Retro Chill
by garfieldodie
Summary: Co written by Swing123. As the final movie to both trilogies, Calvin & Hobbes are threatened when their archenemies, Retro and Rupert, team up and cause massive mayhem for them and their friends. COMPLETE!
1. Double Trouble

_**Merry Christmas!**_

* * *

_(We open with the song "Double Summer" by the Chills) _

_And now… _

_…patiently awaited for by all… _

_…in dedication to Bill Watterson… _

_…and thanks to Fan Fiction for hosting it… _

_…Nickelodeon Movies presents a Warner Brothers Family Entertainment… _

_…the thrilling conclusion to both of our trilogies… _

_…starring Pamela Segal, Ryan Stiles, Tom Hanks, Bill Murray, Andrew Lawrence, Colin Mochrie, Eric Roberts, Kurtwood Smith, Tom Kenny & French Stewart… _

_…you're all hating me for stalling, aren't you… _

**_Calvin & Hobbes _**

**_4 _/ _IV _**

**_Retro Chill _**

_Directed by Garfieldodie _

_Produced by Swing123 _

_Written by the previous two guys _

_Random unimportant people's names go across the screen. _

* * *

Summer vacation was drawing to a close. Calvin was moping around his room, not doing anything about it. Hobbes was reading a comic book in the corner, not really caring. 

However, there was a difference on the wall near the bed. There now hung a third newspaper article. One that Calvin was actually proud of.

**Six-Year-Old Saves the Planet!**

_Calvin, 6, was kidnapped from his home just six days ago, and it started a bad chain of events. While he was kidnapped, his parents say that Rupert Chill attacked them in their home, only for it to turn out that Calvin had been telling the truth about Rupert being an alien. Rupert and his sidekick, Earl, along with a band of aliens, took over the planet and took Calvin on board their ship. Calvin says that he had sent his alter-egos, Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man and Tracer Bullet to Earth to defeat Rupert, only to for them to fall victim. After an amazing space adventure, Calvin returned to Earth and used a weather-making machine to free everyone and then sent the aliens back to where they came from._

_We feel that this town owes Calvin a huge apology as he's finally proven to us all that just because we can't see it doesn't mean we shouldn't believe it._

After pinning that one on the wall, Calvin and Hobbes had exchanged a high-five and a day with the press, and Calvin had shouted into the microphone, "I TOLD YOU SO, YOU IDIOTS! FOR ONCE IN YOUR DUMB LIVES, CAN'T YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME?"

However, after all the excitement had died down, things went back to normal.

"It's just not fair," Calvin whined.

"What's not fair?" Hobbes asked, not looking up.

"The fact that I have to school and you don't."

"Oh, how's it so hard to believe?"

"Because _you_ need the knowledge of second graders too! How will you do my homework? I doubt you can handle the acute didactic level that I'll be facing."

"Did you just insult me?"

"Yes."

"Well, you're just lucky I'm too tired to pounce you right now."

"Whatever."

Hobbes managed to sit up. "Well, let's at least try to go out with a bang, huh?"

"What are you suggesting?"

Hobbes motioned towards the water balloons sitting in the corner of the room.

"Nah," said Calvin. "If we fill them, we'll throw them at someone, and that someone will tell Mom, and then I'll get grounded while you skip away, tra, la, la, la, la."

Hobbes immediately got into pounce mode. "What have you done with the real Calvin?" he demanded.

"What are you talking about?"

"The real Calvin would absolutely _never_ consider the consequences of something stupid!"

"Well, maybe I'm just not up to it. If we have fun, we'll just speed things up and run out of summer. If we have as little activity as possible, maybe we'll slow down time and we won't have to lose summer so quickly."

Hobbes groaned. This was starting to bug him.

"Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice."

He turned around and grabbed a cylinder shaped object that was yellow and had a red button on top.

"Here, you can have your Time Pauser. You can stop time and have hours of fun in a millisecond."

Calvin looked up. "I thought we made that whole agreement thing."

"We are. You still can't use it to avoid my pouncing, and you can't use it to terrorize the town."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, all right. Just hand it over."

Hobbes handed him the shiny device. Calvin got a devious look on his face, but before he pushed the button, Hobbes placed his tail on Calvin's head, and they both felt time stop.

BOOM!

"Nice touch," commented Hobbes.

"You always have to ruin everything," Calvin muttered.

"Hey, just out of curiosity, what happens when you touch the button again, but I'm not touching you? Do I stay here in the point where time doesn't exist?"

"I'd guess so, but we're wasting precious non-moving time. Let's go."

They ran out the door and into the street. Everything had been paused into place.

"Man, we should have thought of this years ago," Calvin said. "Summer ain't gonna end _this_ time."

"Strange, because I've been trying to forget this summer since it started."

"What for?"

"Well, first we went on the adventure to rescue the neighborhood kids, and then we got attacked by aliens at Camp Pine, got stuck on a ship in the Atlantic, got attacked by a mutant teacher, kidnapped and held for ransom, and saved the world from imagination. We've been busy."

"Yeah, busy becoming heroes! Everyone respects us now! Now that they know about Retro and Rupert, we're the most popular guys around. Still, I don't get why they won't let me skip the school year. We saved the world so many times, and we don't get any special treatment."

"Comparing things now to how they were before, I'd say we _are_ getting special treatment," Hobbes said.

"Whatever. I'll get the wagon. Imagine how much safer it'll be with the Time Pauser!"

Calvin ran to the backyard while Hobbes looked at the frozen people standing in midstep.

"I wonder what would happen if I drew mustaches on everyone," he thought. He pulled out his magic marker. "Only one way to find out."

* * *

Meanwhile, several galaxies away, Rupert and Earl were slithering across their planet's surface, followed by the alien crew. 

"I don't get what we're doing wrong!" Rupert growled. "We've made several attempts to destroy the Earth Potentate, and all have failed!"

"Well, we _almost _got him last time," said Earl, trying to be encouraging.

"_Next _time, we don't just go bursting into people's homes like we did. We freaked everyone out."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Normally, yes, but it's not when they throw their furniture at us and yell 'GET OUT, GET OUT'."

"Maybe if we had help at this, we'd finally crush him and his tiger."

Rupert rolled his eyes. "Bah. There's no hope in that. Everytime we form an alliance with another being, they always wind up being a bunch of mutineers."

"Like who?"

Rupert held up a picture of Galaxoid and Nebular.

"Oh, right."

"Let's face it. That Earth Potentate is just too powerful, even though he's just a kid. He's got a two tigers, two aliens and three superheroes on his side!"

"Well, maybe it's pointless," Earl suggested. "Maybe we can just find another planet to take over."

"Hold that thought," Rupert said, holding up a tentacle. He scurried behind a rock and burst out laughing. "AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HO, HEE, HA! WHOO! HA, HA, HA, Ha, ha, ha… Whoo-_hoo_." He hurried back to the others. "Now then, you were saying?"

Earl scowled. "Never mind."

Just then, they heard a crash nearby, just over a cliff.

"What was that?" asked Earl.

They hurried over the cliff, and just near a lake of lava, they saw a strange-looking box. It was bouncing up and down, and it had a helmet attached to it.

"Quick, let's inspect it!" Rupert ordered.

"But it's just a box!" objected an alien.

Earl smacked him.

"I mean, let's look at the box!" the alien said quickly.

They hurried down the slop and looked it over.

"What is it?" asked Rupert.

Earl took a strange device. "This will tell us what it is and where it's from," he said. He scanned it carefully. "It's a one-of-a-kind device from Earth," he finally announced. "It's called an Imaginator."

"One-of-a-kind, eh?" asked Rupert. "It must be very important to be that rare. Maybe we could use it for something."

Just then, the Imaginator jumped up and down. There were noises coming from inside.

"What's it doing?" asked Rupert, jumping back.

"I'm not sure," Earl replied. "Maybe it's broken."

"Ooh! Ooh!" shouted an alien, rushing forward. "I'll bet _I_ could fix it!"

The alien started pressing random buttons.

"Careful," warned Earl. "You might set something—"

The alien suddenly hit a yellow button, and blast of red came out of a hidden compartment. It hit Earl and sent him flying through the air into a rock.

"…off," Earl finished.

Rupert yanked the dumb alien away from the Imaginator.

"You idiot, you're going to kill someone."

"So?"

Rupert smacked him upside the head and shoved him back into the crowd.

Just then, the Imaginator jumped five feet into the air, and it landed on Rupert's chrome-shaped head.

"Ow!" he cried. "That does it. This thing must be destroyed."

He pulled out a ray gun and prepared to destroy it. With a _KERPOW_, it was blasted into pieces.

"Phew!" said Rupert and Earl together.

"Aw, I wanted to use it for a vibrating bed," whined an alien.

Earl smacked him.

When the smoke cleared, however, Earl noticed that there was something on the ground.

"What's that?" he asked.

Rupert looked down. There was a little box that was jumping up and down. The noises could be heard a more clearly. Just to be sure, Rupert picked it up and listened closely, with Earl at his side.

"I hear voices," commented Earl.

"Me too," said Rupert.

The voices were very loud now.

"Boss, your shoe is in my ear," said a squeaky, fearful voice.

"Complain, complain," said another voice, which was a bit more forceful, but also had some age to it. "That's all you've done since that spiky-haired brat got us stuck in here."

Rupert and Earl looked at each other.

"You don't think…?" Earl asked quietly.

"Shh!" hissed Rupert.

"Well, it's hard _not_ to complain when your body odor is seriously starting to get gamey."

"Did you just insult me?"

"Er, no?"

"Good. I swear, if we ever get out of here, I'm going to teach Calvin such a lesson not to point guns at people. I'll demonstrate by giving a life presentation to his head."

"What about the tiger?"

"Well, I imagine I could use him as a coat or a rug. Maybe even book covers."

"But how do we get out of here?"

Rupert and Earl grinned evilly.

"They're talking about the Earth Potentate!" Rupert crowed.

There was a jump from inside the container.

"What was that?" asked the squeaky voice.

"Quick, we need to meet these people," said Earl. "How do we open it?"

"I'LL DO IT!" screamed the dumb alien, hurrying forward.

"NO!" cried some others and they jumped him.

Rupert looked a little closely at the top of the container. "Ah, there's a knob on the end."

He gave the key-like object a twist, a tug and a yank. It opened.

A bright light suddenly went off that nearly blinded the aliens.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed the troop.

Rupert and Earl covered their compound eyes.

Finally, the light stopped shining and died down.

Everyone looked.

There in front of them, they saw two humans. One was pretty tall, but he had terrible posture. He had on dark yellow goggles, a white lab coat, grey pants, black shoes, a big nose and a shiny bald head with two sticks of hair sticking out just above his ears. His hands were on his hips, and he had a serious look on his face.

By his side, there was a man who was shorter than him. He looked a lot younger, and his head was full of hair. He also had on a white lab coat, grey pants, black shoes, but he didn't have goggles on. He was standing there, looking around nervously.

That's right. Retro and Bob were back, and somewhat better than ever.

They took one look at who'd freed them and yelled out.

"AAAAAAAHHHH! ALIENS!"

Rupert immediately grabbed Retro. "Easy, easy. We don't want to hurt you. We want to help you!"

Retro gave him an uneasy look. "What are you talking about? Who are you?"

"I am the Alien King of this planet. I am Rupert. This is my right-hand alien, Earl."

Earl snarled.

"Well, I am Retro, the soon-to-be sovereign of planet Earth. Or at least I would be if it weren't that punk kid and his dumb tiger. This is my right-hand wimp, Bob."

Bob gulped and waved nervously.

"Ignore him, he's an idiot," Retro whispered. "Now then, what is it you plan on helping us with?"

"Well, based on that little conversation you two had earlier, I understand you two have a beef with the Earth Potentate."

Retro and Bob looked at one another in confusion.

"What's a potentate?" asked Retro.

"You know; the ruler of the planet. Calvin."

Retro rolled his eyes. "Ah, brother." But he decided to play along. "Sure, we're after Calvin."

"More him than me," said Bob.

"Really," said Rupert. "Well, _we've_ been after him for a full summer!"

"So have we!" said Retro.

"Technically, _you_ have," said Bob. "I entered the scene when you returned to Earth."

Retro glared at him. "Will you just shut up?"

"Shutting up."

"Now then," said Rupert, "how would you like to help us destroy Calvin once and for all?"

Retro wasn't too sure at first, but when he looked at the army of aliens, he grinned evilly, and Bob knew that meant trouble.

"I think we could make an arrangement," he said slyly.

Rupert and Earl grinned.

"Excellent!" they said.

"Good, now put me down."

Retro landed on the ground with a _SPLAT_. He leaned over and whispered to Bob. "This is perfect, Bob. With my brains and his army and my brains, we could rule the world side-by-side."

"When you say side-by-side…?" Bob asked.

"I mean me and Rupert! You and Earl could be our advisors. The aliens would do out bidding. We'll be unstoppable!"

Retro laughed diabolically. Rupert and Earl joined in. The entire alien nation laughed.

Bob looked around, trying to figure out what was so funny.

Calvin and Hobbes were in trouble.


	2. I Can't Get No Satisfaction

The aliens led Retro and Bob to the alien palace. It was the biggest thing they had ever seen. It was so bright that they had to wear sunglasses.

"So you're a fellow Calvin-hater too, huh?" said Retro, admiring the craftsmanship of this building. "What'd he do to you?"

"Well, when we captured Galaxoid and Nebular, we tortured them into telling us where the Supreme Earth Potentate was," Rupert said.

"How'd you do it?" asked Bob.

"We didn't feed them," said Earl.

"Right, and we tracked himdown Calvin to Camp Pine, and I took on the form of John Howard Chill, where I kept a close on him, but then he ran off and sang some rock and roll song, and then that basically ruined everything."

"Ah, he's a pain in the butt, that's for sure," Retro agreed. "But I think we might be able to come up with something. What with your advanced alien technology, I'd say we could possibly wipe him out."

"You don't say," Rupert commented. "What do you think we should do?"

"Well, first we'll need a special vehicle. I had one of my own back on Earth, but then the—" He looked at him, rolling his eyes. "—_Earth Potentate_ broke it, and now it's useless."

"Well, we could get you what you need," Earl offered. "We've got gears, and metal and old digging pieces!"

Retro rolled his eyes skyward with a grin on his face, and then looked over at Bob. "The blueprints, Bob," he said.

Bob reached into his lab coat and pulled out a blue piece of paper that was rolled up.

Rupert and Earl looked at each other.

Retro unrolled the blueprints and showed them a bunch of stuff written in white.

"These are the plans for the Claw Car 2.0," he said. "We would need the following items to build it."

"Whatever! We'll get started!" shouted Rupert.

"Wonderful. I shall do the building myself as long as you provide parts."

"Deal," said Rupert.

"Deal," said Earl.

They slithered off towards the back of the palace with Retro and Bob following. Once they were there, they pulled out a giant jagged piece that looked like the bucket from an excavator.

"Will this work?"

Retro's eyes grew wide with excitement.

"We've got everything we need right here," he grinned.

Bob raised an eyebrow and looked it over. This spelled trouble.

* * *

Back on Earth, Calvin was sitting on the sidewalk while Hobbes and Socrates were running around and playing. He had a clipboard, paper and pencil.

"What are you doing?" asked Hobbes.

"Trying to write my biography," Calvin replied.

"What for?" asked Socrates. "You're only six."

"Well, having had six whole adventures in one summer, I'd say I have every reason to write a book."

"Who'd publish a six year old?"

"Hey, they gave us medals of honor. Go figure. Anyway, I'm up to the part where we're telling Galaxoid and Nebular that I'm the Supreme Earth Potentate."

Socrates rolled his eyes. "You two are so lucky. I would give anything to have what you have."

"You want to have bad grades and a bunch of nuts chasing us?" Calvin asked.

"No!" Socrates yelled. "I mean I want to have fame and fortune and notoriety."

"We don't have fortune," Hobbes said. "His mom made us give it to the town."

"Well, I'd still give up anything for that kind of stuff."

"Is that a promise?" Calvin asked, eyeing him. "You mean you'd give up pranking me at every moment you get?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

Calvin slapped his forehead. He'd done it again.

"Don't worry, Socrates," Hobbes said. "After you moved here, we did something that got you involved."

"What's that?" Socrates asked.

"You'll see."

Suddenly, Socrates jumped up into the air, landed on his tail, spun around, closed his eyes and put his hands up.

Calvin and Hobbes grinned knowingly.

"Incoming transmission from Galaxoid and Nebular," he said in a robotic voice. "Please listen up, because they care about you."

Suddenly, he sounded like Galaxoid.

"Earth Potentate, this is Galaxoid speaking," he said.

Then Nebular transmitted.

"Are you calling Calvin? Tell him I said 'hi'!"

"Shh! Calvin, we need to ask you a favor."

"C'mon! Tell him I said 'hi'!"

"We need you to talk to that hamster friend of yours," Galaxoid continued.

"Calvin? Is that you? Hi, Calvin!" shouted Nebular.

"He's been sending radio waves into space that can reach our galaxy, which is five galaxies away from your own. So please tell him to keep it down."

"Will do, Galaxoid. Over and out," Calvin said.

In his normal voice, Socrates said, "Resume normal functions in three, two, ATCHOO!"

Socrates returned to normal. "What happened?" he asked.

"You went into that phase of blankness again," Hobbes replied.

"Oh."

As he left, Hobbes leaned over to Calvin. "What'll he do if we tell him that we put a transmitter / receiver chip in his brain?" he asked.

"Go stark raving mad," Calvin replied. "We'll save it for a good time when I'm bored."

* * *

The three of them arrived at a house on the edge of town that was painted red and was two stories high. But what stood out most was the giant satellite dish that was spinning around on the roof.

Without bothering to knock, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates entered the house.

They went up to the second floor and knocked on a door that had a poster on it. Andy opened it and saw them.

"I think I know what this is about," he muttered.

"Yup," Calvin replied. "Where's the hamster?"

"In his study. Come with me."

Andy led them downstairs. They found a metal door that was no more than an a couple inches tall. Andy turned a doorknob in the wall, and the secret door opened.

"Wow," breathed Socrates.

"Big deal," muttered Hobbes.

They walked down into secret lab down below. There was a little slide that Sherman obviously used to get down there.

There was a massive library to one half, but the other half had tiny tables that held beakers and test tubes. They heard a squeaky chuckle, followed by a _POOF_. They saw smoke pour from behind a curtain.

"Finally, my best work: an everlasting multiplying formula!" a squeaky voice cried.

Andy rolled his eyes and opened the curtain, revealing Sherman the hamster pouring red and orange formulas into each other. The sudden ray of light made him jump, and the beaker flew through the air. It landed on his table, and it became two tables.

"THE LIGHT!" he screeched, covering his eyes with his paws. "IT BURNS!" He gave Andy a glare "Look what you've done!" he shouted at Andy. "You have completely ruined my—"

He saw Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates standing behind him.

"Oh, it's you."

His eyes narrowed at Hobbes.

"Hobbes."

"Vermin."

"What do _you_ want?" Sherman sneered.

"About those radio waves you're experimenting with," Andy said. "We need you to lower the volume."

"But then it'll ruin the purpose of the experiment!"

"Yeah, well, too bad," Hobbes sniffed. "Galaxoid says that they can hear it clear across five galaxies."

"So? This is important research!" Sherman objected.

"What are you researching?" asked Socrates. "How to get aliens to come to your doorstep, bang on your door and yell 'Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep!'?"

"No, I'm trying to see how much it would take to make a planet fall apart. I'm currently aiming it at Mars."

"No!" said Andy. "Bad hamster. We don't blow up planets in this household."

"Yeah, you tell 'im," muttered Calvin.

Sherman snorted and got off of the table. He grabbed a remote control and pressed a button on it. With a whistle and a click, a robot came along. It was about the size of Calvin.

"Oh, not this again," moaned Andy.

"What's so dangerous about this puny thing?" snorted Socrates. "It seems harmless."

Suddenly, a giant hand popped out and grabbed the four of them.

"The keyword is 'seems'," said Hobbes.

The robot left the room, and then tossed them on the floor. The door was slammed shut.

"How rude," Calvin sighed. "Come on, guys, let's get out of here."

Calvin and the two tigers left the house.

* * *

Back on Planet Zok, the aliens groaned at the hideous noise coming from inside the workshop behind the palace. There were earsplitting hisses and agonized screeches.

"Ow! My ears!" cried an alien.

"Do we have ears?" asked another.

He didn't receive an answer because at that moment the doors to the workshop were knocked over by Retro.

Rupert, Earl and Bob watched as he slowly approached, but he was sitting in something.

I'm sure we all remember Retro's famous claw car. The original round base had been used for the car, but the tires were larger so it could handle that tough terrain this planet had. But what was on the back was the most terrifying contraption the aliens had ever seen.

The old excavator parts, as well as some old machinery, had been put together to form a mechanical arm with notched jaws on the end of a giant claw. The rusty machinery screeched as it moved and the hydraulics hissed.

"How'd ya like _this_, Rupert?" he called over the noise.

Before Rupert could answer, Retro moved the claw over to an old boiler, and took a chunk out.

"Not bad," said Rupert, who was feeling a little like Bob right now.

"Thanks. This is what we can use to rip that kid apart with!"

Rupert and Earl grinned evilly.

"That sounds perfect. Let's get that thing to a safe place. Now we just need a plan," Earl said.

"_I_ have a plan," said Retro, "but it'll require some more equipment. I'll need a colander and some metal, and lots of wires."

"What for?" asked Rupert.

"Because it's time for the Imaginator to be reborn."


	3. Lost in Space

Several hours after that, Retro, Rupert and Earl were in the war room with the aliens, trying to explain the plan to them. They all stood in front of the Earl's troop with a blackboard behind them that had plans drawn on it.

"Okay, are they ready?" asked Retro.

"Good luck," Earl said, rolling his eyes. "They're the most incompetent aliens ever."

"Aw, they can't be _that_ bad."

Rupert and Earl simply blinked and stared into the crowd of blabbering aliens.

"Everyone quiet, please!" Retro shouted.

Still more blabbering.

"Please be quiet!" he shouted a little louder.

Blah, blah, blah.

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!" he finally hollered.

An alien cricket sounded as the aliens finally fell silent.

Retro looked at Rupert, Earl and Bob, who all held up cards with numbers on them that said 10, 9.5, and 9.

"Hey, I beat my old record," he muttered to himself.

Retro turned back to the aliens.

"As you know, you are after an Earth Potentate known as Calvin, who is also someone _I've _been after. After some arrangements with the king and the captain, I shall be joining up with you. I'm Retro Griffin. That's Bob," he said, pointing at his sidekick.

"HI, BOB!" everyone shouted.

Bob waved nervously and then fainted from fear.

"Anyway," Retro continued, "this is the plan. We travel to Earth inconspicuously and…"

He noticed an alien was raising his tentacle.

"Whaddya want?" he shouted.

"What does inconspicuously mean?" asked the alien.

Retro gave him a blank stare. "You're kidding, right?"

Another tentacle went up.

"Yes?"

"What does kidding mean?" asked the other alien.

Retro groaned and hung his head.

"Want me to kill them?" whispered Rupert.

"No, no, we all have to start somewhere," Retro replied. He looked back at the aliens. "Okay, let's start over. Tonight, we're going to travel to Earth _without being seen_, and we'll sneak up to Calvin's house, beam him up into the ship and leave an evil clone in his place. The clone will cause mayhem and make Calvin the most hated thing on the planet. Then it'll destroy the defense systems and we'll move in to take over. In the meantime, we'll destroy the real Calvin, provided he stays put. Any questions?"

There was that alien cricket again.

"Does that mean yes or no?" he whispered to Rupert.

"Doesn't matter. They'll do it anyway."

"All right then," Earl said. "You have your orders; get to the ship. But first, there are cups of lava waiting in the lobby. One per creature."

"YAY!" they cheered, and they all ran off.

"Come on, Earl!" said Rupert. "Let's get some of that lava while it's still hot."

They scampered away, leaving a disgusted Retro and an unconscious Bob.

* * *

Back on Earth, Calvin and Hobbes were back in the bedroom. The day was over, and they were just getting to bed.

"Well, that was a day," Hobbes said, settling into bed. "I think I've got something in my fur. What does it look like to you?"

Calvin looked at him. "It looks like the hideous reminder that out there is an overweight elementary school teacher who is peeved at the fact that she won't torture me next year, so she'll make the teacher hate me when I get there."

Hobbes blinked and looked at him.

"We still have a week."

"Oh, it doesn't matter, Hobbes. It's _over_!" Calvin shouted.

"What, and the Time Pauser wasn't enough for you?"

"Hobbes, at the rate the batteries last, we might as well just let summer leave."

Mom came in for that nightly ritual known as bedtime.

"Calvin, it's time for bed," said Mom.

"But if I go to bed now, that means we'll have a less day of summer! That means I'll be forced to leave Hobbes, Socrates, Sherman…"

He stopped for a moment.

"Okay, so I guess there are a few perks."

"Get in bed," Mom said. "Second grade will be fun!"

"Yeah right. After what I was informed of from a certain source, second grade is nothing but a torture chamber that consists of all the works: mustard gas, whips, swinging pendulums, and long division. It's a world of evil, Mom, and I refuse to fall victim to it, and I don't care how much you pry."

"Calvin…," Mom muttered.

"Well, I just don't see why I can't take some time off!" Calvin said, still annoyed.

"Calvin, I think knowing you did a job well done should be enough."

"Yeah, the _first _time around, but I think I need something more! Maybe a free trip to the Bahamas on the first day of school! In fact, how about transferring to a _different _school?"

Mom stared at him.

"Well, how about an interview on a popular news show? I mean, I saved the planet from creatures that you all thought were fictional, but no one wants me on their show! _Good Morning, America_ ought to be sending me several letters demanding that I tell of my long inner-struggle!"

Hobbes was under the covers, rolling his eyes at his best friend's egotistical behavior.

"Calvin, _what_ inner-struggle?" Mom asked.

Calvin paused for a moment.

"Okay, I could go on _The Daily Show with Jon Stewart _and talk about fondue," Calvin decided. "I mean, he should have at least mentioned me on the show last month!"

"Good night, Calvin," said Mom.

"Hey, I'm not done yet! Get back here!" Calvin demanded.

The door slammed and the two were left alone again.

"You're seriously letting this whole thing get out of hand," Hobbes sighed. "You should feel grateful that we're not sitting in the belly of a beast on Zok, and I think we would've been digested by now."

"But it's not fair, Hobbes!" Calvin whined. "I just think we're not being appreciated enough!"

"Hey, this is hard on me, too!" Hobbes retorted. "I think it's time you realized that there was someone else involved in this that should have got what he wanted."

"Oh, please. Socrates was brought back to his kid, and in thanks, he pranked me into a tree," Calvin snorted.

"No, I mean _me_! I haven't got anything out of this deal!" Hobbes complained. "I mean, who was there to hit the button with his tail when everyone was trapped in the cage? Hobbes! Who was the one that put that stupid hamster in his place? Hobbes! Who was the one had to be turned into a cheap rag doll _twice_? Why, I do believe it was ol' Hobbes! And what do I get for all _my_ hard work? Nothing! No interviews, no lifetime supply of tuna, no trip the Bahamas, no Jon Stewart, no nothing at all!"

"Well, you got one of those Medals of Honor from the president," Calvin offered. "And maybe you could get an interview on _The Colbert Report_."

"Thanks for taking my feelings into consideration," Hobbes muttered. "Good night."

"G' night," Calvin sighed.

The light went off and Calvin and Hobbes fell asleep.

All across town, lights went out as everyone went to sleep. This was the cue for that sinister something to happen…

* * *

"Are we all set?" asked Retro.

"We're entering Earth's atmosphere," replied Earl.

"Then let 'er rip!" ordered Rupert.

The ship stopped in midair and did a quick scan of the planet, searching for Calvin's house. It scanned past several countries, then states, cities, counties and neighborhoods until they finally found that familiar yellow house.

"The target's locked," said an alien.

Rupert narrowed his eyes. "Do it."

A yellow beam was sent straight into the top floor of the house. It flew through the window of a certain bedroom. It overlooked Hobbes, who was dozing to the left, but it had Calvin in its grasp.

Calvin didn't even _feel_ it! He stayed asleep. Soon, he was being brought back up into the ship.

Once there, he was brought before Retro and Rupert.

"Oh, this won't do!" said Retro.

"Quite right," agreed Rupert. "He's wearing his pajamas! He must be killed in proper clothing."

So this time, Earl sent the beam back to Earth and opened a dresser drawer with it, taking out one red shirt, a pair of black jeans, socks and purplish-red shoes. He brought them all back up to the ship.

"Very good," said Rupert. "Now comes a difficult task."

Retro and Earl looked at him.

"Who's going to change him?"

Retro and Earl looked at each other, grinned, and turned. "Oh, _BOB_!" they sang.

Bob ran in as fast as his could. "Yes, sirs?" he asked nervously.

"Clothe the boy now!" said Retro.

"But I—"

"DO IT!"

"Okay."

Bob took the still-sleeping Calvin and ran off.

"Now then," said Earl. "What's next?"

"The clone that will fulfill our dreams and make Calvin hated!"

"Right! But where do we get a duplicator?" asked Rupert.

"Follow me."

They entered a room that was very dark and was illuminated with red light, somewhat like a dark room for photo developing. In the middle, they saw something similar from earlier that day.

"Is that the device we released you from?" asked Rupert.

"Yes. It's a newer version of the Imaginator," Retro replied.

Indeed, the cube-shaped object had been made out of leftover pieces from the new claw-car. Rather than smooth metal, it was made out of rusty old pieces for the framework. The timer still looked the same, as did the nozzle on the back for releasing creations. The long hose thing that connected to the helmet was made out of a regular garden hose, and the helmet itself was made from a colander.

"How does this make the clone?" asked Earl.

"You'll see," Retro grinned.

He approached the device, placed the helmet on his head and pushed a red button. The Imaginator warmed up and started to shake. Retro simply thought a little more, only for a bright light to appear. A cloud of gold dust came out of the nozzle, followed by a plume of smoke.

When it cleared, there was someone that appeared to be Calvin, but instead of simply spiky hair, he had a Mohawk. He wore the same clothes, but he had that evil spark in his eyes that Retro, Rupert and Earl had.

"Is he evil?" asked Rupert.

Evil Calvin suddenly jumped him, knocking him to the ground, and he proceeded to beat him up.

"Yup, he's evil," Earl said dully.

"Suc_cess_!" Retro whooped.

Bob approached them.

"Oh, you were able to use the colander!" he exclaimed. "By the way, the kid's dressed and in a cell," he added to Retro. He scooted away from Rupert and Earl nervously.

"Very good. Now send for a beam to send Evil Calvin down to Earth. By the end of the week, he'll have completed his task to dominate the world for us, and _we'll_ be in charge!"

"Right!" Rupert said. "Earl! Bob! Take him to the transporter and put him in bed. Give him Calvin's pajamas first so it seems convincing. Go! Now!"

Bob jumped in fear and ran off. Earl rolled his compound eyes and slithered after him, Evil Calvin on a leash behind him. They managed to get him into Calvin's PJs, and they started to brief him.

"Your primary goal is to take over Earth under the guise of the real Calvin and give _us_ the power."

"YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU BIG MUCKY SLIMEBALL!" Evil Calvin shouted.

"It's your primary purpose! You were created to do it!" Earl yelled back.

"Make me!"

Earl pulled a ray gun.

"Okay, okay, yeesh! You didn't have to yell."

Evil Calvin clambered into the transporter.

Bob pressed a button and sent him back to Earth.

"It's finally working!" Earl grinned. "Doesn't it feel great, Bob?"

Bob was about to reply, but he saw that Earl was about to touch him, so he instead screamed and ran away.

"I guess not," Earl muttered, and he went after him.

* * *

Down on Earth, Evil Calvin appeared in Calvin's pajamas in the bedroom. The beam disappeared as the ship disappeared. Evil Calvin jumped back into bed and next to Hobbes, who hadn't been awaken by the whole event!

It was the start of the biggest shakeup in Calvin and Hobbes' lives.


	4. Ship of Fools

Calvin opened his eyes. He was sitting in a spaceship.

It looked so familiar, and yet…

Calvin looked around.

Hmmm… He appeared to be in a cell.

Calvin got lifted himself from the floor and walked over to the steel bars.

He peered outside. No guard?

Calvin strained his neck to see beyond the cell.

Just then, something gray jumped in front of the cell.

_It was an alien!_

Calvin screamed.

The alien screamed.

Calvin and the alien both stared at each other, continuing to scream like a bunch of demented mountain lions.

"WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?" Calvin shouted, spewing spit into the alien's face.

He cleared it off and thought.

"I'll take diabolical plot for 500 please."

Calvin blinked. "Uhhh…," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "O-kay. What are you up to?"

"Rupert, Earl, and some other dude are out to take over the universe," the alien grinned.

Calvin made a buzzing sound. "I'm sorry," he said. "Your answer had to be in the form of a question."

The alien broke down sobbing. Calvin backed away nervously. Crying was one thing he hadn't seen these aliens do yet.

"However, you do get the…uh…other prize!" Calvin said.

The alien brightened.

"Really?" he asked, his compound, yellow eyes growing wide. "What is it?"

"An all paid trip to Las Vegas!" Calvin announced, throwing his arms into the air.

"OH WHEE!" the alien yelled, jumping up and down.

Have you ever seen something with tentacles for feet jumping up and down? It's really weird.

"All you have you do," Calvin said, "is unlock this cell door! It will be the entrance to your ultimate vacation experience!"

The alien (boy, is he an idiot?) grabbed the keys on his belt and quickly unlocked the door.

Calvin strolled out.

"There ya go," Calvin said, grabbing the keys from him. "Las Vegas."

"Hmm," the alien said, walking into the cell. "I kinda expected Las Vegas to be brighterandwith more primary colors."

"Those TV commercials really lead you astray, don't they?" Calvin said, slamming the cell door and throwing the keys into the waste basket.

"Hey!" the alien snarled. "Have I been tricked?"

"Well," Calvin said, inching away from the steel bars. "It's a strong possibility."

Calvin opened a door, flashed the alien a sinister grin, and left.

"When do get to a casino?" the alien asked, sitting down onto the dusty floor.

Calvin rushed through the spaceship. He peeked into every door.

"_Where are they?_" Calvin thought. "_He said that Rupert, Earl, and some other weirdo were planning to take over the universe. But who?_"

Just then, Calvin saw an alien slithering towards him.

YIKES!

"What are you doing out of your cell?" the alien asked, suspiciously.

"Uuh…," Calvin rolled his eyes around. "I was just……Um…Actually, I'm an alien _dressed up as Calvin_ so if…… Uuuh……someone comes and tries to save me…I mean him…then we could capture them. I guess."

The alien stared at Calvin.

"Oh," he said, walking off.

Calvin wiped some sweat from his brow, happy that Earl had a bunch of morons for a crew.

But Calvin couldn't keep up that "alien dressed up as Calvin" idea.

Calvin zoomed down the hallways. He zoomed across the entire ship desperately looking for a space jet.

"AH HA!" Calvin screamed.

There was a sign on the wall saying SPACE JETS: THIS A-WAY.

Calvin bolted through the hallway and reached a door.

SPACE JETS: IN HERE.

Calvin flung the door… Oh terrific.

Rupert and Earl were standing in that room.

The Alien King and the Alien Captain flung their heads around and stared at Calvin.

Calvin stared back.

Their yellow eyes narrowed to slits, and they both slithered for Calvin without a word.

Just then, Calvin got an idea.

Calvin hastily made a little message for whoever worked in Calvin's head. If anything even did.

_Mayday! Aliens! What do I do now?_

Calvin waited for a response.

Rupert and Earl were almost on top of him.

Then, a message flashed across Calvin's eyes. Calvin read it.

_French Fries or Hash Browns?_

Calvin growled in frustration and typed another message.

_Tell me what to do, you idiots, or we'll all be eaten by aliens! I don't know what you dumbbells do in there, but hurry up! If I go down you'll go with me!_

A message flashed across the screen.

_Peanut butter sandwiches are slightly higher west of Observatory Park._

In a flash of anger, Calvin screamed, "YOU MORON! AT A TIME LIKE THIS, DO I CARE ABOUT PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES?"

Rupert and Earl stopped, and gave Calvin a blank stare.

Just then, Calvin realized that Bob was staring at him.

"Are you talking to me?" he asked.

Calvin whirled around. Since he was in a hurricane of anger, he didn't recognize Retro's sidekick.

"Yes! No! I'm not sure. Did you say something about peanut butter sandwiches?"

"I don't remember," Bob said. "What did I say?"

"You said…I can't remember. No, wait! You said that they were slightly higher west of……Mount Rushmore, I think it was."

"Nope," Bob said. "That wasn't me. I would have said they were made out of peanut butter."

Calvin stared at him.

"Why would you say that?" he asked.

"Cause they are. Everybody knows that peanut butter sandwiches are made out of peanut butter."

"Right," Calvin said. "And if everybody already knows it, why would you bother to say it? And why would you leave out the part about Mount Rushmore? Don't you care about our great presidents!"

Bob backed up, nervously. "I…I…I…"

"That's no excuse, and don't argue with me!" Calvin spat. "The point is…"

Just then another alien slithered up to Bob.

"Hi, Bob," he said dully.

Bob, still not used to the aliens, yelled in horror and rushed off.

Calvin blinked. He turned back to Rupert and Earl, who were still staring at him as if he had lost his mind, then typed a final message.

_Hash browns, you dork._

Calvin then looked up Rupert and Earl. He gave them a broad smile.

"Hi, guys. Nice evening, huh? You bet! How's the family? Great. Let me go straight to the point, and say that I know nothing about the Fabled Treasure at the West End of the Rainbow."

Rupert and Earl gave Calvin a blank stare.

"Furthermore," Calvin continued. "I deny any knowledge of anything. I didn't do it, you can't prove a thing, you have no case, and, well, I guess I'd better be moving along."

Calvin started backing away.

This seemed to be working.

Rupert and Earl hadn't moved, and were staring at Calvin as though…well, as though they couldn't believe their eyes and ears. But then again, _do _they have ears?

Calvin turned, and gave a wave of farewell.

"Well, guys, see you around. Tell the family hello."

Rupert and Earl pulled out ray guns and pointed them at Calvin.

"That's just _hilarious_, Potentate," Rupert growled.

"Well, I've always been the class clown. Or so the school board said," Calvin said.

And with that, Calvin vanished in a blur of red and yellow.

"ATTENTION!" Rupert screamed into a microphone. "The prisoner is loose! I REPEAT! THE PRISONER IS LOOSE!"

Calvin flew down the hallway.

Several aliens burst from different rooms and started for Calvin with deadly expressions.

Calvin pumped his arms so fast, he could have sworn that he saw a spark of fire on them.

Just then, he came to a room of the spaceship he had never seen before.

It had a steel door.

He flung the door open, rushed inside and slammed the door. He quickly locked it, and several heads of lethal aliens crashed into the door.

Calvin held the door back.

Several ray guns sounded, and the door rattled.

Calvin held the door back still.

Just then, a bell rang throughout the entire spaceship.

"LUNCH TIME!" the aliens all screamed, running toward the cafeteria on the other side of the ship.

"_What a close call_," Calvin thought. He turned around.

He was in one of those rooms where people used to develop photographs.

Dark room, Calvin thought it was called.

It was filled with dark red light, and in the middle of the room was the…

"THE IMAGINATOR!" Calvin screamed with glee. "What the heck is that thing doing in here?"

Calvin quickly got over his suspicions because, with that machine, he could _make_ a Space Jet and get out of here.

Calvin rushed over to the machine.

Just then, Calvin heard a voice.

He spun around. He couldn't see anything.

"Hello?" Calvin asked. "If anyone's there, _please_ hesitate to answer!"

No answer.

Calvin blinked.

"Um… Ok… That's enough, you can stop hesitating now."

No answer.

"Oh come on!" Calvin yelled. "Why are you torturing me with this silence! You know that's spooky and mysterious! _SAY_ SOMETHING!"

No answer.

"Alright, fine!" Calvin snarled. "Don't say anything! See what I care! HMPH!"

Just then, Calvin caught a movement out of the corner of his eye.

Calvin spun around.

"YOU MOVED LIKE THAT ON _PURPOSE!_" Calvin screamed.

As you can guess, nobody answered.

"Alright!" Calvin snarled. "That's _IT!_ I REFUSE TO LET SOME CREEPY, SHAPELESS THING DISTURB MY…something. _My dignity! My pride! My Sense of Self Wonder!_ What any of those have to do about this particular moment, I don't know. BUT I REFUSE TO FIND OUT!"

And with that, Calvin spun around, started complaining about all the injustices in the world, and walked over to the Imaginator .

He was almost there, but just then, Calvin caught another flash of motion out of the corner of his eye, heard an evil chuckle _and_…… something very bad happened.


	5. Imagination Is a Powerful Deciever

The next morning, Hobbes was the first to get up. He got up out of bed and walked into the kitchen where he started preparing toast.

He hadn't seen Calvin on the way, so he figured he'd already had breakfast and was waiting for him outside.

"I wonder if he got another case of bed hair," he wondered aloud.

"HEY! WHAT'RE _YOU_ DOING IN MY HOUSE?" an unfamiliar voice shouted.

Hobbes looked behind himself and saw Evil Calvin was standing behind him. Of course, he didn't know it. All he knew was that Calvin's hair was weirder than ever.

"Apparently so," he thought to himself.

"You dare to trespass on my property, you crazy feline? Well, I shall show you what happens when you make a mockery of _me_!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Oh, so you're going to beat me up, are you?" he teased. "I'd like to see you try. Come on! Give me your best shot! I dare ya!" He put his face extra close to Evil Calvin.

Evil Calvin shot him an evil smile before reeling back.

It all happened so fast that Hobbes almost missed it. One minute, Calvin was reeling back to sock him one, and the next, Hobbes saw a bunch of stars, planets, tweety birds and somewhere in the deeper recesses of his brain, he heard a harp playing for no apparent reason. He found himself in the front yard in a crater, and he was rubbing his sore nose.

"That's right!" Evil Calvin shouted. "There's more where _that_ came from!"

He slammed the door shut.

Hobbes' jaw hung open in shock. "What is wrong with this picture?" he muttered to himself.

Socrates came up the walk. "What happened to you?"

"Calvin…just…hit…_me_!" Hobbes stuttered.

"So? You two are always at it," Socrates snorted.

Hobbes grabbed his tiger friend by the shoulders.

"Socrates, don't you understand? He has a Mohawk! He has a tough New Yorker accent! He thinks I'm an intruder! HE JUST WALLOPED ME INTO NEXT SATURDAY!"

"And…your point is?"

"SOCRATES!"

"Sorry."

"That does it. Come on. We're gonna show him what happens when he messes with tigers!"

"Right behind ya!"

Hobbes and Socrates stormed up the walk back into the house.

Evil Calvin was experimenting with the Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. He looked up and saw them.

"Oh, great! You again! And a little friend of yours! I'll teach you to mess with me!"

Socrates leaned over and whispered into Hobbes' ear. "Don't worry, Bunky. _I'm_ gonna _prank_ him into next Saturday."

"That wasn't a funny," Hobbes replied, "and don't call me Bunky."

Socrates stepped forward. "Hey, Calvin, see this dollar?"

Just so you know, it wasone of those fake dollars that had a string on it.

Evil Calvin hadn't been informed on this.

"What's a dollar?" he asked.

Socrates looked over at Hobbes, who shrugged.

"Uh, currency."

"_Earth_ currency?" Evil Calvin asked.

"Duh."

"Let me see that."

Socrates grinned a sneaky grin.

When Evil Calvin reached for it, he pressed a small silver button that caused the dollar to zip away.

"HA! Gotcha!"

Evil Calvin realized in two seconds he'd been tricked, and while Socrates was busy celebrating his victory, he stomped on his tail hard.

"YAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Socrates screamed.

Now he was mad.

"Why, you little twerp!"

Socrates tried to punch Evil Calvin, but the phony was a step ahead of him. He jumped Socrates, and they rolled out the backdoor.

Hobbes watched the wreck for a moment, and then he reared up on his hind legs. After aiming precisely, he extended his claws and pounced.

Evil Calvin suddenly felt a new disturbance. He jumped away from Socrates just as Hobbes landed, meaning that two tigers were now rolling out around the yard like a bowling ball, bashing into everything.

By the time Hobbes finally realized his mistake, Evil Calvin was holding him by his tail.

"Who are you and what are you two doing trying to break into my home?"

"Hobbes, what happened? Did he forget when the stairs ended again?" Socrates asked.

Evil Calvin froze. "Wait, Hobbes the _tiger_? As in, Calvin's roommate?"

Hobbes and Socrates nodded.

Evil Calvin grinned nervously, hoping he hadn't blown it already.

"Uh, right! Hobbes, ol' buddy, ol' pal, ol' amigo, ol' compadre! So sorry! I'm probably still in sleep mode."

Hobbes eyed him suspiciously. "What's with your new hairstyle?" he asked.

"Why, what's wrong with it? YA GOT A PROB WITH THE DO?"

Socrates stepped behind Hobbes.

"_I _don't," he said timidly.

Evil Calvin stepped closer to Hobbes and pulled him down so that he eye level with him.

"Just don't get in the way of the plans," he growled.

"What plans?" Hobbes asked nervously.

It was the first time he'd ever been intimidated by Calvin's presence.

"_The _plans!"

"What _the_ plans?" asked Socrates.

"_You_ back off!"

"Kay."

Evil Calvin released Hobbes and went back towards the house.

"Wait, aren't you coming? We were going to Andy and Sherman's and watch intergalactic movies from Galaxoid and Nebular," said Socrates.

Evil Calvin screeched to a halt. "Who?"

"You know: the kid, the hamster, and the two aliens," Hobbes said.

"ALIENS?"

"Not Rupert and Earl! The nice aliens who have no arms and pointy hats!"

"Yeah, they said they had sent us _TRIASSIC PARK IX _and _HARRY POTTER XCIX: THE FIFTH HOGWARTS REUINION_," said Socrates.

"I swear, they are so advanced, it just blows me away," Hobbes sighed.

Evil Calvin calmed down. "Yeah, sure. I shall partake in your little invite."

He stomped down the sidewalk leaving the two tigers befuddled.

Suddenly, he came running back.

"Where might their house be?" he asked quickly.

Hobbes and Socrates rolled their eyes, going on ahead.

"Amnesia, anyone?" Socrates whispered.

"Shut up," Hobbes hissed.

Socrates looked back at Evil Calvin who was looking closely at things that were passing, like cars, birds, airplanes, leaves and cans.

"You have to admit, he's not acting himself," he went on.

"Look, do you want to watch the movies or not?" Hobbes insisted. "He's just cranky because he's not being treated right, probably."

Socrates nodded in response, and they continued.

* * *

Once at the home of Andy and Sherman, they were soon back in the lab, but rather a room in the very back. Hobbes, Andy and Socrates were waiting impatiently as Sherman prepared everything. 

"Come on, Rodent Breath!" Hobbes shouted. "We'd like to see this movie _today_! Galaxoid highly recommended!"

"Keep your stripes on, you uncompromising feline!" Sherman shot back. "This is a very delicate procedure. We need to hook up the projector just right."

Andy rolled his eyes. He simply walked over to the DVD Player, put the disc in, pressed _PLAY_, hit the _ON_ button on the projector and sat down.

"Oh, sure, if you want to do it the simple way," Sherman snorted.

As the movie started, Hobbes noticed that Calvin wasn't around. He got up from his seat and left movie area.

"Calvin? The movie's starting! It's a DVD! You know, that thing that you've always wanted but Dad won't let you have!"

"A DVD? That's so primitive! What happened to VVV's?"

Hobbes winced at being reminded what the future held. "We're on Earth, bozo. Those are from Planet Zok. We were lucky that Galaxoid and Nebular could convert it for us. They have _TVCs_! Those are Terminal Video Coils, and in this case, terminal doesn't mean visual display unit."

Evil Calvin rolled his eyes. "Go ahead and watch it without me. I'm experimenting."

Sherman suddenly appeared in front of him in a field of electricity.

"How'd you do that?" Evil Calvin demanded.

"My teleportation belt, you dim-witted shrimp! The lab is for _my_ use only! Now get back over there or get out!" the genius hamster squeaked.

"And your name is again…?"

"Sherman J. Hamster! I am the smartest thing on the planet."

"But Socrates says you're no smarter than cottage cheese! How on Zok could you be…?"

"HE SAID WHAT NOW?" Sherman bellowed in a small voice.

Socrates whistled nervously in his seat.

Sherman teleported onto his head. "I'll chew your ears off!" he squeaked.

"Ooh, I'm so scared," Socrates mocked.

Sherman took a big bite into Socrates' ear. Sharp little teeth sank into the skin.

"YYYEEEEOOOOWWWW!"

"Yeah, hamster teeth are sharp. Watch out for that," said Andy lifelessly.

So whilst Hobbes and Andy were watching the movie and Sherman and Socrates fought (Sherman was winning), Evil Calvin was searching the lab.

"This laboratory must have something useful," he said to himself. He scrambled around and searched through several filing cabinets. Finally, he came across a certain file that looked interesting.

_PLANET DETERIORATING RADIO TRANSMITTER_

After opening the file, he found blueprints, a rough sketch, a photo of the finished product and instructions.

Evil Calvin pulled back a curtain and found something that looked like a giant microscope.

"It could work," he murmured. "It could just work."

Hobbes looked back at Evil Calvin, still unaware that it was a phony-baloney Calvin.

"I dunno about you, but I think something's wrong with him," he whispered to Andy.

"What do you mean?" asked Andy. "I thought something was _already_ wrong with him."

"Yeah, but now it's increasing."


	6. Seen Your Soul

"HELP! MURDER! MAYDAY!" Calvin screamed, running in circles.

The figure made another dive for Calvin, but Calvin seemed a little faster than usual. I mean who wouldn't be? He was trapped in a dark room filled with red light, with some unknown creature with the only thing to keep him company.

"BACK!" Calvin screamed. "BACK, YOU FIEND! I'M WARNING YOU!"

The figure chuckled and stalked for Calvin.

"THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH!" Calvin warned. "I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS! I'VE GOT A BLACKBELT IN ORIGAMI!"

Calvin got into a karate stance he had seen on TV.

"See?" he said. "I have the reflexes of a cat. I'M LETHAL!"

The figure yawned, and continued stalking for Calvin.

In the darkness, Calvin still couldn't see who it was.

"Alright!" Calvin yelled. "I warned ya!"

Calvin grabbed a pencil out of his pocket and heaved it at the figure.

He missed.

Not that it would have helped him much anyway.

"I knew I had to work on that aim," Calvin muttered.

"It was most likely your only hope," the figure snarled.

It stepped into a beam of light.

Calvin couldn't believe what he saw.

"It can't be!" Calvin thought. "It's a trick! Rupert and Earl are trying to trick me!"

Calvin rubbed his eyes a few times, blinked twice, hit himself in the head, twice, and pushed his eyes inward with his fingers.

He then looked back at the figure

He did that same thing with his eyes over again.

He looked back at the figure.

He did it again.

He looked back at the figure a third time.

Nope. He was still there.

It was Retro.

Yep. There he was. With all his Three Stooges haircut glory.

"HA!" Calvin yelled pointing an accusing finger at the Retro. "I don't believe it! From what I just saw, RUPERT AND EARL are the villains here! YA CAN'T FOOL ME, RUPERT! Wherever you are. But wherever you are, I shall PROVE that this is a… just a hologram!"

Calvin inched for the figure and poked at his shoe.

"AH HA!" Calvin screamed. "Quite a convincing robot, Chill! But you can't fool me! I read the newspaper comics!"

Calvin jumped onto Retro's head, and began to try and yank it off, thus revealing a robot head.

Retro continued to just stand there with a self-satisfied grin on his face, and his arms crossed.

"Boy, that thing's really on there!" Calvin screamed into the darkness. "But you still can't fool me, Chill!"

Calvin studied Retro.

"I still don't believe you're Retro," Calvin said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, you don't?" Retro asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I don't," Calvin said smugly. "You can't even do his voice right!"

"Really?" Retro asked. "What does Retro sound like then?"

"Like this!" Calvin started walking around, hump-backed. "Oh! He-wo! I'm Wetro! I am an evil genie-us! I have hair that could solve the oil problem of America, and breath that could stun a moose. Beware, for I will destroy all of you! Even though a six-year-old can beat in fifteen minutes."

Retro rolled his eyes.

"Normally, I would destroy you on the spot for such insults," he said. "But considering that we're going to torture you anyway, I can't care what you say."

"Eureka!" Calvin shouted. "The Real Retro would've destroyed me for such insults! I know it's you, Rupert! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Get over here so I can dramatically defeat you and get on with my life!"

"What would it take to convince you that I _am_ Retro?" Retro asked.

"If Rupert and Earl weren't involved," Calvin sniffed.

"Alright. They're not," Retro said, crossing his arms.

"How dumb do you think I am?" Calvin snarled.

"I've been working on that for a while," Retro sighed.

"OH, HO, _HO_!" Calvin screamed. "You are _not_ Retro! And that's final."

"I'm Retro," Retro said, getting impatient.

"You're Rupert."

"Retro!"

"RUPERT!"

"RETRO!"

"RUPERT!"

"Um…Rupert."

"Retro!"

"Rupert."

"Retro!"

"Rupert!"

"YOU'RE RETRO, AND THAT'S FINAL!" Calvin screamed, throwing spit into Retro's face.

"Oh, fine! You win! I'm Retro."

"Yes, you are! You think you can fool me? Well ya can't, Larry, because…"

Calvin thought about the conversation that he had just had.

"OH HA! Very tricky, Rupert! Thinking you can fool me with that switcheroo idea. Oh HA!"

Retro sighed.

"Alright," he muttered. "If I'm not Retro, then how did Rupert and Earl know of me in the first place?"

"Uh…," Calvin rolled his eyes around.

"And why is Bob also on the ship?" Retro asked.

"Um… Well…"

"And why is the Imaginator here?" Retro asked.

"Ok, you've raised some considerable points," Calvin said, tapping his chin.

"Yes, it is I! RETRO!" Retro screeched, throwing his arms into the air. "And thanks to your buddies, Rupert and Earl, I HAVE BEEN RELEASED FROM THE FOREVER SLEEP WITHIN THE IMAGINATOR!"

"Creepy," Calvin said.

"And now you will PAY!"

"That doesn't sound too good."

Retro hit a button on a remote control. He turned an evil grin onto Calvin.

"Attention," he said into the microphone. "The…um…Earth Potentate, has been captured. Please report to the Imaginator IMMEDIATELY!"

Calvin groaned. "Don't tell me _you've _fallen for that malarkey too!"

"No, no, I'm probably the only here who knows you're _not_ the Supreme Earth Potentate, but hey, it's business," Retro chuckled. "Bob _might_ know, but hey, you never know with him."

At that very moment, Rupert, Earl, and Bob walked into the room.

"Well, hello, Calvin," Rupert said. "Long time no see."

"I can see that your still shaken up from that last meeting we had together, Rooty!"

"Rooty?" Earl asked, confused.

"Yeah, Rooty," Calvin said. "It's close to Rupert. So I guess the full thing would be 'Rooty Root Beer Chill' I guess."

Retro and Rupert rolled their eyes.

"Well, Potentate, your time has come," Rupert snarled.

"Really?" Calvin asked. He glanced at his watch. "Hooray! 6:56 is my favorite time of day!"

"How come?" Bob asked.

"Because all the numbers are close to my age."

Retro rolled his eyes and grabbed the helmet on the Imaginator.

ZAP!

"YAH!" Calvin was thrown into a yellow orb that had electricity going through it.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Calvin demanded, punching at the wall of the orb.

"We're gonna torture you," Retro said.

"WHAT?" Calvin said.

Retro started laughing.

"No, seriously, I didn't hear what you said," Calvin said.

Retro sighed.

"I said, we're going to torture you!" he repeated.

"Oh, Ok. I caught it that time."

The yellow orb vanished and dropped to the ground.

Calvin stood up and brushed himself off.

"But if you're going to torture me, you're going to have to do it the way Earthlings do it," Calvin said to Retro. "And being a fellow earthling, I'm sure you'll probably understand."

"Why?" asked Retro.

"Well, let's think about it, Mr. I-Know-Everything," Calvin said. "Can't you imagine the horrors that would happen if you tortured me _their_ way?"

He pointed at Rupert and Earl.

"Yes," Retro said dreamily.

"Not just to me, but the entire universe!" Calvin announced.

Calvin received expressionless stares. He had everybody's attention.

"If you broke the balance of torture, then just think! Entire galaxies would collapse! Planets of all shapes and sizes (Including Zok, I might add), would crumble and explode into seventy-three pieces!"

Some of the aliens gasped in horror.

"There'd be millions of aliens in the streets! Begging for food and dying horrible deaths!"

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances of amusement. That wasn't a good sign.

"And furthermore, I'm your guest in this UFO! Therefore, I should choose how you torture me!"

There was a long moment of silence, in which several pairs of eyes stared at Calvin.

One of the aliens muttered, "He's got a point there…"

Calvin looked around the faces among them.

They looked…poker-faced. No expression whatsoever! It looked like someone had stolen all of their emotions.

Then Rupert smiled.

"No, Calvin, you can not choose how we kill you."

Calvin grinned. He started leaping in the air, going, "HOO-RAY!"

He stopped all of a sudden and gave them a glare. "I suppose you know I'm outraged!"

Rupert looked at Earl. "Poor little fella," he said.

* * *

_**Authors' Note: **People, don't be afraid to review.Don't act like you don't like this story, because this is my third most popular story on my profile, and it's got over five hundred hits. So, come on! Give an opinion!_


	7. The Ghost Ship

"I demand to know what you're going to do with me!" Calvin commanded. "If you don't tell me then I'll… Hm…"

He thought for a second.

"Well, there isn't much to do when someone's about to torture you anyway, huh?" he asked.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro shook their heads in unison.

"Alright then," Calvin said. "If you don't treat me like a guest and kill me MY way, I'll… I'll come back as a ghost and haunt these very walls of which you are standing in…on."

Calvin chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Heh, heh, what do you say to that!"

"We don't believe in ghosts," Earl yawned.

Calvin's smile wilted.

"Oh," he said. "Then what's that white thing behind you with the glowing green eyes and razor sharp talons?"

Calvin's words immediately started a mass panic.

All at once we had a hundred head of moron aliens, and one human called Bob (who only screamed because _they_ were), running around in circles, running into each other and blocking Rupert, Earl, and Retro from getting to Calvin.

"YOU IDIOTS!" Rupert yelled. "THERE'S NO GHOST! STOP! HALT! YOU DUMBELLS!"

While the three villains tried to restore order to their lunatic crew, Calvin made his getaway.

"Don't go!" an alien shouted at Calvin. "There might be one at the doorway!"

Calvin gave the chaos a sweet grin, and then ran out of the room.

Calvin slammed the door and locked it. He chuckled and ran off. He burst into the control room.

There he saw an alien sitting in his chair, grumbling and muttering about, oh, the usual. It was too cold, he wasn't getting paid enough, his leg hurt, there was a planet leader gawking at him, and so on.

Calvin ignored him, and zoomed over to the control panel.

"Hey!" he called. "Which one's the planet selector?"

The alien looked up.

"…can't believe I'm stuck here staring at a bunch of stupid levers… It's the big red button with the green star on top… And everybody else just comes to me for their stupid questions about where's this thing? Where's that thing? They don't go through the trouble to learn how to operate the stupid thing…"

Calvin hit the button.

"Welcome to the Planet Selector," a voice said. "Which planet do you want to set the coordinates to?"

A small screen came up showing a yellow planet.

"Planet Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm. Home to the Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm-ians, and makers of the best Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm-ian burgers in all of Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm-ville"

Calvin's eyes glazed over. He hit the arrow button, and another planet came up.

"Planet Mnbvcxzlkjhgfdsapoiuytrewq," the voice said. "Home to the mnbvcxzlkjhg…"

Calvin slammed his fist into the arrow button. No one has that kind of time.

"Planet Earth," the voice said finally. "Home to the most obsolete and stupidest aliens in the universe, THE EARTHLINGS! If that is your choice, please engage hyper drive."

Calvin threw his fist at the screen.

"What do you mean the Most Obsolete aliens in the universe?" he demanded. "At least we've gone into space, before!"

"Yeah but you've never been on another planet before," the voice said. "And besides, you're always fighting."

"Good point," Calvin said. "Well, I have nothing against the stupidest aliens in the universe part."

Calvin's hands reached for the lever that engaged the hyper drive. He pulled the lever.

A voice came onto the speaker.

"We're sorry. Your call can not be completed as dialed. Please check the number, and dial again."

Calvin blinked.

"NO!" he bellowed. "You stupid computer! I ought to SUE YOU!"

Calvin slammed his fist into the intercom button.

* * *

Meanwhile, Retro, Rupert, and Earl had just about calmed everybody down, until Calvin's voice rang out of the speakers.

"I ought to SUE YOU!"

"Ah!" they all started screaming, again. "We're gonna be sued! I'm too young to be sued! I don't even know what sue means!"

Retro's eyes rolled into the back of his head, Rupert slapped his forehead, and Earl let his head fall to his chest.

* * *

Calvin exited the control room and started searching for the Space Jets again.  
After the three villains had finally restored peace, they broke the door over and swarmed throughout the ship, looking for Calvin.

Calvin zoomed into the Space Jet Center, ripped a Space Jet pod open and leaped inside.

He stared at the controls.

"Start!" he commanded.

No response.

"You're not voice-commanded are you?" Calvin sighed.

No answer.

At that very moment, Retro burst into the Space Jet center.

"AH HA!" he declared.

Calvin stared at him.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I'm an evil genius," Retro said.

"Yeah, but _I'm_ going into second grade!" Calvin declared. "_I'm_ supposed to be the genius!"

Air hissed out of Retro's mouth.

After that, the three villains and the crew lead Calvin into the torture room.

"This, Calvin," Rupert said, "is the torture room. I take it you've been here before?"

"Um…no?"

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Earl asked. "We must have told the crew a billion times to remember to take you here the last time you were on this ship!"

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances, then glared at the crew who were whistling, shuffling their tentacles, and avoiding Rupert's gaze.

"You forgot to do it, didn't you?" Earl said in a dangerous calm.

"No, it's not that," one alien said. "We just… Uhh… Well, you see, there was this show on called SpongeBob SquarePants, and…"

They all started pointing at each other.

"IT'S LENNY'S FAULT! HE TURNED THE TV ON!"

"THAT'S A FILTHY LIE! IT WAS KENT'S FAULT! HE SUGGESTED THAT WE PUT IT ON NICKELODEON!"

"YEAH, BUT IT WAS DANNY WHO SAID HE WANTED TO PUT IT ON NICKELODEON WEST!"

"THAT WASN'T ME; THAT WAS JAY!"

At that very moment, the entire crew got involved in a heated argument, which soon turned into a fight.

Lenny bit Kent, and Kent kicked John, who was straggling Michael, who had his head stuck in Jay's mouth.

Five pairs of eyes stared at the war going on next to them.

"Do you even remember what they're fighting about?" Retro asked.

Bob, Rupert and Earl shook their heads in unison.

Calvin's eyes rolled around to his three and a half enemies.

They were staring at the scuffle, and paying no attention to… Hm…

Calvin started edging away.

Retro's eyes shot around and glared at him.

"Where do you think you're going?" he growled.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Calvin said innocently.

"Yeah, right," Retro snarled. "I'm not falling for that."

"Well, just darn the luck," Calvin said. "I guess I'll have to use my brute strength to escape from you."

"Uh-huh."

"No kidding," Calvin said. "I can escape anytime I want."

"O-o-o-o-kay," Retro said. "Why don't you prove it? In ten seconds make a run for it and see what happens."

There was a moment of silence.

Then ten seconds went by, and Calvin screamed, "GHOST!"

At that, the aliens stopped their fight, long enough to panic and run all over the place, running into each other and blocking Retro's grasp from Calvin.

Calvin smiled sweetly, scratched an itch on his head, yawned, and strolled out of the room. Stopping every few steps to tie and retie his shoes.

That just drove Retro insane. He screamed at Calvin, threw his arms into the air, foamed at the mouth, and started taking his anger out on the first alien he saw.

Calvin walked out of the room.

* * *

The full day had been nothing but misery for the gang.

They had finished the movie and were now at the playground, trying hard to have fun, but Evil Calvin was being, well, evil, and they had yet to find out what was really going on.

"Was he like this yesterday?" Andy asked Hobbes.

"YOU CALL THIS A DELECTABLE DAIRY PRODUCT?" Evil Calvin shouted at an ice cream vendor. "THIS IS THE WORST CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM CONE I'VE EVER HAD! I OUGHTA SUE YOU!"

"Yes," Hobbes replied, rolling his eyes.

"What do we do about him?" groaned Socrates. "I can't prank him, you can't pounce him, Rodent Breath can't insult him and Andy can't…um, what does Andy do?"

"He carries Rodent Breath around."

"Hey!" Andy and Sherman shouted.

Evil Calvin was still contemplating how he was going to send his plan to Retro and Rupert. He didn't have a radio or a transmitter with him, and he would have to remind himself later to yell at them about that if he ever got in contact with them.

"I wonder if the smart-mouthed rodent would have a transmitter I could use," he thought. "I'll have to disguise my reasons though."

Evil Calvin approached Sherman, who was sitting on a bench, writing equations on a notepad with a tiny pen.

"Sherman, ol' pal," he started.

"What do you want, tick?" the little hamster asked coldly.

"First of all, don't ever call me that, or I'll squash you. Secondly, I need to know if you have a transmitter I could use to get in contact with Galaxer and Nebuloid."

"You mean Galaxoid and Nebular, you twit," Sherman snorted. "And yes, I do, but it's in Socrates' head. I think you already knew that."

"How did you get it in there?"

"What do you mean, 'how did I get it in there'? _You were there_! You kept talking about it for weeks because it was 'so cool'," Sherman scoffed.

"Oh, right. Well, how do I activate it?"

"You just have to use the activation code: 98462."

Evil Calvin made a mental note of that.

"Thank you."

"Just, whatever you do, don't mention it to Socrates," said Sherman. "He'd kill us both."

"Whatever."

Evil Calvin approached Socrates.

"What's up, squirt?" asked the red-tailed tiger.

"Oh, I'm thinking of a number between 98461 and 98463. Take a guess as to what it is," Evil Calvin said.

Socrates stared at him. "Um, 98462?" he asked.

"Correct!"

Suddenly, Socrates jumped into the air, landed on his tail, spun around, closed his eyes and put his hands up.

"This is the Galaxy Transmitting System sending out a transmission from Earth. Please state the planet you are trying to reach?" Socrates said in a high-tech voice.

"Planet Zok," Evil Calvin stated.

"Planet Zok is being contacted. Please wait…Do, do, do, duh, do, duh, do, dee, dudaloo… We have reached contact with Planet Zok. Please state who you wish to contact."

"The Alien King: Rupert Chill."

"Please state your business."

Evil Calvin was growing impatient. "We need to discuss the plans so he and Retro can take over Earth," he grunted.

"We shall now connect you with him," said Socrates / Transmitter.

Evil Calvin grinned evilly. What else would you expect?

* * *

Meanwhile, Rupert, Earl, and Retro were still trying to calm the moron crew down.

Suddenly, something on Rupert's uniform started beeping.

Rupert paused from beating Lenny up, to scream at everybody to shut up their yapping and answer the phone.

"Hello?" he asked. "This better be good, we're in the middle of a deep discussion."

"This is Evil Calvin," said a voice. "I'd like to give you an extraordinary discovery."

"Well, Ok," Earl said. "But make it snappy."

"I have discovered a Planet Deteriorater," Evil Calvin said. "We can relinquish it on Earth, and therefore scare everyone into falling under our control!"

Retro walked up just then.

"Amazing," he said. "I never thought of that!"

"That is because you rarely think," Evil Calvin said evilly.

"HEY!" Retro yelled. "Let me remind you who can reduce you to ashes with the Imaginator!"

"Uh-huh," Evil Calvin said. "Anyway, that's the plan."

"Good plan," Rupert said. "And does anyone suspect you?"

Over the radio, Evil Calvin chuckled. Evilly

"Not even a raised eyebrow, Rupert."

"Calvin, who are you talking to?" asked Hobbes' voice.

* * *

Evil Calvin whirled around. Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were staring at him.

"Galaxy and Neptune, why?"

Hobbes raised an eyebrow.

"Just wondering."

Hobbes turned to Andy and Sherman and shrugged. They resumed what they were doing previously.

Evil Calvin turned back to Socrates.

* * *

"Well, that was close. What was I saying?"

"Something about no one suspecting you?" Earl said expressionlessly.

"Oh yeah," Evil Calvin said. "Well, anyway, that's it."

"Alright," Retro said. "Do it as soon as possible."

Evil Calvin chucked again. Evilly, I might add.

"Don't worry. I'll sneak into the house tonight, and try and find out how to work it. Now then, how do you turn this guy off?"

Rupert pushed another button on his uniform, and the phone went off.

* * *

Meanwhile, Evil Calvin had also turned Socrates' transmitter off, and he returned to normal.

"What happened?" Socrates asked.

"Oh, nothing," Evil Calvin grinned slyly, and he walked away, basically scaring Socrates out of his wits.

"Alright," Rupert said. "Now all we have to do is recapture Calvin for the billionth time today."

"Can we start screaming about the ghost again now?" asked Lenny.

"If you do, I'll tear your head off."

"Oh darn."

And they set off after Calvin.

Again.

Little did anyone know that Galaxoid and Nebular were hovering next to the ship in their little UFO.

And they had heard everything.


	8. Holding Out For a Hero

While they were running around after Calvin in space, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates were retreating to the sanctity of the bedroom.

"What a day _this_ has been," Andy groaned. "What is Calvin's problem?"

"Maybe the wrong end was slapped at birth," said Sherman.

"Followed by a quick blow to the head," added Socrates.

Hobbes looked over the stair railing at Evil Calvin, who was looking at world maps for some reason.

"Where's the lava?" Evil Calvin was mumbling. "This place is probably _freezing_!"

Hobbes sighed and joined the gang.

"He's reading maps and looking for lava," he moaned. "Where does he think we are? Planet Zok?"

The gang looked at each other.

"Something doesn't seem right about this," said Andy.

"I'll say. Zok is ninety percent lava," said Socrates. "Who on Earth would wanna liVE THERE!"

The gang jumped at Socrates' sudden outburst. He suddenly jumped into the air, landed on his tail, spun around, closed his eyes and put his hands up.

"Incoming transmission from Galaxoid and Nebular," he said.

The gang snapped to attention.

Socrates started to move from left to right, waving his arms around. "Warning! Warning! Danger! Danger!" He resumed his original position. "This message is a warning of danger."

Galaxoid's voice came on.

"Hobbes! Someone answer!"

Nebular came on too.

"Is anybody there!"

Hobbes got close to Socrates. "Guys, guys, calm down! What's the matter?"

"And this had better not be a call for rocky road ice cream," added Sherman angrily.

"No, it isn't," said Nebular. "We just saw Rupert and Earl!"

"And Retro and Bob!" added Galaxoid.

"Retro and Rupert?" Hobbes asked in disbelief. "Together!"

"Yes, they've joined forces and they've got Calvin!" said Galaxoid.

"What are you talking about?" asked Andy. "Calvin's here with us."

"No!" replied Nebular. "That's not the real Calvin! It's an evil clone created by the Imaginator! He's found Sherman's Planet Deteriorater and is planning to scare everyone into bowing down before Rupert and Retro!"

Hobbes' eyes crossed, Sherman gasped and Andy stared.

"What do we do!" Hobbes asked.

"There's no way we could save Calvin alone," said Galaxoid. "You'll have to come up into space and help us. Hobbes, it's up to you."

Hobbes groaned and held the bridge of his nose.

"Why is it _I_ have to do all the hard stuff?" he asked.

"Yeah, _I'm_ more deserving!" snapped Sherman.

"That's true, but you're far too small to handle it."

"You don't have much time," said Nebular. "You need to get off the planet before Evil Calvin blackmails Earth."

"But how do we do that?" asked Andy.

"Hey, that's _your_ problem," said Galaxoid. "Some things _you_ gotta figure out for yourselves."

"Well, thanks for the info, guys," said Hobbes. "We'll meet you in space whenever."

"No prob," said Galaxoid. "When you get a ship, call us at our number, and we'll send you the coordinates."

"This is Galaxoid and Nebular signing off," said Nebular.

There was a brief dial tone, and then Socrates said, "Resume normal functions in three, two, BELCH!"

Hobbes waved the bad air away from his face.

"What'd I miss?" Socrates asked.

"Uh, while you were out of it," Hobbes said, "Galaxoid and Nebular sent us a message. Retro and Rupert have teamed up to kill Calvin!"

"Yay!" cheered Socrates.

Hobbes glared at him.

"I mean, oh no."

"And they've replaced Calvin with an evil duplicate, and it's the one we've been hanging out with all day!" Hobbes continued.

"You're kidding!"

"And Evil Calvin found Sherman's Planet Deteriorating Radio Transmitter, and they're going to use it to scare everyone into their control."

"Ah, therefore making this all _Sherman's_ fault," said Socrates.

"Exactly."

"Hey!" Sherman squeaked.

"So what do we do now?" asked Andy.

"We're going to go into space and meet Galaxoid and Nebular," Hobbes said decidedly. "We're going to save Calvin from Rupert and Retro! We'll do whatever it takes!"

"Wow, I've never seen you so brave before," said Socrates. "Usually you're terrified of moments like this!"

"Said the tiger that napped on top of a building while I wandered through town saying 'ALL HAIL RUPERT'," snorted Andy.

"When do we leave?" asked Sherman.

"Never," said an evil voice.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman froze. Slowly but surely, they managed to turn their heads around towards the door.

Evil Calvin stood there, holding a remote control.

"EVIL!" shouted Socrates.

Evil Calvin chuckled. He held the remote up.

"What's that?" asked Hobbes nervously.

"Nothing, just the button that will destroy the world if you make one wrong move."

"How'd you get that!" demanded Sherman. "I kept it locked up!"

"I'm evil," Evil Calvin replied. "I have my ways."

"Nice going, Vermin," Hobbes muttered.

The gang backed away slowly.

Socrates spotted an object on the floor the interested him greatly.

"Don't worry," Evil Calvin continued. "I won't do anything, provided you all stay here."

"Okay, but can I get a last request?" Socrates asked.

"What?"

"Can we have a group hug?"

Hobbes, Sherman and Andy stared at him as if he were a moron.

"Sure, why not. Go ahead."

Hobbes, Socrates, Sherman and Andy hugged each other.

But then, all of a sudden…

BOOM!

A strange sensation went over the four of them.

"Wha happened?" asked Andy.

When they separated, they saw that Evil Calvin was frozen in mid-pose. Everything had frozen.

They glanced at Socrates, who was holding Calvin's Time Pauser.

"No need to thank me," Socrates said, grinning smugly.

They handed it to Andy, who put it in his pocket.

"Don't leave it on pause for too long or the batteries will wear out," Hobbes reminded him.

They scrambled past the frozen Evil Calvin, down the stairs and out the door.

There, Andy hit the button and unpaused time.

BOOM!

"What do we do now?" asked Socrates.

"We need a rocket!" said Hobbes. "But where do we get one?"

Andy glanced at Sherman. "Sherman has one."

"Shut up!" Sherman shouted.

"Oh, he does, does he?" Hobbes said curiously.

"No!"

"Yes," said Andy. "Come with me. I'll show you."

They ran down the street towards Andy's house, Sherman shouting the whole way.

Evil Calvin looked around in confusion in the bedroom. He looked out the window and saw the four figures running down the sidewalk.

"Go ahead and run," he muttered evilly. "But you'll never make it in time." And he left the house. He had a place to go himself…

* * *

Upon arrival at Andy's place, Andy led Hobbes and Socrates towards the tool shed, Sherman shouting the whole way. 

"I don't want these two felines getting fur all over my rocket!" Sherman was yelling.

"Tell it to someone who cares," Andy retorted.

Andy opened the tool shed and went inside.

"I'll be right back," he said, slamming the door.

There was a brief pause.

Suddenly, the ground started to shake as it opened up.

Hobbes and Socrates watched with wide eyes and open mouths as a gigantic rocket started to rise out of the ground. It was made out of chrome, so it shined.

"Sweeeeet…," said Socrates.

"How did a tiny lump of fur build something that big?" Hobbes asked Andy.

"Who cares?" replied Andy. "Let's go into space and save Calvin!"

Andy opened the door to the ship and ran inside, followed by Hobbes and Socrates. Sherman groaned and followed.

"Cool!" shouted Socrates. "It has cup holders!"

Sherman sighed and got up on the counter. "You blithering drone," he muttered.

Hobbes sat down at the front. "Okay, let's get in contact with Galaxoid and Nebular so that they can send us the coordinates."

Sherman pressed some buttons on the dashboard, and then they heard a voice on the radio.

"Hello?"

It was Galaxoid.

"Galaxoid, we're in Sherman's ship," Hobbes said.

"How did a tiny lump of fur build something that big?" asked Nebular.

Socrates suppressed some giggles while Sherman glared.

"That's not the point," said Hobbes. "We need to get those coordinates."

"Coming right up," said Galaxoid.

Numbers flashed across a screen on the dashboard. A 3D picture of space started to move along the TV screen. Finally, a 3D model of Rupert's ship appeared.

"Okay, we've got it locked," said Hobbes.

"Good. We'll meet you here," said Nebular. "Signing off."

With the radio off, Hobbes put the key in the ignition.

"Is everybody ready?" he asked nervously.

"Ready," said Andy.

"All set," said Socrates.

"Whatever," Sherman snorted.

Hobbes gulped nervously.

"Well, I've lived a good life."

He turned the key.

The thrusters kicked in.

The rocket lifted from the launch-pad.

A guy walking his dog walked on the other side of the street when he saw it taking off.

"Mmm-Hmmmm," he muttered to himself, and he walked his dog a little faster.


	9. Danger and Play

"Are we there yet?" Socrates moaned, impatiently.

"Rupert's spaceship is approximately three hundred light years from present location," said the computer.

"Oh come on," Socrates muttered. "Can't you make this stupid thing go faster, Bucky?"

Sherman glared at Socrates.

"I assure you!" he yelled. "It _will_ go faster! It just needs time to warm up."

Socrates narrowed his eyes to slits, and held up his arm.

He began scratching vigorously on it, causing orange and black hairs to float to the ground.

"YEEK!" Sherman screeched. "Here, I'll just engage the hyper drive."

Sherman leaped off Andy's shoulder, and hopped over to the control panel.

He pushed a couple of buttons, and the ship began to pick up speed.

He then hopped off the panel, and walked back to Andy.

Socrates rolled his eyes around, and swiped his red-striped tail to the right.

WHACK!

"Whoops," Socrates grinned, as his tail sent him flying into the wall. "Sorry, rodent breath, stay out of the way.

Sherman gave Socrates a murderous glare.

Suddenly, the computer started beeping.

The four turned and stared at it.

_Unknown aliens approaching._

"Hmmmm," Hobbes muttered. "That's weird."

Hobbes looked outside.

They were surrounded by red planets.

Hobbes mouth suddenly went dry. The last time he had seen those planets…

"What's that!" Sherman demanded. "And what's it doing clogging up my radar screen!"

Hobbes eyes darted to the radar screen.

They were coming. From all directions. They were being hunted.

Socrates looked over at Hobbes.

"Hobbes," he started. "I think you know what these things are called."

Hobbes nodded slowly.

"And would they happen to be of the friendly variety?"

Hobbes shook his head slowly.

"Uh-huh. And what are these things called?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Shadowfax," Hobbes uttered.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Shadow facts?" Sherman said, in disgust. "What the heck are Shadow facts?"

"How about Twenty Questions!" Socrates said, excitedly. "Let's see, first let's study the name. Shadow Fax. Hmmm… I'm guessing they're dangerous fax machines that cast a bunch of shadows, right?"

Hobbes shook his head.

"No? Well, let's see. A shadow that uses fax machines? No? Well, how about giant, shadowy facts that…"

"THEY'RE MONSTERS!" Hobbes bellowed. "LARGE, BLACK, LETHAL, SCREECHING MONSTERS!"

Andy gulped.

"Do they eat meat?" he asked, nervously.

"They'll eat anything they can get their hands o—" Hobbes was cut off, when suddenly something big collided with the ship, and sent Hobbes and the gang crashing into the opposite wall.

Suddenly, something of equal size collided with the side Hobbes and the gang had flown into, and they went flying back into the other wall.

There was a moment of tense silence.

Hobbes rolled his eyes around.

Suddenly, the air was filled with the sounds of screeching and high pitched wails.

Andy gasped as one of the Shadowfax attached itself to the window, and stared at him with hungry, bloodshot eyes.

"Don't worry!" Hobbes yelled. "Light shrivels them up!"

Hobbes rushed to the control panel, and stared at it.

"Hey, rat, where do you keep the flashlights?" Hobbes demanded.

Sherman snorted, and crossed his arms.

"Ya know, I might just not want to tell you, for personal reasons," he sniffed.

Suddenly, there was an extra hard crash on the side of the ship, and the screeches got louder.

"You were saying?" Hobbes asked.

"It's in that red compartment," Sherman said.

Hobbes grabbed a Black 'n' Decker flashlight out of the compartment, and switched it on.

He grinned as a thick, line of bright white light shot out.

"EAT SUNLIGHT!" Hobbes yelled.

He spun around, and shone the flashlight right on the…Shadowfax, and it didn't do much good, actually, which confused Hobbes.

"Oh yes, Hobbo," Socrates said. "It's already disintegrating into a hideous green, gelatinous mass."

"Shush!" Hobbes spat. "I'm trying to think!"

This didn't make sense. It worked last time! Hobbes shines light on Shadowfax, Shadowfax explodes, day dramatically saved. Everything had been going his way! BUT IT WASN'T WORKING THIS TIME!

"TAKE SHELTER!" Sherman yelled, as the Shadowfax started banging his fists into cracking glass.

"I think you mean, take cover," Socrates corrected.

"Do you want to hide, or teach grammar! COME ON!" Andy and Sherman bolted down the ship.

Hobbes and Socrates followed.

"I don't get it!" Hobbes huffed. "Calvin and I beat off the Shadowfax last time! Why isn't it working now?"

"How big were those last Shadowfax?" Socrates asked.

"What?"

"I said, 'how big were they last time?'"

"I dunno, about three or four feet."

"Uh huh, and how big are _these_ things?"

"They looked like maybe…"

Hobbes paused.

"…eight feet tall."

"Uh-huh," Socrates said. "So, I'd predict they're some kind of special species. Doesn't that just make you wanna go space-walking?"

"This isn't the time for jokes!" Hobbes snarled.

The four ran towards a metal door with a wheel instead of a doorknob.

Sherman grabbed the wheel with his tiny paws, and pushed.

It didn't budge.

"Which of you fools closed this door up!" Sherman demanded.

Andy sighed, and opened the door himself.

The four then ran inside.

"Now what?"

"We wait here until either the Shadow-whatevers eat the entire ship, or till we die," Socrates said.

"SOCRATES!" the three screamed.

"Sorry," Socrates said, rolling his eyes around.

Suddenly the giant breed of Shadowfax collided with the ship again, and roared.

_SCREEEEEECH!_

"Too bad we don't have that alien manual like we did last time," Hobbes said. "That helped us out a lot."

"That's it!" Sherman yelled.

He turned to Socrates.

"I'm thinking of a number between 98461 and 98463!"

Socrates stared at him.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Just say the number!" Sherman yelled.

"I'm starting to get suspicious here, rat."

"SAY THE NUMBER!"

"WELL MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO!" Socrates screamed even louder.

"I'll tie your tail into a knot if you don't!" Sherman yelled, louder still.

"Prepare to burn, buck tooth!"

Socrates marched over to Sherman and whacked him into the wall.

"OW!" Sherman yelled. "How dare you! I am a genius! SAY THAT STUPID NUMBER!"

"MAKE ME!"

"Make ya, huh?" Sherman yelled, angrily. "I'll make ya! I'LL MAKE YA A HAM SANDWICH, IS WHAT I'LL MAKE YA!"

"YEAH? I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TR—"

_BANG!_

There was an extra loud boom, and suddenly, the sound of running footsteps filled the ship.

"98462," Socrates said.

He suddenly jumped into the air, landed on his tail, spun around, closed his eyes and put his hands up.

"This is the Galaxy Transmitting System sending out a transmission from space. Please state the planet you are trying to reach?" Socrates said in a high-tech voice.

"Galaxoid and Nebular," Hobbes said.

"Galaxoid and Nebular being contacted. Please wait…Do, do, do, duh, do, duh, do, dee, dudaloo… We have reached contact with Galaxoid and Nebular. Please wait."

There was a moment of silence, and suddenly, Galaxoid's voice came on.

"I told you I didn't want fries with that water, you dolt!"

"Yes, oh wondrous creature of my unworthy skin!" said the voice of a slave robot.

"Hey, Galaxoid, the light to the intercom's on."

"Huh?"

"I said, 'Hey Galaxoid, the light…"

"I heard what you said!"

"Why'd you ask then?"

"I asked because… Never mind, Nebular! You take a good idea, and run it into the ground! I'm sorry I brought it up!"

"That's OK, you couldn't help it."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Hobbes hated to cut two aliens off, but there was scratching heard from behind the steel door, and the Shadowfax were sniffing the area out.

"GALAXOID! NEBLUAR! We're under attack!"

"Huh! Who said that?"

"Never mind who said it!" Hobbes screamed as the Shadowfax started banging their fists into the door. "Just tell us how to defeat ten foot Shadowfax!"

"Shadowfax?" Galaxoid asked. "Wow. We haven't faced off with one of those things for a while. Do you remember how we defeated it, Nebular?"

"We did something with a flashlight," Nebular said. "But those were those simple three footers. You wanted to know how to defeat the big ones?"

"YES!" Hobbes screamed.

Andy shrieked as a black fist exploded out of the three inch steel door.

Those Shadowfax were skinny, but they were STRONG! I mean, they could reduce three inch thick steel to sawdust in less than a minute. And that info didn't fascinate Hobbes much.

"Let's see," Nebular said. "Was it water?"

Hobbes grabbed a bucket of water and poured it over the Shadowfax's arm.

"No, you're thinking of Blackosts," Galaxoid said.

"Oh," Nebular said. "Well. Maybe it was fire."

Hobbes grabbed a match, lit it, and threw it on the Shadowfax's arm.

"No that was the Spacers. That kind of Shadowfax LOVE fire."

Hobbes slapped his forehead, as another black arm blasted a hole in the steel.

"WOULD YOU HURRY UP!" Sherman boomed.

"Wait, wait!" Nebular said. "I remember now! It was ice! Yes, I'm almost sure it was! I'm giving you an Almost Guarantee."

"What's an Almost Guarantee?" Galaxoid asked.

"It's one notch shorter from a Gold Plated Guarantee," Nebular said.

"I think they want the gold plated one, if it isn't too much trouble," Galaxoid said.

"I'm afraid were all out of that kind."

"Oh darn."

"SIGN OFF!" Sherman yelled.

"Fine, fine. Galaxoid and Nebular signing off."

Socrates' high-tech voice came on.

"Resume normal functions in three, two, one…"

Socrates shook his head, and muttered, "Whoa. What happened? Besides the creepy arms grabbing at Hobbes, and the loud screams?"

"Socrates, old buddy," Hobbes said. "What's the meanest, sneakiest, nastiest trick you can think of that involves ice and freezing conditions?"

Socrates grinned, darkly.

"Hobbo, you've come to the right place."

* * *

The Shadowfax continued to claw at the entrance. 

"Hey guys!" said Socrates' voice.

The Shadowfax looked up.

Socrates grinned over at them.

"Looking for a juicy tiger to eat? I'm your man! Technically, I'm your tiger, but you get the picture."

The Shadowfax stared at him.

Then one of them howled and dove after him.

Socrates spun around and bolted off with the Shadowfax on his tail.

Suddenly, Socrates leaped into the air and landed on his feet next to a steel door.

The Shadowfax zoomed towards him.

Socrates placed both hands behind his back.

"All you can eat buffet!" Socrates yelled. "Is that as fast as you can go?"

Darkness began to enclose the tiger as the Shadowfax moved in.

Suddenly, one of the black creatures stepped on a catch rope that had been placed ever-so perfectly on the ground.

That Shadowfax grabbed the other and that other grabbed the other, other.

The catch rope flung upward, and the Shadowfax flew through the air.

Socrates ripped a steel door open, revealing a freezer.

The Shadowfax all tumbled in.

Socrates slammed the door shut, and listened to the screams and wails inside.

"Gee, that was easy," Socrates said, dusting his hands together. "I'll have to try that one on Calvin."

"You better not have left black stains in my freezer, CAT!" Sherman screeched, as him, Andy, and Hobbes stepped out of the shelter.

"Oh, dry up," Socrates said. "There's nothing wrong with your stupid freezer."

Sherman glared ice picks at Socrates, as Hobbes closed up the door to outside and pushed the OXYGEN RESTORATION button.


	10. Writing to Reach You

Retro walked over to the Space Jets room, and found Calvin screaming and yelling at one of them, and threatening to sue it.

Calvin was so involved in screaming and carrying on at the inanimate object, he didn't see Retro grab him by the shirt collar and carry him away.

"HEY! NO FAIR! YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO ANNOUNCE YOU'RE ARRIVAL! YOU MORON! YOU AMATEUR! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER, YOU CREEP! AND I HOPE PEANUTS GO UP TEN BUCKS A PEANUT!"

Retro flung Calvin back into the torture room, where everyone was waiting.

"I DEMAND THAT YOU STOP STARING AT ME!" Calvin screamed at the aliens. "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW MY DAD'S A LAWYER! YOU DON'T LAY A TENTACLE ON ME! I DEMAND THE RIGHT TO A FAIR TRIAL!"

Retro and Rupert stared at each other as Calvin continued to make threats to them.

"What should be our first method of torture?" asked Rupert studying the area around him.

"We might try the…," Retro was cut off.

"I DEMAND THAT YOU SET ME FREE! I HAPPEN TO HAVE A LIFE!"

"We might try the…"

"AND FURTHERMORE, YOU'RE A BUNCH OF UGLY CRETINS!"

"We might try th—"

"AND I HOPE THAT INTERGALACTIC UFOS GO UP FIFTY BUCKS!"

"We," Retro stated, squeezing his eyes shut.

"AND ALWAYS REMEMBER DECEMBER THAT YOU CAN NOT DEFEAT THE FORCES FOR THE CALVIN!"

"Are you through?" asked Retro.

"NO, I'M NOT THROUGH!" Calvin bellowed. "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY GENIUS IS BEING FORCED FOR WRONG DOING!"

"We're not making you do anything," Earl said.

"SAME TO YOU, BUB!" Calvin screeched. "I WILL NOW TEACH YOU DUMBBELLS A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER REMEMBER!"

Retro, Rupert, and Earl crossed their arms.

Bob and the aliens cowered behind the three villains.

Calvin marched over to Retro, and kicked his leg.

Retro stared down at him.

"Hard to beat up someone, when you're three feet tall, huh?" he asked.

Calvin gasped.

"_YOU'VE STOOPED TO HEIGHT JOKES! WELL I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW_……That I'm leaving. Goodbye."

And with that, Calvin flew out of the room.

"Oh, give me a break!" Rupert yelled.

"He's at the Space Jets," Retro said. "I'll be right back."

He walked out of the room, then returned, carrying the lunatic by his shirt collar.

"…AND FURTHERMORE, YOU'RE NOT DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR OUR COUNTRY BY HOLDING BACK ALL THAT OIL IN YOUR HEAD, YOU FREAK!"

"Well we can't torture him with him constantly escaping like this," Rupert stated.

"We'll have to throw him back into the cell until we find something to do with him," Earl said.

"We can't leave one of your crew guarding him," Retro said. "Not after what happened last time."

"WILL YOU QUIT TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT HERE!" Calvin bellowed.

"We're gonna have to make Bob guard him," said Earl.

All eyes turned to Bob.

Bob looked around.

Rupert blinked, then smiled.

"Brilliant idea," he said. "Oh Bob?"

* * *

The next thing Bob knew he was sitting in a chair next to Calvin's cell.

Calvin was there, grumbling up a storm and complaining about all the injustices in the world.

Then Calvin got an idea.

He walked over to the edge of the cell, and turned a sweet grin onto Bob.

"Hello, Bob," he said sneakily.

Bob turned a worried look onto Calvin.

"Please don't throw anything at me," Bob said.

"Oh don't worry," Calvin said. "I wouldn't think of such a thing…uh……would you help me escape?"

Bob looked up.

"Why would I do that?" he asked. "I'm supposed to be the bad guy."

"Correct," Calvin said. "But consider this. If you don't help me…_then your life will come to a sudden and unexpected stop!_" He finished the last statement through gritted teeth.

Bob's eyes nearly exploded out of his head.

"Sounds reasonable," he said.

He opened the door to Calvin's cell.

Calvin walked out.

"Now," he said. "I'm going to need you to cause a distraction so I can escape. In other words, decoy."

"DECOY!" Bob screamed. "There's no way I'm going to…"

Calvin grabbed Bob's shirt collar.

"You're giving me no choice, are you?" Bob asked.

"Nope."

"Suicide! _That's_ what you're asking!" he said. "Ho, what _madness_!"

He started pacing back and forth in front of Calvin.

"You've spent years practicing to be a bad guy, Bob," he said, mimicking Calvin. "Now all we ask of you is that you offer yourself to the dragon to be torn into ribbons of quivering bleeding flesh!"

"Are you finished?" Calvin asked.

He stopped.

"Yes, I am finished in every sense of the word!" he said. "However, if I might offer one small suggestion, suppose you held me in reserve while you escape so I can…"

"Get going."

"Very well, alright, fine. But I must warn you: if I am maimed or disfigured, I shall hold you personally responsible!"

"Hit the road."

"History will be your judge, Calvin!" Bob said. "Unborn generations of terror stricken weenies will…"

Calvin narrowed his eyes and started growling, dangerously.

Bob gulped and walked out of the room.

He walked over to the room where Retro, Rupert, and Earl were.

They all stared at him.

"What are you doing away from your post?" asked Retro.

Bob held his arms up and slowly started waving them up and down.

The villains stared at him.

Suddenly, Calvin bolted past them.

Retro's eyes bulged.

"YOU LET HIM ESCAPE!" he bellowed.

Bob cowered and nodded.

"Which death will you give me?" he asked.

"I might try the firing squad!" Retro yelled. "How could you be so dumb as to leave your post as he escapes?"

"What?" Bob asked

"You're sitting there playing airplane, and the Earth Potentate escaped! HOW CAN YOU MISS THAT!" Rupert screeched.

Bob cut his eyes from side to side.

"Uhhh…yeah. Let's go with that," he said, aware that villains did not yet know of his betrayal.

* * *

Meanwhile, Evil Calvin ran down the sidewalk.

When he came to the TV station at the end of town, he looked around to make sure no one was watching.

He chuckled (evilly, I might add), and began walking towards……a man in his way?

"Halt," the man said. "This area is for people who work here. You're not allowed."

Evil Calvin glared at him.

"I will give you exactly three seconds to get of my way before I DESTROY you!" he growled.

The man rolled his eyes.

"You're just a kid. What are you going to do?"

"I am counting," Evil Calvin said. "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ne……"

The man chuckled and crossed his arms.

"Two-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o……"

The man yawned.

"THREE!"

The next thing the man knew he was in the garbage barrel on the other side of the building, gagged, tied up, and missing one of his shoes.

Evil Calvin marched into the TV station.

He walked across the hallway.

"Let's see here," he muttered. "I need a way to transmit TV signals throughout this ice capped planet."

He came to a room with the words CONTROL ROOM on the window.

"Yeah! That'll do."

He walked into the room.

There, he ran into three people operating the panel.

"Outta my way, scum! I got a planet to take over!"

The three people stared at him.

"Who are you suppose to be?" asked one of them.

Evil Calvin sighed.

"I _so_ don't have time for this," he said.

Seconds later, the three operators were in the trash barrel with the guard.

Evil Calvin leaped onto a chair and studied the buttons.

"O-kay," he said. "Now what?"

Evil Calvin scratched his head in thought. Evil thought.

"I need some way to contact those ugly aliens."

The Evil so forth looked around, then spotted a generator on the floor.

He walked over to the generator and carried it over to the panel. He attached it to several wires under the panel.

Then, he took more wires from the generator, and started to climb out the window with them.

Evil Calvin walked up to the satellite dish, relocated several wires, and hooked the generator wires up to them. He then climbed back into the building, and started flipping several switches. He turned the generator on, and electricity started flowing through it and all around the dish outside, and the panel inside.

Evil Calvin laughed.

I doubt that I have to tell you how he laughed.

"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! All tasks completed! Now all I need is a transmitter."

Evil Calvin looked around for a transmitter.

"GEEZ! How out of date ARE these people!"

Then he spotted a telephone on the wall. He walked up to it, and tore it out of the wall. He walked back to the panel, and started hooking the wires up to it. He picked up the phone and started hitting buttons.

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep……_

Several minutes later, he placed the phone to his ear, and waited.

He heard Rupert pick up the phone.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" he screeched.

"STOP SCREAMING AT ME OR I'LL DESTROY YOU!" Evil Calvin yelled.

"I'M NOT SCREAMING!" Rupert screamed.

"Ok fine," Evil Calvin sighed. "I guess you don't want to take over Earth, that's fine with me."

Evil Calvin prepared to hang the phone up.

"Wait, wait!" Rupert yelled. "Alright! What's the plan?"

Evil Calvin held the phone back up to his ear.

"Find a video and voice transmitter and send it down to Earth. I have the satellite set up perfectly; the radio signals can't miss it."

"Uh huh," Rupert said. "That's it?"

"Yes, that's it," Evil Calvin said.

"OK thanks, now……LENNY YOU MORON! THE EARTH POTENTATE WENT DOWN THAT HALL!"

Evil Calvin rolled his eyes and hung up the phone.

Earth was deep trouble.

And the only people who could save it were light-years away in space.


	11. Blackmail

"Alright," Retro said. "Rupert? You and I will go and threaten the Earth. Earl? Bob? You two go after Calvin."

Earl and Bob nodded and started down the hall.

Earl was grumbling the whole way.

"Stupid moronic planet leader… Can't believe he keeps doing this… Who on Earth hires my idiotic crew?"

Bob was looking around, nervously, hoping that Earl wouldn't spot and or notice his sudden increased terror.

Calvin ran down the hall, zooming past several doors, until he came to the steel one.

He flung the door open and……the Imaginator was gone.

Calvin altered course and ran smack into Earl.

Earl reached for Calvin.

Calvin reached over, and grabbed Earl's tentacles.

"HEY!" Earl screamed, as Calvin flung Earl into the wall and rushed off.

Earl growled, got up, and started after Calvin again.

Calvin went panting past Bob.

"Hi, Bob! Bye, Bob!"

Earl ran up to Bob. Big mistake. Don't ever run up to Bob. Especially if you have tentacles, chrome heads that are pointed at the top and compound eyes.

Bob screamed like a mountain lion in distress and ran off in Calvin's direction, spewing dust into Earl's face as he left behind a dust cloud.

Earl muttered and grumbled and ran after the two lunatics.

Suddenly, the ship started to shake.

Earl looked around.

Then, the wall next to Earl exploded, and Calvin emerged from the wreckage in the Claw Car.

"Whoops," Earl said. "Probably shouldn't have left the keys in the ignition."

Calvin grinned and started pushing the levers forward.

The giant jaws at the end of the car reached downward for the alien.

Earl quickly morphed into a human and dove from the way as the car took out a huge chunk out of the floor.

Calvin started laughing like a maniac, as he hit full throttle and roared over to Earl, the claw snapping.

Earl picked pulled a black sphere out of his jacket, hit a small button, and tossed it at the Claw Car.

It blew up in mid air and smoke filled the hallway.

Calvin coughed and sputtered and started pushing and pulling levers in the car causing the Claw Car to go wild and take several chunks out of the wall, floor and ceiling.

When the smoke finally cleared, Calvin realized that Earl was standing on top of the claw and sliding down to the front where Calvin sat.

Calvin slammed his foot into the gas and roared down the hall.

Earl took hold of the windshield glass and started reaching for Calvin.

Calvin made a sharp turn to the left in an attempt to knock Earl off.

It backfired.

Both Calvin and Earl went flying through the air.

Earl landed in the car seat and Calvin landed on top of the claw.

Earl grinned and took the controls.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Calvin screamed, as Earl flung the claw from left to right trying to get a firm grip on him.

Calvin flung himself to the right side of the claw as Earl slammed the left side into the wall.

CRASH!

Then Calvin climbed to the left side as Earl flung the right side into the wall.

BANG!

Several aliens screamed like I-don't-know-what's and dove from the way as Earl madly tried to destroy Calvin.

Calvin slid down the claw and landed next to Earl.

Earl made a grab for Calvin. But he was too fast.

Calvin flung himself into the seat next to Earl.

Calvin then kicked and punched Earl out of the car and took the controls.

Calvin screeched to a stop and spun the car around and prepared to scoop Earl up in the jaws of the claw.

Earl ripped his ray gun out of his jacket and started firing at Calvin.

Calvin ripped the claw over to the side, and the plasma bounced off the claw and destroyed part of the wall.

Retro had made the claw too perfect, and Earl couldn't melt it.

Earl somersaulted out of the way as Calvin reached down to grab him once again.

"Requesting backup!" Earl screamed into the ship. "In other words, HELP ME OUT YOU MORONS!"

"That's not my area," said an alien.

"I don't wanna," said another.

"I'm on my lunch break," said another.

Earl's eyes slammed shut and made a mental note to kill everybody on the crew after he killed Calvin.

He turned his attention to Calvin only…hmmmm……

Calvin had vanished.

Earl leaped to his feet, and started running down the hall after him.

Bob had been watching the whole thing from behind a door. He looked down into where the door led, and it looked huge!

"This could be a good place to lie low until the heat's off," he muttered, and he shut the door after him.

Calvin had ripped apart several doors with the Claw Car as he roared down the hallways attempting to find a way out.

Earl chased after Calvin, firing his Ray Gun and trying to get either Calvin or the one of the wheels.

Calvin jerked the wheel to the left, and used the claw to destroy the wall in front of him, as he burst into the cafeteria.

Earl screeched to a stop, and followed Calvin through the hole in the wall.

Alien Bus boys and waiters dove from the way, as Calvin destroyed the dinner meat loaf.

Which consisted of things so disgusting, I wont even bother to mention it.

Calvin drew the claw backward and destroyed the wall in front of him, then started to roar down the hallway again.

Earl emerged from the wreckage, ray gun blasting, wildly.

Calvin looked over his shoulder.

"Geez doesn't this guy ever quit?" he asked impatiently.

Calvin slammed on the brakes, and spun the car around, and suddenly went screaming towards Earl.

"Oops," Earl said, as the claw reached down to eye level.

Earl did the only thing he could do; he collapsed to the ground, and became flat.

The Claw Car went right over him.

After the car had past, Earl leaped back up and blasted his ray gun again.

ZEEE-AAAAP!

Earl had blasted the hubcap and the rubber off of the left back wheel.

"YIKES!" Calvin yelled, as the car collapsed on one side and started throwing up sparks on the hard steel floor.

Earl ran after Calvin, who was slowing down, and blasted the ray gun, again.

ZAP!

The right front wheel then exploded outward, and that side collapsed.

SCREEEEEEE!

Having only two wheels left, one left front one and right back one, the car couldn't keep going.

Calvin totally lost control of the car as it swerved from side to side, then crashed into the wall.

CRASH!

The impact sent Calvin flying out of the seat, and landed in a chute.

The Claw Car was rendered useless at the moment, so Earl rushed past it, and leaped into the chute.

Only it wasn't a chute. It was a tunnel.

Earl went tumbling down the winding tunnel, and slowly, Calvin screams started getting louder.

Earl regained his balance, and began to lean forward and go faster.

Soon, Calvin's blonde head started to show, and Calvin's screaming was louder than ever.

Earl reached out his hands, and grabbed Calvin by the head.

"Gotchya!"

Suddenly, the tunnel came to a fork; Calvin and Earl were ripped apart as both went down a different tunnel.

"I don't gotchya," Earl muttered.

Calvin's tunnel quickly lead to air vent, and he collapsed into the small square tunnel.

Earl's tunnel lead to the laundry chute, and _he_ collapsed into a heap of uniforms and T-shirts saying "I love Zok".

Calvin blinked and started climbing through the air duct and looking for an exit.

Earl muttered and grumbled, and climbed out of the basket.

* * *

Later, Calvin was hiding out inside a crate. He was watching the aliens pass by. He figured he'd be safe there until help came. He hoped that Hobbes had seen he was gone, and was searching for him with Andy, Galaxoid and Nebular. If Sherman and Socrates were helping him, it would astound him. 

It was then that he saw into a room and saw a strange-looking device. He knew what it was because he had stolen it from one of Rupert's ship during their last adventure. It was a video camera, but it was from Zok, so it was more up-to-date. He also saw Retro was setting it up while Rupert stood in front of it.

"_What are they doing?_" he wondered quietly.

Earl suddenly arrived.

"I've teleported the transmitters that were required to Earth," he said.

Calvin was feeling the urge to reveal himself and attack him, but he thought better of it. As Spaceman Spiff, he had learned that it was important to learn about the enemy's plan before attacking.

"Good," said Rupert. "We should be getting a call from him any minute now."

Calvin arched an eyebrow. Who was 'him'?

Just then, the little phone on Rupert's belt rang.

"That must be him now," he said, pressing the button. Retro and Earl got in close. "Hello?" he asked.

"Rupert?" a voice said.

Calvin realized the voice sounded similar to his own, but a bit more gruff.

"I have received the transmitters you sent and hooked them all up. Your message will be transmitted to every television in world," the voice continued. "And as an added bonus, it'll be heard on some antique radio stations. Foreign countries who don't speak English shall have it translated for them."

"Good, good," said Rupert.

"And is that hamster's Earth Deteriorater set up properly?" asked Retro.

"It's all set for threatening."

"Excellent. And the camera is all set. We're ready to transmit."

"Okay. The minute you turn that camera on, all the televisions on this planet will turn on automatically, and the world will hear from you both."

"Well done, Evil Calvin," said Rupert. "You've been a good evil duplicate."

Calvin gasped.

"_Those fiends!_" he thought angrily. "_They sent an evil clone of myself down to Earth and probably tricked Sherman into giving him his Radio Transmitting Planet Killer! And they're going to blackmail Earth! What'll I do!_"

He decided to burst out and stop them.

But just as he'd leapt from the crate, Earl slammed the door shut and locked it.

Calvin wound up with a taste of metal in his mouth.

"Darn it," he muttered.

And inside, Retro pressed a red button, and then he scrambled in front to join the two aliens.

It was the broadcast that would change the world…

* * *

Mom and Dad were sitting in front of the TV, but it was turned off, and they were reading on the couch. 

Suddenly, there was a _CLICK_ and the television set turned on by itself.

Mom and Dad's heads shot up in surprise.

"Calvin, wherever you are, stop playing with the remote!" Dad shouted.

"Calvin's not here," said Mom. "I saw him run out the door earlier."

Just then, they saw three familiar faces appear on the screen.

It was Rupert, Earl and Retro.

"Hello, Earthlings," said Rupert slyly.

"Surprised to see us?" added Earl.

"You should be," said Retro.

Mom and Dad stared at the screen, stuttering incoherently.

"As you can see, we've taken over all your television stations, no matter what plan you have," said Rupert. "And it's all for a very good reason. Retro?"

Retro stepped forward. "Thanks, Rupert. As you know, I am Retro Griffin, creator of the Imaginator, and probably one of your worst nightmares. Upon meeting Rupert and Earl here, we decided to collaborate. On Earth, right now, our good friend has set up a special machine. His name is Evil Calvin, created by the Imaginator."

Mom and Dad gasped.

"Where's the real Calvin, you ask?" Earl said darkly. "Oh, he's somewhere on this ship. That dumb kid just keeps escaping. But when we _do_ catch him, I swear we shall be merciless. And now, back to you Retro."

"Thanks, Earl," said Retro. "Anyway, Evil Calvin managed to steal Sherman J. Hamster's Planet Deteriorater, and it is currently set up to destroy your planet." Retro rejoined with the others.

"In short," Rupert concluded. "We want you all to be our slaves, and unless you do our bidding, we'll completely kill you all with the machine. Earth will be no more, unless you start to bow down."

Dad snorted. "We'll never bow down to you three!" he shouted at the screen.

"And for those of you who think you can just ignore us," Earl added, "Evil Calvin is going to come next. Evil Calvin?"

There was static for a moment on the screen, and then Evil Calvin appeared. He was holding a remote control that had wires running from it.

"Thanks, Earl. See this, Earth?" he shouted. "This is the remote that will kill you all. You know how easy it would be to destroy you all right now?"

Mom and Dad gulped.

"It's as easy as one…"

He pressed the first button.

"…two…"

He pressed the second button.

"…three!"

Right when he was about to press the final button, Mom and Dad dropped to their knees and chanted, "ALL HAIL RUPERT AND RETRO!"

In fact, right at that moment, a huge amount of the planet started to chant. Of course, some chanted "ALL HAIL RETRO AND RUPERT!"

The shot on the camera changed back to Retro, Rupert and Earl.

"Very good," said Rupert.

"Yes, _very_ good," said Retro.

And they burst into a maniacal laughter.

Earl shrugged and joined in.


	12. Death Vulcan Grip

Evil Calvin watched with ghoulish delight as everyone started to chant Retro and Rupert's names.

"Phase three is complete," he said. "Now what's next? Let's see… Step One: Fool Hobbes. Step Two: Make Plan. Step Three: Scare Earth. What next…?"

He thought, and then his eyes lit up.

Evil Calvin grabbed a microphone and hooked it up to the camera. A broadcast was sent out.

"All right, as slaves to Retro and Rupert, you are all to do their bidding, and that shall be issued out through me," he said.

Everyone on Earth stood at their television or radio, waiting for orders.

Evil Calvin cackled evilly.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rupert and Retro had finished up their speech, and they were pretty sure that Earth was under their control by now.

That thought was confirmed when Evil Calvin called them up, and told them.

"Well," Rupert said, as Evil Calvin got off the phone. "What shall we rename Earth?"

"How about Retro and Rupertville?" asked Erne the alien.

Rupert and Retro stared at him.

"Get out of here," Retro said.

Erne muttered a grumble and left the room.

"What about Rupretroia?" Retro asked.

"Or maybe The Planet of Evil?" asked Rupert.

"Or perhaps The Planet of No Calvin?"

"That's a tempting name," Rupert said, grinning happily.

"We could make a law that nobody on the planet can be named Calvin!" Retro said.

"Or Hobbes," Rupert said.

Rupert and Retro were having a good time, laughing and exchanging all the terrible things they planned to do to Earth.

However neither of the villains looked at the radar screen, in the control room. If they had, they would've seen something coming towards them.

Sherman's spaceship was getting closer.

* * *

Outside the door, Calvin had been listening to the whole thing.

"How dare they!" he shouted. "Those fiends have taken over Earth without my permission! I shall put an end to all this!"

But before he could, he was lassoed by Biff, another alien.

"Hey, Lenny, I caught him!" Biff shouted.

"To the cells with you!" Lenny added.

"Darn it," Calvin muttered.

And he was dragged away.

Again.

* * *

The ship was flying through space, getting closer and closer to the target. Rupert's ship had moved a little in the past few hours, so it was taking a while.

"…forty-eight bottles of beer on the wall, forty-eight bottles of beer!" Socrates was singing. "You take one down and pass it around. Forty-seven bottles of beer on the wall. Forty-seven bottles of bee—"

"SHUT UP!" shouted Hobbes, Sherman and Andy.

"You know, if you were tired of the song, you should've said 'don't sing it' before I started," Socrates snorted.

"We did," said Andy.

"Oh. Well, I guess I just love annoying you guys."

"Okay, that does it!" shouted Sherman. "All in favor of throwing Socrates out into space by himself, say 'I'!"

"I," the three shouted.

"Well, it's unanimous."

They started to move towards Socrates when they suddenly heard a faint beeping noise.

"Now approaching Rupert's ship," said the computer.

"This is probably the first time a computer has said anything uplifting to me," Hobbes muttered.

"Wow, look at it!" cried Andy.

They saw that just ahead was a gigantic spacecraft just ahead. It was probably about the size of Mercury!

Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared at it.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Okay, let's find Galaxoid and Nebular," he said. "They're probably around here somewhere."

Hobbes piloted the ship around Rupert's ship. He kept an eye out for that familiar oval-shaped spaceship.

They eventually found it directly below.

Sherman pressed a few buttons and the radio came on.

"Galaxoid? Nebular?" Hobbes said into the microphone. "Are you two in there?"

"Hobbes?" Galaxoid's voice asked. "Is that you? Where are you?"

"Almost directly beside you," said Socrates.

Nebular looked out the window of the ship and saw Hobbes staring at him through the window.

"When he's right, he's right," Nebular commented.

"All right," said Galaxoid. "Now that you're here, we've found a safe way in. There aren't any security cameras on the bottom half of the ship, mainly because it's used as storage."

"Not very bright of him," commented Sherman.

"Indeed," agreed Nebular.

"Hang on," said Galaxoid. "We're going to connect our ship to Rupert's at the hatch. We'll sneak in first, and then help you all in next."

"But if you connect it, then someone will have to stay here and move the ship out of the way so _we_ can put it there," objected Socrates.

"And even if you did have a magic ship, how would you be able to help us in? You don't have any arms!" added Andy.

"Again with the arms!" Nebular shouted. "Sheesh! Did it ever occur to you that we're a little sensitive about that?"

"We are?" asked Galaxoid.

"Aren't we?"

"I don't believe _I _am."

"Well, _I_ am! I can't even hold up a feather!"

"What's a feather?"

"Coating for Earth birds."

"Where did you learn that?"

"Um, guys?" Hobbes asked.

Galaxoid and Nebular realized that the voice had not come from the radio, but rather behind them. They looked behind themselves and saw Hobbes, Sherman, Socrates and Andy emerging from a tube that connected with the ships' doors.

"Can we just get this over with and save Calvin?" Hobbes continued.

The two aliens looked at each other and then back at the group.

"Very well," said Galaxoid.

They returned to the controls and flew the ship upwards. The hatch on the ceiling locked into place with the door on the bottom of Rupert's ship, and then when they got an all-clear signal, Hobbes opened the hatch.

Hobbes slowly took in what he saw. He'd never seen this part of the ship before.

There were crates lined up alongside and all around him. They stretched to probably twenty feet tall!

"Wow…," he breathed.

"Go on!" Andy called. "I wanna see!"

Hobbes got out of the way so that Andy could enter.

"Cool!" Andy cried.

Socrates crawled in next, carrying Sherman, against his will I might add.

Galaxoid and Nebular scrambled up into the ship afterwards and closed the hatch.

"Well, where do you suppose Calvin is?" asked Nebular.

"I dunno," said Hobbes. "We're gonna have to search for him. But first, we're going to have to find the way out of the storage room."

"How're we going to do that?" demanded Socrates. "This place is _huge_!"

"I know the way out," said a voice.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular whirled around.

They saw Bob.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" shouted Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Bob, who was startled by the sudden outburst.

"It's Bob!" screeched Hobbes. "This is…is…is really weird. What am I screaming for? Bob's harmless."

Bob snorted indignantly. "I'm ignoring that," he said.

"Quick! Jump him!" said Socrates. "Harmless or not, he's a bad guy."

Socrates, Sherman, Andy, Galaxoid and Nebular scrambled forward and attacked Bob, taking him down.

"Hey, get off of me!" Bob shouted.

"We're not letting you kill Calvin!" Andy shouted.

"Yeah!" added Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular.

"_I_ might let you," said Socrates.

"SOCRATES!" everyone shouted.

"Sorry," Socrates muttered.

Hobbes stood over Bob's head. "Okay, fiend, where's Calvin?"

"How should I know?" Bob shouted. "After I helped him escape, he disappeared."

Hobbes stared at Bob in disbelief. "Wait, you _helped_ him? What did he do to you!"

"He threatened me, what else?"

"Sounds like Calvin," commented Galaxoid.

"But," Bob continued, "he helped me realize, in his own unique way, that working for Retro has made my life a living nightmare, and now I'm trying to find him so that I can get him to a Space Jet, and we can get out of here before Rupert and Earl blackmail Earth. Then we'd find you guys and defeat the Evil Calvin, and but as you're all already here…"

Hobbes looked Bob.

"Bob, I'm proud of you," he said. "Welcome to the Good Side. Don't expect free donuts, though." And he helped Bob up.


	13. Feats Don’t Fail Me Now

Back on Earth, Evil Calvin was currently living like a king. Despite not being leader, he was still able the get some benefits.

Right now, he was lying on his back in the living room of Calvin's house, and he was currently watching television.

He reached over and rang a little bell.

Mom, Dad, Susie and Moe ran inside.

"Yes, what do you want now?" Mom grunted.

"Fake Mom and Fake Dad," Evil Calvin ordered. "Go get me ice cream. Chocolate."

"Yes, fake son," Dad muttered.

"And make sure it's better than the stuff the ice cream vendor gave me three days ago. I still plan to sue him."

Mom and Dad walked towards the door.

"Boy, the real Calvin is bad enough, but _this _Calvin is something else," Dad whispered.

Unfortunately, Evil Calvin overheard.

"I HEARD THAT! JUST FOR THAT, WHEN YOU'VE RETURNED, I WANT YOU TO WATCH A POLKA MUSIC VIDEO!"

Mom and Dad groaned as they left for the supermarket.

Evil Calvin whipped around and glared at Susie and Moe.

They looked at him nervously.

"Marcie," he started.

"It's Susie," Susie snapped.

"I wasn't talking to you."

Moe growled. "It's _Moe_!"

"Yeah? Huh. Cut your hair. You look like a girl."

Susie had to hold Moe back from clobbering him.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Evil Calvin said teasingly. "Don't make me press this button."

He held up the remote that was connected to Sherman's machine.

Moe relented and backed off.

"Very good," Evil Calvin said, grinning evilly. "Now then, Mack—"

"Moe."

"Ginger. I want you to go and get five bottles of Pepsi. And make sure it's cold. Not hot. Cold. Cold, yes. Hot, no. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," Moe muttered. He made his way for the door.

"What did you want with me?" asked Susie.

"I just wanted to know a few things about the real Calvin," Evil Calvin said slyly. "What's he like?"

Susie looked disgusted. "Well, on the evil side of things, he could never amount to you."

"And…?"

"Well, he's constantly making up stories and junk, and bugging me, and throwing water balloons at me—"

"_There's_ an idea."

Evil Calvin immediately hurled a water balloon at Susie, knocking her off her feet.

Susie's rage button had been pushed and she immediately went in for the kill.

"Not so fast!" Evil Calvin said, holding up the remote.

Susie screeched to a halt.

"Man, you _are_ evil!" she grumbled.

"Why, thank you. Now back to work."

Susie stomped away, dripping wet.

Evil Calvin decided that while he waited for lunch, he would explore Calvin's room. He was disappointed to find that Hobbes had taken each invention. That tiger was smart. He'd taken it all: the time pauser, the MTM, the cardboard box, the wagon, the mini duplicator and the Transmogrifier gun.

"I wonder what the heck is going on up there," he muttered.

* * *

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular and Bob started to sneak out of the storage room. They saw that there was no sign of the alien crew anywhere.

"Where do you suppose they are?" wondered Nebular.

"Probably somewhere on the top floor," said Bob. "Knowing them, they've probably already taken control over Earth by now."

"Do you know what they plan to do?" asked Hobbes.

"Well, in the Earth category, they plan to have giant monuments and statues erected of themselves. Then at noon, there will be a siren that shall tell everyone it's time to say, "I Pledge Allegiance to Retro and Rupert". The main foods will be imported freshly from Zok. Plus, the entire planet is going to be upgraded."

"Humph, they could have just come to _me_ for upgrading," Sherman muttered.

"No thanks, Sherman," said Socrates sourly. "You've helped them out enough already."

Sherman looked away angrily.

"So how should we save Earth?" asked Andy.

"I suggest we get rid of Rupert, Retro and Earl," said Galaxoid. "If we can eliminate _them_, then there will be no threat, and Sherman can lock away his planet killer for good."

"Why did you invent it, anyway?" Bob asked Sherman.

"Oh, when you have spare parts lying around, you get the urge to experiment," said Sherman.

"Yeah, if you're from Loony Town," Socrates muttered.

"Come closer so that I may bite you."

Socrates backed away and rubbed his ear.

"Enough," said Hobbes. "Okay, before we left, I armed myself with several of Calvin's inventions, and despite being dangerous to mankind, they can help us out here."

He reached into an unknown area on his person and pulled out the hypercube. He reached in and pulled out several objects.

"This is the MTM," he said. "It can make you travel through time, but that won't help us here. Instead, it has a laser in it, as well as a hypercube of it's own."

He pulled out an unsharpened pencil.

"This is the Mini-Duplicator," he said. "I'm not sure if this is useful here, but just press the rubber end to make copies of everything."

Next, he pulled out a water pistol.

"This is the Transmogrifier Gun," he said. "It can change anything into whatever you think of. Use it wisely, though."

"Is there anything else?" asked Andy.

"Just a few other things for now. There's the cardboard box and the wagon, but I'll keep those handy for later."

Hobbes decided they should split up. Andy and Sherman would take one hall, armed with the Mini Duplicator. Hobbes and Socrates went another way, taking the hypercube. Galaxoid and Nebular went down a third hall, armed with the MTM. And Bob went down the last hall with the Transmogrifier Gun.

Each one was extremely tense.

* * *

Andy and Sherman snuck and crept around every single nook and cranny of the hall they'd been assigned.

"According to Hobbes, these aliens are complete and utter morons," said Andy. "So it shouldn't be too hard to beat one if they attack us."

"Should be no trouble," decided Sherman. "I just wish we had something better than a Mini Duplicator. What good would it do us?"

They peeked around a corner and carried on.

"Calvin?" Andy hissed.

"Calvin?" Sherman whispered.

"Come out; come out, wherever you are."

Suddenly, they heard voices further down the hall.

"Uh-oh!" cried Sherman. "We gotta disappear, and quick!"

It was too late for that, because they could already see the silhouettes of aliens approaching.

Andy and Sherman had never seen the aliens before, so they wound up panicking and turning around. Sherman clung to Andy's shoulder as they did.

Unfortunately, Andy tripped in the process, and they fell to the floor.

BOOM!

Andy and Sherman closed their eyes and prepared for the worst.

But the worst never came.

When they looked up, they saw five aliens were standing at the front of the hall, frozen in mid step.

"That's odd," Sherman commented.

Andy got to his feet and scratched his head in confusion.

"What just happened?" he pondered.

They slowly approached the aliens, but the aliens didn't react at all.

Andy put his hands in his pockets, and felt a small cylindrical object.

"Hey, I still have Calvin's time pauser!" he exclaimed. "I must have landed on it."

"Well, well. It would appear that your inability to remember anything has paid off," Sherman commented.

Andy glared at him.

"Just for that, you don't get the new hamster treats when we get home," he said sternly.

"Aw, come on!" Sherman squeaked. "I was just kidding."

Andy rolled his eyes. He was the only one who could ever reduce Sherman to the hamster he really was.

They scurried past the aliens, and once they had passed them all, Andy pressed the button on the time pauser again, and time resumed.

BOOM!

The aliens carried on, not suspecting a thing.

Andy and Sherman resumed searching.

* * *

Galaxoid and Nebular were searching down a bunch of corridors. There was no sign of Calvin, which was bad, and there were no signs of Retro, Rupert, Earl, or any other alien, which was good.

"There's no way we'll find the Earth Potentate around here," said Galaxoid. "This ship is _huge_!"

It was then that they came to a section that divided off into two different paths.

"Which way should we go?" asked Nebular.

"We'll go left first," said Galaxoid. "If it's not the right way, then we'll come back and go right."

Agreeing to this, the two of them started to venture down the left corridor.

"You know, it's strange," said Nebular.

"What is?" asked Galaxoid.

"The fact that nobody seems to know that Calvin is the Supreme Earth Potentate. Plus, the fact that a six-year-old boy is the leader of a planet is also a bit odd."

"And then there's the fact that he is constantly denying that he _is_ the Earth leader."

They paused for a brief moment.

"You don't suppose…?" Galaxoid started.

"…that he lied to us?" finished Nebular.

"That _does_ sound like something he would do."

They were so busy talking that didn't read the name on the door they were passing through.

It read CAFETERIA.

When Galaxoid and Nebular entered, they saw a rather torn up cafeteria, and it was currently being rebuilt after Calvin's rampage with the claw-car.

Earl was supervising the operation.

"Keep at it!" he shouted. "It's either that, or death row for all of you!"

Galaxoid and Nebular gulped.

"Do we go back?" Galaxoid asked.

"We go back," said Nebular.

But the door screeched when they opened it again.

The noise drew the attention of Earl.

He recognized the two aliens on the spot.

"IT'S GALAXOID AND NEBULAR!" he shouted angrily. "SEIZE THOSE TRAITORS!"

But the aliens didn't move.

Earl saw a bell on the wall, and he started to bang it really loud and really fast.

"LUNCH TIME!" the entire ship shouted.

Aliens started to run towards the cafeteria doors, stampeding towards Galaxoid and Nebular.

With Earl on one side and a band of idiot, yet strong, aliens on the other, they had nowhere to go.

"QUICK! THE MTM!" shouted Galaxoid.

Nebular whipped out the MTM and hit the button labeled _REWIND_.

Everything suddenly started to go backwards, and Nebular didn't release the button until he and Galaxoid were back at that fork in the hallway.

"Phew!" said Nebular. "That was close."

"What was close?" asked Galaxoid.

Nebular realized that Galaxoid had been rewound as well, so he simply said, "How about we go right?" he said.

"Very well."

So they went down the right (and I really mean right) hallway.

* * *

Hobbes and Socrates tiptoed down the hallway. Everything looked super-spooky, due to the fact that their hall had several rooms on either side, and each one had electricity crackling from behind it.

"This place is starting to scare me," Socrates whispered.

"This place started scaring _me_ the minute we got here," Hobbes replied.

Suddenly, they saw a strange shape looming just ahead. They inched closer. When they realized it wasn't an alien, they knew it was safe to approach.

"Wow!" exclaimed Hobbes. "It's Retro's Claw-Car! Looks like someone did some damage to it."

"Yes," said a familiar voice. "Your punk human friend did it."

Hobbes and Socrates froze. They slowly turned around and saw Retro. There he was, with all his Three Stooges haircut glory. Behind him was a band of aliens.

"Oh, it's Larry!" teased Socrates. "Which of those creatures behind you are Curly and Mo?"

"Ix-nay on the ease-tay," Hobbes hissed.

"And who is this?" Retro asked slyly.

"Huh? Oh, right. Retro, this is Socrates. Socrates, this is Retro. Now that we got that out of the way, maybe we should…"

Hobbes turned to face his feline comrade, but found that he had vanished.

"Hey, _I'm _supposed to be the one that vanishes and leaves the other hanging!" he shouted. "Now I know how Calvin feels when I do it to him."

It was then that Hobbes realized that the hypercube was gone as well.

"_That no good pranking idiot!_" Hobbes thought frantically. "_He left me without a defense! I can't pounce an _alien."

Suddenly, the Claw-Car turned on. Hobbes jumped away as the claw suddenly swung around and got Retro in its clutches!

"HEY!" Retro shouted. "Hey, let me go!"

"He says that like he actually expects us to do it," said Biff.

Hobbes looked into the claw-car (it was a convertible; no roof) and saw that Socrates was working the mechanical arm.

"Seriously, can we keep this?" he asked.

"Let's get out of here!" Hobbes shouted.

Hobbes and Socrates tore down the hall.

"After them!" Retro ordered.

The aliens, figuring that if they could get Retro off their case, scurried after the two tigers.

Socrates looked over his shoulder and saw them. He reached into the hypercube and pulled out a spray-can.

"What's that?" shouted Hobbes.

"Aerosol Cheese!" Socrates replied.

Hobbes quickly drew ahead as Socrates held the can over his head, the nozzle end facing the aliens. He pressed the applicator tip and cheddar-flavored aerosol flew everywhere.

The aliens slipped on the stuff and fell down, causing a fifty alien pileup in the middle of the hall.

"And it's also an excellent source of calcium!" Socrates shouted.

He and Hobbes exchanged a high five and hurried around the corner.

* * *

Bob, with the Transmogrifier Gun in his pocket, cautiously searched for Calvin. He was hoping he wouldn't see any aliens around him.

Unfortunately, fate can be cruel, because he rounded a corner and ran into Rupert.

"Ah, Bob, there you are," he said. "Where have you been?"

Bob grew extremely nervous right then and there.

"I was, er, in the storage room down below," he said.

"What on Earth for?"

"Um, well, Calvin stole Retro's Claw-Car, and he was tearing up the place, and Earl was already going after him, so I just hid down there until—"

"You're always hiding!" Rupert snarled. "Come on! Be a man! You need to show some courage once in a while."

"Well, that's hard to do when Retro and Calvin are the only ones here who are my actual species."

Rupert sighed. "Fine, fine. Just keep searching for the Earth Potentate."

"I intend to, sir."

Rupert slithered away.

Bob glared after him. "Oh, this isn't over, Chill," he hissed. "It's _FAR_…from ove-ah!"

* * *

Calvin was grumbling in the cell. There was no guard this time, so there was no one to fool. He kept hoping that Bob would come out of his hiding place and help him, but he had no way of knowing whether or not he had officially become good or not.

"_What I need is to get in contact with Hobbes_," he thought. "_The only way I can do that is to send a message through Socrates' brain, but how can I do that?_"

It was then that saw a transmitter in the corner of the room.

"_Wow, that was convenient,_" he thought. "_But how do I get to it?_"

Then he spotted an iron pole. It was probably at least seven feet long, he assumed. That was a good measurement.

He took the pole and went to the bars of the cell. He stretched his arm as far as he could. The pole caught onto the coil of the phone. He caught the pole in the loop, and then reeled it in.

Once he had a dial tone, he took the pole again, and this time proceeded to dial a number.

"Let's see…," he said. "What was it again…? Oh yeah! 9……8……4……6……2!"

There was a brief beeping noise.

* * *

Hobbes and Socrates were wandering around still, when suddenly, Socrates jumped up into the air, landed on his tail, spun around, closed his eyes and put his hands up.

Hobbes jumped in surprise.

"Incoming transmission from Cell #291," said Socrates in a high-tech voice. "Location of the call: Rupert's Space Ship."

"Hmm, not often we get a local call," Hobbes commented.

It was then a voice came on that he'd been wanting to hear for days.

"Hello!" shouted Calvin. "Hobbes? Socrates? Anyone?"

"CALVIN!" Hobbes nearly shouted. He looked around and saw he hadn't attracted anyone's attention.

"Hobbes!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Calvin, we've been looking everywhere for you!" Hobbes hissed. "We came all the way to Rupert's ship to look for you!"

"Oh! So you already know that I was replaced by an evil clone, and that Rupert, Retro, Earl and Bob are working together?"

"We know _everything_!"

"Who are we?"

"Me, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular. We're all on the ship looking for you. And we've got Bob on our side!"

"Good! I'm in a cell block on the top floor. Get up here fast."

"Don't worry, pal. We're on our way."

Calvin hung up.

Socrates' high-tech voice came back. "Resume normal functions in three, two, ATCHOO!"

Socrates wiped his nose and looked around. "I need to see a doctor about my fainting problem," he muttered.

"Quick!" said Hobbes. "I know where Calvin is! I, er, heard some aliens talking about him! He's in a cell on the top floor!"

"Then let's go get him!" said Socrates. "I've been waiting to prank him for days."

So they quickly rounded up Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular and Bob, and they hurried to the top floor.


	14. You've Got a Friend

Bob, Hobbes, Socrates, Galaxoid, Nebular, Andy, and Sherman ran up the stairs to the dungeons.

When they came to Calvin's cell, they, oops…alien.

That is, everybody screeched to a stop in front of the grinning stupid alien. His name was Dave.

"This area's restricted!" he said, trying to sound smart. "No admit…"

He stopped, and his eyes blanked out.

"No admit……admiter, admitty, admatter…uhh…"

"Admittance?" Hobbes asked.

Dave's face burst into grin.

"Yeah! That's it! No _adimty-once_ allowed!"

"Yeah, but," Galaxoid began, "Calvin's in there, we're not, and we're supposed to be saving the kid."

"NOBODY IS ALLOWED!" Dave yelled. "_I'm_ not even allowed in! If you can believe that!"

"Actually, I'm not having a hard time doing so," Socrates said.

"But if ya like," Dave said, "we can sit around here and play cards! Who likes Go Fish!"

There was a long throbbing moment of silence.

Everybody stared at Dave, the little simpleton.

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

Bob rolled his eyes. He wasn't scared of the aliens anymore, but he was sure as heck annoyed.

"You have got to be kidding me," Hobbes sighed.

Suddenly, Socrates' eyes burst open, and a grin spread across his face.

He grabbed the hypercube away from Hobbes, and started rooting through it.

He whipped out a……hmmm……a vacuum cleaner.

Dave stared.

"What's that?" he asked.

"A special bathing device," Socrates replied. "It's specially designed to suck the dirt off of you! Wanna play?"

Dave rolled his compound eyes around.

"Well, I'll need to think about…YES!"

Dave grabbed the vacuum and looked at the nozzle.

"How do you turn it on?" he asked, sticking the nozzle on his head.

"Like this."

Socrates stepped on the ON button, and with a loud _WHIR_, Dave was sucked up into the canister.

"Wow!" he screamed from inside. "That was TWICE as much fun as you said it would be."

"Well, I try," Socrates replied, and he walked away.

"ALRIGHT!" Hobbes said. "Good work, Socrates!"

"Yup," Socrates said. "I'm going to have to keep a list of all this stuff I'm going to have to try on Calvin."

With Dave taken care of, everyone burst into the cell room.

Well, let's say that Hobbes, Socrates, Bob, Galaxoid, Nebular and Andy burst in. It was impossible for Sherman to burst in. It was impossible for him to come in at all without Andy's hand.

Calvin glared at them.

"Well, it's about time! I've been waiting a full one minute! Who has that kind of time? Get me out of here!"

"Calvin! You're alive!" Socrates yelled, throwing his arms outward. "And you're as cheerful as ever!"

Hobbes walked over to the steel bars.

"Are there any keys?" he asked.

"Of course, you furball! If there weren't nobody could've locked me in!"

There was a moment of silence.

"So where's the key?" Socrates asked.

"What, did you expect Rupert to tell me?" Calvin screamed.

"Well, usually the prisoner knows where the key is!" Socrates spat.

"Oh, well excuse me for originality!" Calvin shot.

"Well if we can't get you out, we might as well just leave you there!" Socrates yelled.

"Are you enjoying your conversation?" Hobbes asked.

"Actually, yes we are," Calvin said.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and held up his claws.

He stuck his claw into the lock and moved it around for a few seconds. Then, there was a click, and the door opened.

Calvin walked out.

"Hobbes, this has been a running gag in our adventures for a while now," he said. "Would you just explain to the good people how you do that?"

"Fine, fine. See the edge this claw?"

Everyone looked at the claw Hobbes had used.

"Hey, there are little notches on the end," said Andy.

"Right, they act like a key," said Hobbes.

"Well, thanks for solving that mystery," said Sherman.

"OK," Calvin said, taking out a notepad. He licked his finger, and turned the page. "This is the twenty-seventh time I've escaped and caused Rupert and Retro to loose much patience, sanity, and mouth foam."

"What do we do now?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, I've been going to the space jets," Calvin said.

"Yeah, that's gotten you far," Socrates said, rolling his eyes.

At that very moment, and at the worst of times, Rupert, Earl, Retro, and the entire alien crew all came into the dungeon.

They stared at Hobbes, Socrates, Galaxoid, Nebular, Andy and Sherman. They stared at Calvin. They stared at Bob.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Well, this wasn't expected," Socrates said.

"Bob?" Retro asked calmly.

"Yes, sir?"

"Were you helping him escape?"

"Well, not as much as I could be," Bob said.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Uhhh…"

"**_ARE YOU HELPING THEM!_**" Rupert, Earl, and Retro screamed.

"Yes," Bob said timidly.

"How can you _do_ that!" Earl demanded. "You're supposed to be a villain _sidekick!_ And you're scared of a fly! Why, if Calvin had done as much as given you the slightest threat then you'd turn over to the nabby-paddy goody-goody side!"

Rupert, Earl, and Retro exchanged glances.

"Oh for crying out loud," muttered Retro. "I knew I should've chosen the big guy with the beard."

"YES, SIR!" Calvin announced suddenly. "Mr. Bob has turned to the side of justice and truth!"

"Cal-vin!" Hobbes muttered. "Shut u-u-u-u-p."

Calvin went on, as if he hadn't heard Hobbes. "And soon, you'll all join the side of righteous so forth!"

"Ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-alvin," Socrates whispered. "Shut it!"

"The side of tranquitery and all that other nonsense."

"_CALVIN!_" Hobbes hissed. "Shut up!"

"And furthermore, your mothers were all a bunch of ugly toads! So there!"

There was a long moment of silence.

All eyes stared at Calvin.

Calvin gave everyone a tough grin.

"So what do you have to say about that?"

"What are we going to do with him?" Retro asked, scratching his head. "He is driving me insane."

Retro, Earl, and Rupert glared down at Calvin with terrible anger.

Suddenly, a wide evil grin spread across Rupert's face.

"I have an idea," he said darkly.

"That doesn't sound promising," Hobbes said.

"What is it?" Retro asked.

"It's a custom on our planet that whenever a planet leader is captured, we gather together deadly space monsters and set them out to eat them."

"Of course, the janitors hate it," Earl said. "But we don't really care about that."

Calvin gave Rupert and Earl triumphant grins.

"DO YOUR WORST!" he screamed. "WE BEAT YOUR STUPID SPACE MONSTERS LAST TIME, AND WE CAN DO IT, AGAIN! SO HA!"

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Bob, Galaxoid, and Nebular all slapped their foreheads. This kid was going to get them all removed from the planet. Not in a good way.

Rupert gave Calvin a sweet smile.

"Oh, I plan on doing my worst, Calvin," he said. "This time, I will show you no mercy."

"He never really did in the first place," Zack the alien whispered.

"Shut up," Earl spat.

* * *

And so, they landed their spaceship on Zok and went over to The Torture Place on the other side of their town.

"Welcome to the Torture Place," a dull voiced alien muttered, staring at the people in front of him with bored eyes. "Today's special is _The Complete First and Second Seasons of The Backyardigans_ on VVV. Also see our new release in Space Monsters: the _Vacation Slider_. Guaranteed to show you the slides from his vacation over and over and over and over."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"We want to see the Space Monsters," Retro said.

"For best service, please take a number."

"What?" Retro demanded. "There's nobody else in this store!"

"Please take a number," the alien said.

Retro grumbled, and ripped a piece of paper off of the slide.

He stared at it.

"What is it?" Jay asked.

"5,849,596," Retro read.

"Number four?" the alien asked. "Calling number four. Last call for number four. Number five? Calling number five. Last call for number five. Number six?"

"This could take some time," Calvin said. "I wish I had brought my comic book."

Many hours went by.

Then, some time the next day, the alien finally called, "Number 5,849,596? Calling number 5,849,596."

Retro, Earl and Rupert's eyes popped open. Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Bob, Galaxoid and Nebular stopped playing cards. Earl's crew…well, didn't do much of anything, actually. They weren't paying attention.

"Last call for number 5,849,596," the alien said.

"We're 5,849,596!" Rupert screamed, rushing up to the desk.

"Welcome to the Torture Place," the alien said. "Here, you are Doctor Frankenstein, and I'm Igor."

"Looks like Igor, too," Calvin commented.

"How may I torture your buddies, here?" the alien asked.

"We're looking for Space Monsters," Rupert said. "Deadly ones! Ones that have a taste for humans, tigers, aliens without arms, and rats."

"HAMSTERS!" Sherman screamed.

"Please follow me to the Space Monster cages," the alien manager said, with no change in tone or expression.

He lead the aliens, Retro, Bob, Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman and so on into a long hallway with glass chambers on the walls.

"What can I interest you in today?" he asked.

Rupert handed Retro a list of names.

Retro stared at them, then read them down.

"We need some Spacers, Tornaduses, and Clawracks," he said, having no idea what any of these things were.

"Certainly," the alien said. "That'll be four sandlumbs, please."

Earl handed the manager a couple of yellow dollar bills.

"We will have your order ready in a moment. Please wait."

The alien walked off.

"We have to battle giant aliens for our freedom?" asked Andy.

"That sure as heck won't be a children's fable anytime soon," said Socrates.

Calvin turned to Zack the alien.

"What're Tornaduses?" he asked.

Zack stared at Calvin.

"I'll take weird creature for 500, please," he said finally.

Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

* * *

Soon, everyone, good and bad, stood in the middle of the arena.

"IN THIS CORNER," shouted the alien announcer, "PLAYING FOR PLANET EETHA…WE GIVE YOU HIPPS, THE SECOND-IN-COMAND POTENTATE! SOCKS, THE PRANK-KING! ANDREW, THE QUIET ONE! SHARON, THE GENIUS RAT! AND GALAXY AND NEPTUNE, THE LIMBLESS ALIEN PILOTS!"

Everyone looked over at Calvin and Hobbes.

"Don't bother correcting him," said Calvin. "He's either being funny, or he can't read."

"Yeah, and he has to yell everything too," said Hobbes.

"Hey, wait!" said Bob. "Why didn't he mention me and Calvin?"

"Oh, that's quite simple," said Rupert slyly.

Suddenly, several tentacles from the aliens shot out and grabbed Calvin and Bob.

"Hey!" shouted Calvin. "What gives!"

Calvin and Bob were immediately tossed into a cage.

"Let me outta here!" Calvin demanded. "I'm supposed to be out there where the action is! Not trapped in here with an adult crybaby."

"You're one to talk, Mr. Loudmouth," Bob retorted.

Rupert then noticed Hobbes was still holding Calvin's hypercube. He snatched it.

"I'll take that!"

"Hey!" shouted Hobbes.

"Sorry, but in this game, there is a rule: you can't use anything created by the Earth leader."

"I'M _NOT_ THE EARTH LEADER!" Calvin shouted.

Earl sighed. "You'd think he'd give up by now, huh?" he grinned at Retro.

Retro chuckled nervously, and decided not to pay attention.

Rupert turned around.

"Earl, keep an eye on this," he said. "Make sure no one but either you or Retro touches it."

"You bet, boss," said Earl, and he was about to hide when Retro noticed it.

"You know, I'm hungry, and I haven't had any Earth food in ages. Mind if I have see if he packed snacks in there?" he asked.

"Yeah, go ahead."

Earl gave Retro the hypercube, and Retro started to root around for something to eat.

Just then, Jack the alien came rushing over.

"Ooh! Ooh! When I was on Earth, I had something called a hot dog! See if there's any in there?" Jack shouted.

Retro stared at him, and then he began to start rooting the hypercube until he managed to find some hot dogs and hand them to Jack.

"Thank yew!" Jack said, and he took the food away.

Rupert ignored them.

* * *

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular all stood in the arena.

Socrates was holding a piece of paper.

"…and I'll leave my Atomic Soaker to you, Andy. May you soak everyone from up to fifteen feet away with fairness."

"Whatever," sighed Andy.

Hobbes spotted the Alien Janitor.

"Hey, Mr. Mop, what's up?" he asked.

"I hate this tradition," grunted the janitor. "Me and all the other janitors _hate_ cleaning up after those monsters. And they got the worst kinds."

"What did they get?" asked Hobbes. "Are they anything like the last monster we fought?"

Janitor took out a sheet of paper.

"Actually, you've got three different kinds of monsters on here," he said.

"Can I see that?" Hobbes asked.

"Go ahead. All I can do is watch helplessly as you and your pals are torn to pieces."

Hobbes gulped as he took the piece of paper.

"Okay, gang. This is what we're up against: Spacers, Tornaduses, and Clawracks."

"What do they do?" asked Andy.

"It doesn't say."

"_We_ know," said Nebular.

"Right," said Galaxoid. "Spacers are flying things that eat all the time. They would be able to suck anything into their mouths, and gobble it down."

"Tornaduses," added Nebular, "are things that if they twirl around, they can make tornados. And they could be able to do some kind of sonic scream to stun its prey."

"Clawracks would be creatures that can run EXTREMELY fast, and extend three inch long talons out of their fingers," finished Galaxoid.

"Do you know if they have any weaknesses?" asked Socrates.

"I'm afraid we don't," said Galaxoid. "We're on our own."

Suddenly, they heard a lot of loud stomping.

Everyone's eyes shifted towards the other end of the arena.

The Spacers had two legs, and gigantic round black bodies.

The Tornaduses had two very long legs, and their bodies were shaped like funnels. Their mouths were extremely large.

The Clawracks were the most frightening. They were brownish and had black eyes. They had giant feet that sprouted out from a basketball shaped body, and had long sharp claws.

"Whoa…," said Calvin.

"LET THE TOURNAMENT BEGIN!" shouted the announcer.

Hobbes glanced back up at Calvin.

"Friends to the end?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes grinned.

"You better believe it," he said proudly.


	15. The Best Song Ever

The ground started trembling.

Hobbes saw that the three sets of creatures were starting to charge.

"What do we do?" asked Sherman.

"Well, I have one idea," said Hobbes.

"What's that?" asked Nebular.

"Run around and scream like scared little babies."

"Sounds like a plan," said Andy.

They threw their hands in the air and started to scream, running around in circles.

Calvin and Bob groaned.

The alien janitor was near Retro and Earl, who were looking inside the hypercube.

Desperate to avoid a filthy mess to clean up, he pretended he was mopping, and the handle bumped into the back of Retro's head.

"Whoops," said the janitor. "Sorry."

But the force had been enough to knock the hypercube loose from Retro and Earl's grasps, and it fell to the ground, and several things began to tumble out.

The cube itself stayed on the platform they were on, but a few of Calvin's things fell to the ground in the arena.

"Oh-no!" screeched Retro.

"Catch those!" added Earl.

Rupert saw the objects fall too late.

Hobbes and the gang spotted them.

What had fallen were the wagon, an advanced alien gun from Zok, and a propeller.

Hobbes glanced over at Sherman, and a sly grin came across his face.

He grabbed the genius hamster.

"HEY!" Sherman squeaked.

"Quick, Vermin!" Hobbes shouted. "We need your genius now more than ever!"

"But I can't handle monsters!"

"You don't have to. Just use these three things to build us something we can use as a defense!"

Sherman saw the three objects on the ground. His mind worked at lightning speed.

"I'll see what I can do," he said.

Hobbes had the others gather in close.

"Okay, here's the plan!" he said. "Sherman's gonna combine all of those non-Calvin-inventions over there, but we need to give him time. That means all of us have to distract those three monsters ourselves! Got it?"

"Got it!" said Andy.

"For sure!" said Socrates.

"Affirmative," said Galaxoid.

"There's a plan?" asked Nebular.

"Break!" shouted Hobbes.

They all split up.

"Good luck, guys!" yelled Calvin.

The Spacers came first. Galaxoid and Nebular stood before them.

The Spacers opened their mouths wide, but before they could start sucking things into their mouths, the two little aliens sang.

"THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM PERU WHO DREAMED HE WAS EATING HIS SHOE! HE WOKE WITH A FRIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AND FOUND THAT HIS DREAM HAD COME TRUE!"

The Spacers stopped. They stared at Galaxoid and Nebular quizzically.

A spotlight suddenly shown on Andy, who took a piece of paper out of his pocket. He cleared his throat and read.

"THERE IS A PET STORE IN THE MALL, AND THERE, I HEARD A BIRDIE CALL. 'CHEEP! CHEEP!' IT CRIED. AND 'CHEEP' ONCE MORE! IT THEN ECHOED THROUGH THE STORE! IT SOUNDED NICE UNTIL I ASKED THAT BIRDIE'S PRICE! I WILL NOT GO BACK TO THAT MALL. THAT BIRDIE WAS NOT 'CHEEP' AT ALL!"

The Spacers found themselves giggling. Those were funny poems.

"They like funny!" said Hobbes. "That gives me an idea. If we get one of them to laugh so hard that it opens it's mouth real wide, it'll swallow all the others! Andy, do you know any more jokes?"

"I do a bit."

Andy stepped into the spotlight.

"HUMPTY DUMPTY SAT ON A WALL! HUMPTY DUMPTY HAD A GREAT FALL! ALL THE KING'S HORSES AND ALL THE KING'S MEN…HAD SCRAMBLED EGGS FOR BREAKFAST AGAIN!"

The Spacers laughed a little harder, but one seemed to think that was the funniest thing ever, because it seemed to open it's mouth wider than all the others.

"Keep it up!" shouted Hobbes.

Socrates slid forward.

"A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, 'But they are twins-if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.'"

The entire stadium burst out laughing.

But there was one Spacer that just couldn't control himself. His mouth opened wide from laughter, and he sucked up his fellow Spacers, who suddenly didn't feel like laughing. And now in stitches, the Spacer rolled back out of the stadium.

"EETHA HAS DEFEATED THE SPACERS!" shouted the announcer. "THAT JUST LEAVES THE TORNADUSES AND THE CLAWRACKS!"

By now, Sherman was able to shout, "FINISHED!"

Hobbes examined what Sherman had done.

"I attached the propeller to the middle of the wagon, and I ran some wires through the steering handle to steer like you normally would. The laser gun has been split open and equipped to fire atomic blasts on either side of the craft."

"Huh," said Hobbes. "Not bad, Vermin."

"IT'S SHERMAN!"

Hobbes hopped into the wagon, pressed a button, and the propeller turned on. The wagon took to the air.

Hobbes spotted the Tornaduses were currently in spin cycle. Socrates, Andy, Galaxoid and Nebular cowered in a corner of the stadium.

But Hobbes knew what to do. He threw the wagon into hyperdrive.

The wagon blasted toward the Tornaduses, which almost had the others. Hobbes spun the wagon around the monsters in the opposite direction of which they were spinning.

Rupert stared. "NO FAIR!" he shouted. "They're aren't allowed to use the Earth Potentate's inventions!"

"Actually," said Calvin. "I didn't invent that. _Sherman _did, so they're still within the legal limits."

"Gotta love loopholes," said Bob.

Rupert growled at Earl and Retro, who looked away nervously.

By spinning in the opposite direction of the Tornaduses, it caused the monsters to get confused, and they got very dizzy and collapsed.

"THAT'S TWO MONSTERS DOWN AND ONE TO GO!" shouted the announcer. "ALL THAT ARE LEFT ARE THE CLAWRACKS!"

Hobbes touched down on the ground.

"Good job on this thing, Vermin," said Hobbes. "I must say, it worked like a charm."

"It was nothing," chuckled Sherman modestly.

However, celebrations were cut short when out stomped the Clawracks.

"Uh-oh," said Galaxoid.

Hobbes suddenly didn't feel so confident.

"Any ideas, anyone?" asked Andy.

Hobbes glanced at the Clawracks.

The roundish creatures growled at him and extended their talons.

Hobbes spotted the announcer was sitting at desk, waiting for something to happen.

He also spotted a knob on the base.

Using his good vision, Hobbes read SINGING VOICE.

He hoped that it meant a voice from Earth.

Hobbes leaned over and whispered into Andy's ear.

Andy's eyes popped open.

"You really think so?" he asked.

"Couldn't hurt," Hobbes replied.

Andy reached into his pocket and pulled a CD.

It said _Karaoke CD Vol. 5: Gospel and Religious_.

Rupert, Earl, Retro, Calvin and Bob observed.

The Clawracks watched with great interest.

Hobbes inserted the CD into a sound system that connected with all the speakers in the stadium. Then he skipped around a couple of songs.

"What the heck is he doing?" demanded Rupert.

Earl turned pale.

"I think I know."

Hobbes approached the announcer.

"Could I borrow your microphone real fast?" he asked.

"You mean my voice amplification unit?" asked the announcer. "Sure."

Hobbes took the microphone.

Suddenly music started to play.

Earl's eyes bugged out.

Everyone in Earl's crew covered their heads.

Retro and Rupert glanced at each other.

"What's he up to?" demanded Retro.

Earl whispered into their ears.

Retro's eyes bugged out.

Rupert gasped.

"Uh-oh," they muttered.

The music wasn't hard rock, though.

It was a bit more soothing.

And Hobbes was ready.

"_Take a good look at yourself.  
You're probably singing along.  
Lying alone in your room,  
or crusin' down an empty road.  
Or maybe you're on your feet,  
in a crowd of strangers and friends.  
The spotlight's on someone else,  
But you feel like you're part of the show.  
What's the magic in the music?  
And why does it bring us together like this?  
We all have a longing inside.  
And it keeps us singing song after song after song._"

Calvin stared.

He had no idea that Hobbes could sing.

The voice was beautiful.

Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular and Bob were all gaping.

The Clawracks, however, seemed as though they were under a trance.

Hobbes started to walk around the stadium, stilling singing.

"_We're all waiting for the best song ever!  
It's somewhere out there, and everyone can feel it!  
We keep waiting for the best song ever!  
And when it arrives the whole world's gonna hear it!  
Yeah, the best song ever!  
Someday we'll all be singing it together._"

Rupert, Retro and Earl were watching with stunned looks as Hobbes started to dance a little.

The Clawracks were dancing behind him.

"_Where will the song come from?  
Who's gonna find the right words?  
Come up with a melody?  
That rings in every human soul.  
Well dig out your instruments.  
Make sure they're all in tune.  
'Cause nobody knows how long,  
but we still got some singing to do.  
'Cause there's magic in the music.  
Just look how it brings us together like this!  
We all have a longing inside,  
and it keeps us singin' song after song after song!_"

Somehow, Hobbes was now wearing a white tux and a top hat was on his furry head. And now a spotlight had shown on him and the monsters behind him.

As he danced the Broadway down the length of the stadium, the Clawracks all got into a row behind him and danced just like him.

"_We're all waiting for the best song ever  
It's somewhere out there, and everyone can feel it  
We keep waiting for the best song ever  
And when it arrives the whole world's gonna hear it!  
Yeah, the best song ever!  
Someday we'll all be singing it together._"

Now there was guitar / piano duet playing as Hobbes and the Clawracks danced around.

"Guess it's true what they say," said Sherman. "Music soothes the beast after all."

"_We're all waiting for the best song ever!  
It's somewhere out there, and everyone can feel it!  
We keep waiting for the best song ever!  
And when it arrives the whole world's gonna hear it!  
Yeah, the best song ever!  
Someday we'll all be singing it together._"

Now Hobbes stood on the claw-car and directed the Clawracks out of the stadium, where they danced in a hypnotic state out of the building.

"_Where will the song come from?  
Who's gonna find the right words?_"

Hobbes took a bow and tipped his hat.

"YAY!" cheered Calvin.

"WAHOO!" added Bob.

"TEAM EETHA WINS!" yelled the announcer.

"HOORAY!" cheered the alien janitor. "I don't have a mess to clean up!"

Socrates climbed into the cab with Hobbes.

"Impressive move there, buddy," he said. "Now let's free Calvin and Bob."

Socrates pressed a button, but it was the wrong button, and a net shot out, trapping them. They dangled from the tailpipe, embarrassed.

"We shall never speak of this again," whispered Socrates.

"Agreed," said Hobbes.

After cutting their way out, Hobbes pressed another button, and it extended the claw, and the cage was ripped open.

Calvin ran over towards Rupert, snatching away the hypercube.

"I believe this is mine!" he said.

He and Bob jumped into the arena.

But Rupert, Earl and Retro didn't look none too happy.

"That does it!" shouted Rupert. "WE MUST NOW DESTROY THEM ALL!"

"Right!" said Retro. "We're going to rip you fools apart. You'll rue the day you messed with us!"

"Well, in that case…," said Hobbes, "…we'll be catching the next flight out of here."

Hobbes quickly used the claw car to scoop up Calvin, Andy, Socrates, Bob, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular. He brought claw over towards him, and then climbed in. He reached over and pressed a button, and then they were all flung through the air!

"YAAAHOOOOOO!" cheered Calvin.

"LATER, VILLAINS!" added Hobbes.

They flew straight out of the arena.

"They're heading for the ships!" said Earl. "AFTER THEM!"


	16. Cut to the Chase

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular, and Bob (what a team), all landed outside the arena, and ran towards the two space ships on the planet's surface.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman boarded Sherman's ship, and Socrates, Bob, Galaxoid and Nebular boarded Galaxoid and Nebular's ship.

Calvin had asked, "How did that little hairball build something so big?"

Sherman's eyes bugged out of his head.

Retro, Rupert, Earl, the crew all burst out of the arena.

"There they are!" Rupert screamed, pointing at the ships. "Everyone! On our ship!"

"But……my hotdog," Jack the alien whimpered, looking down at the messy hotdog in his tentacles.

Rupert slapped Jack several times with his tentacle.

Jack sighed, and threw the hotdog on the black soil of the planet.

Then, everyone quickly boarded Rupert's UFO.

The crew quickly got to their stations.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro sat down at the very front of all the windows.

"You're dead, kid," Retro and Rupert both hissed, as the crew started the engines up.

"HURRY!" Calvin screamed. "START THE SHIP!"

"Shut up, already, punk!" Sherman spat. "It'll take Rupert a while to get his men set!"

"Gee whiz," Hobbes said. "That's the only point I've ever heard him make."

Sherman hopped onto several buttons, and started the ship.

Andy decided to turn on the radio, and the sound of trumpets came out of the speakers.

It was "Thunderbirds Are Go" by Busted.

"This is a good song," he commented.

The engine roared to life, and the ship started shaking.

Sherman hopped onto a button marked LIFT OFF, and the hyperdrive kicked in.

Fire spewed out it, and it started to rise into the air.

_Spring breaks come around and there's no heroes to be found._

Meanwhile, Galaxoid and Nebular were pushing several buttons on their control panel, and preparing for lift off.

_There's something major going down on Tracy Island (island)._

Socrates calmly fastened his seat belt, sat back in the seat and yawned.

Bob fumbled with his seatbelt, and clicked it into place.

"Hang on to something sturdy," Socrates said, lazily.

"What?"

"I said……"

Before the prankster could answer the rockets came on, and started humming.

_Weapons underground keeping our planet safe and sound._

ZOOM!

The ship didn't even pull its landing gear up. It just vanished!

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Bob screamed.

Meanwhile, Earl's crew was currently searching for the start button.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro waited impatiently.

_If someone evil's coming round, they should be frightened (frightened)._

"CAN YOU GO ANY SLOWER?" Earl screamed.

"I guess so, but I wouldn't think you'd want us to," Dave said.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

Earl swatted Dave out of the way, and scanned the control board.

He spotted the start button in the billionth of the time it would've taken for Dave to find it.

He slammed his fist into the button, and sat back down between Retro and Rupert.

_Cause now the boys are back in town. No strings to hold them down._

All the aliens started pressing buttons, and the UFO rose into the air.

"Contact air control," Earl ordered. "Tell them we have unauthorized ships leaving the planet's atmosphere."

"CAN DO, BOSS!" Tim the alien sang.

He bounced out of the room.

_Down!

* * *

_

_Don't be mad. Please stop the hating. Just be glad that they'll be waiting._

Meanwhile, the aliens in the air control were all gawking at the radar screen, watching ships go by.

Just then, a voice came out of the intercom.

"HEY! There's an author who's flying out of our planet with much fear!"

And with that, he left.

_Friends we have aren't ever changing._

The aliens all stared at the intercom.

"What did he say?" one of the aliens asked in a dull voice.

"I dunno. Let's send space mutants after it, whatever it is," another answered, in an equally dull voice. "Space mutants can solve anything."

And with that, he left the room.

_You know the lid's about to blow, when the Thunderbirds are go.

* * *

_

Meanwhile, the two ships Calvin and Hobbes were in were gaining speed and exiting Zok's atmosphere.

_Kids are learning fast. They know the t-birds kick some ass._

Calvin was standing in Sherman's spaceship, chuckling to himself.

"Heh. Let's see those two creeps catch up with us _now_!"

_Be sure that there's no coming last cause you're on their side (their side)._

"Yeah, but after we get back to Earth what do we do then?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"Uuuuh…"

_It always looks so cool when spaceships come out of the pool._

Before he could answer, there was a loud, HONK!

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Bob, Galaxoid and Nebular were all knocked off their feet.

Or in some cases, tentacles.

"What the heck was that?" Hobbes asked.

_You know that you'd just be a fool to be a bad guy (bad guy)._

"Well, we can be sure it wasn't a Shadowfax," Andy clicked. "They don't sound stupid like that."

_Cause now the boys are back in town. No strings to hold them down._

At that very moment, something huge crashed into Sherman's ship.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" everybody on board screamed as they hurled out of control towards Galaxoid and Nebular's ship.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Socrates, Bob, Galaxoid and Nebular screamed, as the other ship spiraled towards them.

_Down._

Galaxoid jerked the wheel to the left, and the ship maneuvered out of the way.

Sherman struggled to regain control of the ship.

Then, he spotted something coming towards them.

_Don't be mad. Please stop the hating. Just be glad that they'll be waiting._

"What the heck…?" the little hamster squeaked.

Calvin squinted his eyes the creature coming towards them.

"Is that a goose?" he asked.

"Well, this is story is starting to get weird," Hobbes commented.

The goose let out a trumpeting honk, and altered its course to Galaxoid and Nebular's ship.

"Well, the authors have added in giant mutant geese," Socrates said. "This should be an interesting scene."

_Friends we have aren't ever changing._

The goose honked, and took hold of Galaxoid and Nebular's ship, using its talon tipped feet.

"HEY!" Galaxoid screamed. "I can't work the controls!"

The goose turned around, and started flapping towards Rupert and Earl's ship, the ship in its feet.

"Well, that was easy," Rupert said.

_You know the lid's about to blow, when the Thunderbirds are go._

Galaxoid struggled with the controls.

The wheel came off.

"Whoopsies," Galaxoid grinned, sheepishly.

Uh oh.

Meanwhile, Sherman had finally regained control of the ship.

"Alright, rodent, move over!" Calvin said. "The other ship's in trouble."

"Ah, they can take care of themselves," Sherman scoffed. "Besides that's the ship Socrates was on."

"Good point," Calvin considered.

Hobbes shoved Calvin out of the way, swatted Sherman off the panel, and grabbed the controls.

VROOOM!

_Thunderbirds are go!_

The ship spun around and started heading towards Galaxoid and Nebular's ship.

Hobbes pushed a button marked LASERS and prepared to shoot Rupert and Earl out of the sky.

The goose started to hover over Rupert's ship.

Retro was in slight shock that a giant goose was hovering above him, but not so much that he couldn't cackle evilly, at the capture of four of his enemies.

Rupert pushed a button on the ship controls.

A hook extended from the top of the ship, and started to reach forward to the other ship.

"Oh no, you don't!" Hobbes yelled.

_Don't be mad. Please stop the hating. Just be glad that they'll be waiting._

He pushed the button that shot the lasers.

ZZZZZZZZZZAP!

Instantly, a red hot energy shot out of the ship, and cut the hook in half.

Rupert's eyes flashed.

"What!" he yelled.

He pushed Erne out of the way, and activated his lasers.

Rocket launchers and laser rays shot out of all sides of the ship.

Rupert hit a red button.

Rockets burst out of the ship, and lasers shot out of the rays.

Hobbes slammed his fist into the SHIELD button.

A red dome appeared around the ship, and all the weaponry bounced off.

_Friends we have aren't ever changing._

"Why did you install all this into your ship?" Calvin asked.

"I wanted to!" Sherman spat. "Is there something wrong with that?"

Rupert glared daggers at Sherman's ship.

"They think they're so darn smart," he growled.

He turned to the giant goose, and screamed out its orders.

"DESTROY THEM!"

Whoops.

_You know the lid's about to blow, when the Thunderbirds are go._

The goose made a snap for Sherman's ship.

But in the process, he let go of Galaxoid and Nebular's ship, setting them free.

Not so luckily, though, the goose now had its attention focused on Calvin and Hobbes.

"Not good," Hobbes said.

"HOOOOOOOONK!" the goose shrieked, before taking another savage bite at it.

_(Thunderbirds are) Thunderbirds are go!_

Hobbes spun the ship around, and roared away, Galaxoid and Nebular, the goose, and Rupert, Earl, and Retro right behind.

_(Thunderbirds are) Thunderbirds are go!_

Hobbes steered the ship over a huge lava ocean.

Calvin stared down at it.

"Wow, that lava isn't polluted," he said.

_(Thunderbirds are) Thunderbirds are go!_

Before anyone could answer, the goose raised its wing, and swatted Sherman's ship into the lava.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman screamed as they vanished under the lava.

_(Thunderbirds are) Thunderbirds are go!_

Then, the goose screeched to a stop, and delivered a savage punch to Galixoid and Nebular's ship, sending them careening into the ocean.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Socrates, Bob, Galixoid and Nebular screamed before following Calvin and Hobbes.

_Thunderbirds are… Thunderbirds are… Thunderbirds are go!_

Conveniently, both ships happened to be lava-proof, so none of them perished.

After the goose flew back to wherever it is giant geese come from, Rupert, Earl, and Retro dove into the lava ocean after the two ships.

It was around that time that Andy switched off the radio.


	17. Beneath, Between & Behind

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_**," Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular, and Bob all screamed.

Socrates didn't scream, because he knew that the ships were lava proof.

How? I have no idea.

Ask Socrates.

While Bob, Galaxoid and Nebular screamed their heads off in the ship he was in, Socrates flipped through an alien magazine to an article about the stupid earthlings. Socrates then spent the next few minutes _laughing_ his head off about how aliens were making fun of Earth.

Calvin was the first to open his eyes and look out at the red ocean surrounding him.

A wide grin spread across his face.

"Hey, Hobbes! LOOK!"

Hobbes' eyes popped open, and he stopped screaming.

He cut his eyes from side to side.

Sherman and Andy stopped screaming.

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"Well, I guess we won't have to worry about volcanoes again, will we?" he said.

Hobbes stared at the lunatic in front of him, trying to think of what to say to him.

He decided to say nothing.

Hobbes walked over to the radio, pushed the button, and tried to contact Galixoid and Nebular.

"GALAXOID! NEBULAR! ARE YOU ALRIGHT!"

For a second there was static, and then the voice of an alien came onto the radio.

"Yes, I'm alright. But my name's not Galaxoid, Nebular. It's Dave."

Hobbes blinked several times.

He had just made contact with Rupert's UFO by mistake.

"Uh," Hobbes said. "I think I have the wrong number. Can you direct me to Galaxoid and Nebular's ship?"

Over the radio, Dave said, "Oh sure! What are enemies for?"

Then, the voice of three frustrated villains rang out.

"YOU MORON!"

"DON'T RECONNECT THEM!"

"SOMEONE GRAB HIM!"

"YOU IDIOTS!"

There was a click, and Galaxoid's voice came on.

"Hello? Hello? Anyone there?"

"Galaxoid?"

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"_WE JUST PLUNGED INTO A GIANT LAVA OCEAN!_" Hobbes screamed.

"Oh, yeah. Almost forgot about that."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Andy and Sherman did too.

"Why?" Hobbes asked.

"We were paying so much attention to Socrates' lunatic laugh," Nebular said.

At this, Socrates burst out in insane laughter.

Hobbes' eyes squeezed shut.

"Listen," he said. "Rupert, Earl, and Retro are under the lava with us! I just got in contact with the ship by mistake! We have to come up with some kind of idea for getting out of here!"

"What are we going to do?" Bob asked.

Hobbes scratched his chin and thought.

"Alright, I have something," he said. "One of us can lure Rupert's UFO away into some dark area in the lava, and then we'll escape before they know what to do."

"Yeah," Socrates said, over the radio. "We might have to beat that giant ugly lava eel that's staring at us first."

There was the moment of silence, then the sound of horrified screaming came out over the radio.

Then, the radio went dead.

Calvin blinked.

"Well of all the bad luck!" he grumbled. "Socrates was on the ship, but Sherman wasn't."

Sherman glared at him.

Hobbes' eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

"GALAXOID! NEBULAR! BOB! SOCRATES! DOES ANYONE HEAR ME!"

"Yes, I hear you," said Dave from over the radio. "But my name's not Galixoidnebularbobsocrates."

Hobbes blinked.

He just made contact with Rupert's spaceship again.

Darn.

"Uh, I think I got the wrong number again. Could you redirect me to Galaxoid and Nebular's ship, again?"

"Sure!"

Suddenly, the sounds of screaming and yelling sounded over the radio, there was a loud shove and a thump, and the voice of Rupert and Retro came onto the radio.

"Listen, Bucko!" Rupert screamed at him. "First! Stop taking unfair advantages over a dunce!"

"SECOND!" Retro yelled. "You're not making any smart plans with those aliens!"

"THIRD!" Rupert hollered. "That lava eel is inescapable. They're electrified, and have huge jaws. That ship is probably already destroyed!"

Silence greeted these words.

"Hello?" Earl asked. "Anyone home!"

Hobbes turned the radio off.

Calvin blinked.

"Well, we can be sure that Galaxoid and Nebular are alright," he said.

"Why?" Hobbes asked.

"Because this movie is PG. Nobody dies."

"Ah."

"SCREEEEEECH!"

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, and Sherman's heads all shot up.

There was a huge pair of bloodshot eyes staring right into the windshield.

There was a moment of silence.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Calvin and Hobbes both made a dive for the steering wheel.

ZOOM!

The ship made a blast backwards, and it crashed into a very big spaceship containing aliens and one demented Three Stooges clone.

Hooks shot out of the ship and grabbed Sherman's ship.

"Gotchya now!" Rupert grinned.

Hobbes pushed the shield button.

The red dome appeared around the ship, and cut all the hooks in half.

ZOOOM!

The ship roared forward, again, and this time crashed into another spaceship.

"See?" Calvin said. "They're fine."

"Yep," Socrates grinned. "Thank goodness for electric proof UFOs."

Suddenly, a laser shot past Sherman's ship.

Ever see lasers being fired under lava?

Very weird.

"LET'S GET OUT OF THIS LAVA OCEAN!" Hobbes screamed.

Hobbes and Galaxoid both rammed their steering wheels forward, and blasted forward.

They zoomed past Rupert's ship, and began flying towards the surface.

SPLISH!

Lava went flying everywhere, as the two ships exploded out of the ocean, followed shortly by Rupert's UFO.

The three ships continued flying upward.

Suddenly, they hit the blood red Zokian clouds, and there was, all of a sudden, blasts of red clouds all around them.

"HEY!" Rupert screamed, as Galaxoid and Hobbes disappeared behind the clouds.

Shortly after that, the three ships were high above Zok. Now in space.

Rupert's ship was now out of sight.

And now, the two good ships were floating in front of a huge asteroid that was orbiting Zok.

"Hey!" Galixoid yelled. "That's one of Zok's moons! Creak!"

"Creak?" Socrates asked. "What a stupid name for a moon."

"Well, the other two are called Zing-a-Ling and Bomb," Nebular said.

"Now what are we going to do?" Calvin asked.

"Land on the moon," Hobbes said.

"Why?" Calvin asked.

"Because Rupert's space ship is coming," Hobbes said.

ZOOM!

ZOOM!

Both ships rocketed towards Creak.

Rupert's spaceship passed by Creak without noticing them.

The two ships landed on the black moon.

"Now what?"

Socrates leaped from his chair.

"I want to explore the moon! I want to explore the moon!" he yelled.

He leaped off of the spaceship and landed on the moon.

Black dust went everywhere as he landed.

"Huh," Socrates observed. "Soft…COUGH! COUGH!…soil here."

Soon after Socrates came out, Calvin, Hobbes, and everyone else came out of their ships.

"Now what do we do?" Calvin asked. "We can't hide from Retro and Rupert forever."

There was a moment of silence.

"I got nothing," Galaxoid said.

"Nope," said Nebular.

"Zilch," Sherman said.

"Nadda," said Andy.

"OK. _Now_ we're doomed," Hobbes said.

"Unless we miraculously come up with a plan in the next chapter," Calvin said.

"Let the planning begin," Socrates declared, crossing his arms.


	18. War

Calvin glanced at Hobbes. Hobbes glanced at Bob. Bob glanced at Andy. Andy glanced at Nebular. Nebular glanced at Sherman. Sherman glanced at Galaxoid. Galaxoid glanced at Socrates. Socrates glanced at Calvin.

"What do we do now, genius?" Socrates demanded.

Calvin thought for a moment.

"I'm not sure. Rupert, Retro and Earl are too powerful now. And plus, we still have Earth to worry about. Man oh man, what a to-do."

Hobbes sighed at Calvin's sad expression. He didn't like that his best friend was being pressured like this.

"You know…," he said.

Everyone looked at him.

"…_I_ might be able to come up with an idea."

Everyone continued to stare at him.

Sherman snorted insultingly at Hobbes, but Andy hushed him.

"You could?" asked Calvin. "Well don't let _us_ stop you! Think away!"

Hobbes did so. He thought over this entire adventure. He thought all the way past where they'd caught up with Rupert and Retro. He thought past Galaxoid and Nebular telling him of Calvin's disappearance. He made it all the way to the part where he and Calvin had decided to use the Time Pauser to make their summer longer.

Wait! That one seemed interesting.

Hobbes mentally replayed that scene in his head.

_Calvin got a devious look on his face, but before he pushed the button, Hobbes placed his tail on Calvin's head, and they both felt time stop._

_BOOM!_

"_Nice touch," commented Hobbes._

"_You always have to ruin everything," Calvin muttered._

"_Hey, just out of curiosity, what happens when you touch the button again, but I'm not touching you? Do I stay here in the point where time doesn't exist?"_

"_I'd guess so, but we're wasting precious non-moving time. Let's go."_

Hobbes thought about those lines again and again.

"…_what happens when you touch the button again, but I'm not touching you? Do I stay here in the point where time doesn't exist?"_

Hobbes' eyes grew wide with excitement.

A grin spread across his face.

Bob looked at him.

"Do you have an idea?" he asked eagerly.

"I'm getting one."

"Well hurry up!" said Sherman.

"Yeah, they're probably somewhere around here," added Nebular.

Hobbes held up a paw to silence everyone.

They all looked at him anxiously.

"I've…GOT IT!" he shouted.

"What? What!" demanded Calvin.

"The Time Pauser!"

Everyone stared at him.

Calvin sighed.

"Hobbes, while I admit the Time Pauser would be good for escaping, it might be best if we vanquished Rupert, Retro and Earl once and for all, and the Time Pauser won't do that."

"Or can it?" Hobbes said eagerly.

Calvin glanced at everyone else.

Andy and Sherman shrugged.

Bob and Socrates scratched their heads.

Galaxoid and Nebular exchanged glances.

Calvin looked back at Hobbes.

"This had better be good, Hobbes," he said.

"Well, remember when I asked you what would happen if you and I paused time and then if you were to unpause time without me touching you? What would happen to me?"

"Eh…"

Calvin thought for a moment.

"Well, I guess you'd be trapped in the dimension where time doesn't exist," he said at last.

There was a pause.

"Give him a minute," said Hobbes.

The gears were spinning like mad in Calvin's mind as he frantically tried to figure out Hobbes' plan.

Finally the little Calvin's in his mind put the pieces of the puzzle together.

"Oh… Oh! _OH!_" Calvin finally said. "That's brilliant, Hobbes! Genius! If we can get Retro, Earl and Rupert into paused time, then we can leave them there!"

"Right," said Hobbes. "But we're all going to have to be in paused time to keep things safe."

"What for?" asked Socrates.

"Because if we unpause time too soon, then there's a chance they could get us. For example, if we're still on the ground, then they could just grab us and kill us while we're frozen. And we'd have to be out of shooting range for the planet we leave them on so that they can't shoot the ships down. That means we'll have to get both of your ships into paused time as well," said Hobbes.

"Hobbes," said Bob. "That is a looooonnng plan."

"I know. But we'll have to do it if we want to get rid of those guys. All we need is the Time Pauser."

"Oh, I've got it," said Andy. He reached into his pocket.

Then his expression to confusion.

"At least I _thought_ I did."

Sherman crawled into Andy's pockets.

"Strange," he said. "He had it earlier. He used it to sneak us past some aliens."

"Did you put it back into your pocket?" asked Calvin.

"Yeah, I distinctly remember it."

"Maybe he dropped it?" suggested Galaxoid. "Maybe it was during the battle on Zok."

"But what could have happened to it?" wondered Socrates.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise.

BOOM!

Everyone whirled around as they saw Rupert, Retro, and Earl standing there, each looking diabolical.

"Looking for this?" sneered Retro. He held up the Time Pauser.

"Hey, that's mine, ya poofy-haired freak!" shouted Calvin.

Even Rupert and Earl thought that was amusing, and they chuckled while Retro glared at Calvin.

"Where's the rest of your crew?" asked Sherman.

"They're still on the ship," said Earl. "We decided it was too risky for them, so they're staying on the moon called Bomb."

"Smart," muttered Andy.

"Think you can defeat us, do you?" Retro growled. "Well, I'll teach you!"

Retro made a grab for Calvin, but he missed.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular and Bob ran for the two ships.

This time, Sherman, Socrates and Nebular boarded Sherman's ship, and Galaxoid, Andy and Bob boarded Galaxoid and Nebular's ship.

Only Calvin and Hobbes couldn't get into the ships in time because at that moment, Earl appeared out of nowhere, holding the Time Pauser and a giant net.

Calvin and Hobbes were immediately tangled in the net and dangling from the ship, ready to be blasted.

"HELP!" shouted Calvin.

"GET US DOWN, YOU IDIOTS!" Hobbes added.

Andy, Galaxoid, Bob, Socrates, Nebular and Sherman looked out the windows and saw what was about to happen.

"Okay, here's the plan!" shouted Sherman. "Socrates, you take down Retro! Andy and Bob, you take on Rupert and Earl. Galaxoid and Nebular, get the Time Pauser! I'll try and free Calvin and Hobbes."

Everyone scrambled to their positions.

Andy jumped Earl and took him out just as the blast was fired from the ray gun.

The blast shot past Calvin's head.

"Help. Cry for help," muttered Hobbes.

Andy karate kicked Earl, knocking him to the ground.

"Oof!" Earl shouted. "How're you doing that!"

"Black belt; third degree!" shouted Andy. "Chopkicky!"

And he punched Earl square in the spot where his nose should've been.

Earl's gun slid out of his tentacles, as well as the Time Pauser.

Galaxoid and Nebular reached for it, but they couldn't get it.

Instead, Retro caught it.

"Ha, _HA!_" Retro cackled.

Galaxoid and Nebular stepped aside.

Suddenly, there was a loud roar, and then Socrates landed on Retro!

"Take this, Larry!" he growled. "I'll teach you to attack my favorite suckers!"

"Yeah!" shouted Hobbes.

Then he realized what had just been said.

"Hey!"

Socrates ripped at Retro's lab coat and scratched his face. He bit his black shoes. He kicked his butt.

Retro finally shoved the red-tailed tiger off and stood up.

His sideburns were bent.

"Why I oughta—!"

But Socrates kicked him right in the back, and that caused the Time Pauser to come loose.

Galaxoid and Nebular ran after it again, but missed and slammed into Rupert Chill.

And the alien king held the Time Pauser in his grasp.

Meanwhile, Sherman was scurrying along the top of his ship, and he hurried over to the net.

"Hang on, boys!" he shouted. "I'll get ya out of there!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

"Are you being nice to us?" asked Hobbes.

"Earth is at stake, Stripes. I can't help it," Sherman said simply.

And with that, Sherman proceeded in trying to chew through the ropes with his sharp teeth.

But Rupert was in a mood to fight.

And Bob stood to the right of him, trying to be brave.

"You betrayed us all, Bob," Rupert growled. "Don't think that I'll go easy on you."

Bob gulped nervously and tried to hold up his fists.

"Any chance I could get some help over here?" he shouted.

But Andy and Socrates were still beating up Earl and Retro.

And Galaxoid and Nebular would've helped, but they weren't very good fighters without arms.

So Bob was on his own.

Huh boy.

"Come on, wimp! Make your move!" Rupert roared.

Galaxoid and Nebular were standing nearby, waiting to take the Time Pauser.

"Let's hope Bob's stronger than he looks," whispered Galaxoid.

In a desperate attempt to fight, Bob stomped down hard on of Rupert's tentacles.

"YEOWCH!" he shouted.

His tentacles holding the Time Pauser flailed, and it was hurled on top of Sherman's ship.

Galaxoid and Nebular ran after it.

Rupert glared at Bob, and then he flailed after it.

Bob ran after him.

Retro and Earl managed to follow, and Andy and Socrates managed to follow them.

Sherman was ignored as he was still chewing through the net.

"Hurry up!" Calvin shouted.

Galaxoid and Nebular climbed on top of the ship.

Rupert, Retro and Earl followed.

And Bob, Socrates and Andy followed them.

Nebular grabbed the Time Pauser.

And with everyone touching the ship he was touching, and with his own ship touching the other, Nebular pushed the button.

BOOM!

Time was paused.

And just at that moment, Sherman finished chewing through the net.

Calvin and Hobbes tumbled to the ground.

"Thanks, Ver—," Hobbes quickly corrected himself, "—I mean, Sherman."

"No prob," Sherman chuckled.

"Okay, part one is complete," said Calvin. "Now we just have to get off of this moon and leave those three here somehow."


	19. One Little Victory

Rupert, Earl, and Retro looked around.

Then they realized that time had been stopped.

Earl made a dive for Nebular and the Time Pauser.

"YEEEK!" Nebular screamed, diving from the way.

He tossed the Time Pauser through the air.

It twirled around in the air for a second, and then landed in the soil of the planet, sending black dust everywhere.

There was a moment of silence.

Then, everyone made a dive for the Pauser at the same time.

Dust went everywhere as the three villains and eight heroes fought over the…

It was then that everyone realized what they were fighting over.

You thought it was the Time Pauser, right?

No.

Do you know what they were punching, kicking, and slamming into each other for?

A rock.

A stupid, lousy, completely unimportant to this story rock.

There was an awkward moment of silence, as everyone stared at the rock that Calvin was trying to use to start time back up.

Huh boy.

Then, all eyes fell on the yellow device that sat two feet away from where they were now.

I will say no more on the subject of rocks.

Calvin was the first to stop gawking at the Time Pauser like one of Earl's crew, and made a mad dive for it.

He grabbed it off the ground, and ran off with it, laughing like a lunatic.

"STOP HIM!" Rupert screamed.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro ran off after Calvin.

Hobbes ran off next with Socrates.

Followed shortly by Galaxoid, Nebular, Bob, Andy and Sherman in that order.

Rupert and Earl fired their ray guns at Calvin, as he continued to run.

Calvin and Hobbes made a dive for Sherman's spaceship.

They made it.

Calvin looked around, fanatically, and then slammed his fist into the shield button.

_ZZZZZZT!_

A red dome appeared around Sherman's spaceship.

Rupert, Earl and Retro ran up to it and began shooting at it wildly with their ray guns.

The blasts bounced off the dome and landed in the ground blasting it up.

Calvin put the Time Pauser on the desk and tried to catch his breath.

"OK," he panted. "We have Retro, Rupert and Earl in time stop. Now what?"

"Well, we better get Bob, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular in the ship before Rupert or Retro blows them up," Hobbes said.

"Right," Calvin muttered.

He ran to the laser controls, and began firing at Rupert, Retro and Earl.

"AAAA!" the three villains screamed leaping from the way, as red blasts sent the ground exploding outward.

"Uh, _how_ is that going to get them in here?" Hobbes asked.

"It won't," Calvin said. "I just wanted to use the lasers."

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Calvin turned back to the controls, and raised the ship into the air.

Then, Calvin realized that the ship didn't have one of those "beam us up" things.

As you can imagine, he was outraged.

"THAT DUMB HAMSTER BUILT IN A SHIELD, LASERS, AND HIGH TECH LAVA PROOF METAL, _BUT HE CAN'T PUT IN A STUPID BEAMER!_"

Hobbes sighed.

Meanwhile, Bob, Galaxoid, Nebular and so on all hid in several different places.

And, the shield in the ship wore off.

It went off, in other words, and Rupert spotted the weakened dome.

_ZZZZZAP!_

"YAAAAAAAAAAH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed as the ship went spiraling for the ground.

A warning light went off, and started blinking, and the word WARNING flashed across the screen.

_**CRASH!**_

Black dust went flying everywhere.

"YES!" Rupert screamed, as he, Earl, and Retro ran over to the ship.

Calvin and Hobbes grabbed the Time Pauser and rushed out of the control room, as Rupert burst in.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," Rupert growled, dangerously, holding up his ray gun.

Calvin and Hobbes rushed down the darkened hallways as lights flickered on and off, and they moved closer to the emergency exit.

As they rounded a corner, one of the doors in the hallway exploded outward, and Earl slithered into the control room, cutting his glowing compound eyes to side to side.

Calvin and Hobbes finally reached the Emergency Exit.

Calvin pulled and tugged at the door.

It was stuck.

"Where _arrrrrrrrre_ you?" Retro's voice asked, and a long shadow with goofy sticks for sideburns loomed over the hallway and started for the door.

Calvin pulled and tugged desperately at the door, but it wouldn't budge.

Then, Hobbes held up the Hypercube, which he had been holding in his hand for fifteen minutes.

Seconds passed as Calvin's eyes went from Hobbes to the Hypercube then back to Hobbes.

"You're amazing," Calvin spat, grabbing the box away from him.

Calvin stuck his hand into it, and then pulled out the MTM.

He activated the laser, and blasted a hole into the exit just as Retro rounded the corner.

"AH HA!" Retro screamed.

"Not in the mood, Larry!" Calvin screamed, spinning around and aiming the MTM at him.

Electricity started to gather at the MTM's tip.

Retro's eyes popped open, and he exclaimed, "_HUH!_"

_**BOOOM!**_

Retro went flying backward and slammed into the wall.

Calvin quickly deactivated the laser, and he and Hobbes rushed out the exit.

Rupert came running up to Retro and stared at him.

Retro's goofy, Three Stooges haircut was now sticking straight up in the air, and had little sparks of electricity flying off it.

Rupert made some weird sound through his nose, and slapped a hand on his mouth.

Retro glared at him and pushed his hair back into its usual style.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes had run out the ship, and were now looking for Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Bob, Galaxoid and Nebular.

They found them hiding in a cave.

"Alright!" Calvin yelled. "Hurry! Let's restart time, and trap them!"

Without another word, everyone gathered around Calvin, and Calvin picked up the Time Pauser.

Calvin's thumb was inches from the red button when……

_**ZZAAAAAAP!**_

"AAAAA!" Calvin screamed, as a blast of red energy blasted the Time Pauser out of his hand, and it landed several feet away.

Calvin, Hobbes, and everyone else spun around.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro were moving for Calvin and Hobbes in a long trot, deep glares covered their faces.

Everyone stared, petrified at the approaching villains.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro all walked up in front of the heroes and stopped.

Rupert held up his ray gun.

"All right, Earth Potentate," Rupert growled. "We are _done_ fooling around. Goodbye. _Forever!_"

Calvin glared at Rupert.

"For the final time! **_I……AM…NOT…THE…EARTH…POTENTATE!_**"

Everyone stared at him.

Retro rolled his eyes around.

Rupert stared at Calvin.

"Really?" he asked. "If you're not the Earth Potentate, then how come we've been spending months trying to destroy you?"

Calvin blinked.

"Ya know, I had been wondering that, too," he said. "And I just came to the conclusion that you're just a bunch of weirdoes."

Rupert's eyes narrowed.

He and Earl cocked their ray guns.

"We still don't believe you," Rupert growled. "Unless you come up with some kind of miraculous proof in the next five seconds, _you're dust!_"

There was a moment of silence.

"Nope," Calvin said finally. "Can't think of anything."

"In that case……"

Rupert held up his ray gun.

"Goodbye."

This whole time, Galaxoid had been flipping through a Planet Field Guide he conveniently had, and finally came to the page he was looking for.

He tossed the book in Rupert's direction.

Before Rupert fired, the book landed in his face.

"OOF!" he screamed.

He grabbed the book, and prepared to rip it apart, when his eyes caught the page it was on.

He lifted the book up.

His compound eyes scanned the page.

"Earl. Come here," Rupert said, calmly.

Earl slithered past the sweating Retro and up to Rupert.

Both aliens read the page.

**Earth**

_Oh hi there. Earth is a planet. It has one moon. It's also seventy percent water. Or maybe it was eighty percent. I forgot. It has a population of five point eight billion. It's most popular restaurant is _McDonald's Hamburgers_, it's the most obsolete and stupidest planet of them all, and…get ready for the shocker here: Earth is the only planet in the entire universe without a dictator / king / potentate. Pretty weird, huh?_

There was a long, throbbing moment of silence.

Rupert's eyes went from Calvin to the book then back to Calvin.

Earl's eyes blanked out.

Retro covered his head.

Calvin crossed his arms and grinned smugly.

"He's not the… But we had… He had… You mean to tell me that we wasted all our time trying to destroy _you_ when Earth was already unprotected!" Earl stammered.

Calvin nodded.

There was another moment of silence.

"Well…," said Bob. "This is awkward, huh? Oh, yeah… _Reeeaall_ awkward."

"I knew we shouldn't have trusted those dunderheads," Rupert growled, glaring at Galaxoid and Nebular.

Then, Rupert and Earl's eyes shot at Retro like bullets.

"You told us nothing about Calvin not being the Earth King," Rupert hissed.

Retro's eyes went from one angry alien face to the other.

"You wanted me to tell you?" he asked nervously.

Two sets of compound eyes stared at the mad scientist.

"Well, if we had a stupid idea that Calvin was the Earth Potentate, maybe you could have kept us from making idiots of ourselves!" Earl yelled.

Retro blinked.

"Uh…"

Bob sighed. He was _really_ glad he'd gone to the good side when he did.

Rupert spun back to Calvin.

"And as for _you!_ Why didn't you tell us we were chasing you for no reason?"

"I did."

"Why didn't you tell us we weren't listening to you?"

"I did."

Rupert blinked.

"You're all idiots," he concluded. "We're getting rid of you, once and for all!"

Earl pointed his ray gun at Retro, and Rupert pointed his Ray gun at Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Bob, Galaxoid and Nebular.

Then, Socrates grabbed the Time Pauser and flung it at Calvin.

Calvin caught it, then, with a grin on his face, he prepared to hit the button.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro froze.

"What are you doing with that?" Rupert asked calmly.

"I'm trapping you in Time Stop," Calvin grinned. "After I hit this button, we'll never hear from you again!"

Rupert, Earl, and Retro all stared at Calvin.

Then, Rupert started laughing.

"You actually think that's going to work! When you pop back into your little time stop world, we'll destroy you!"

"Wrong again!" Calvin laughed. "For you see, we are all trapped in a specific spot in time. And I'm not just talking about milliseconds. I'm talking about something much shorter! Once I hit this button, time will begin up again, and you will be frozen in this spot in time. When I hit the button again, you won't be there, because it's a different spot in time!"

Calvin then wiped some sweat from his brow and sighed.

"Wow. That was a long speech."

Rupert, Earl, and Retro continued to stare at Calvin.

Then Rupert whipped his Ray gun out and fired it before Calvin could react.

_ZAAAP!_

"AAAAAAA!" everyone screamed.

They all grabbed onto Calvin.

Calvin held the Time Pauser up, and hit the button.

_**BOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

A white shockwave exploded from the group of heroes, and went out in all directions.

The blast of hot energy that was flying for Calvin halted in midair, inches from Calvin's nose.

Then, the blast seemed to implode.

Dust and wind started blowing everywhere.

Rupert, Earl, and Retro's eyes were all locked in a look of shock and anger.

Then, they faded away and time started back up.

Earl vanished. Retro vanished. Rupert made one last attempt to grab Calvin. Then he vanished.

An eerie silence filled Creak's atmosphere.

They were all gone.

Rupert Chill was gone.

Retro Griffin was gone.

Earl…uh…Earl was gone.

And this time, it was forever.

Calvin blinked.

"Wow," he said. "That was even more dramatic than the lava scene."

Sherman hopped out of the cave, and looked around.

"HEY!" he screamed. "YOU LEFT MY SPACESHIP IN TIME STOP!"

Calvin walked out and looked around.

"Well, I had wrecked it anyway," he said.

"Hey look!" Galaxoid said, as he and the rest came out. "Rupert's spaceship is still here! It didn't go into Time Stop like the other ships!"

"Hot dog!" Socrates yelled. "I hope they have more idiotically written Field Guides!"

And with that, he rushed onto the ship.

Calvin, Hobbes, and the rest followed.

"Didn't Rupert say that he had left Earl's crew on Zok's moon, Bomb?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes, he did," Calvin said. "And that gives me an idea."

Quickly, Calvin rushed over to the communication system, and pushed the button.

"Calling Earl's crew! Calling Earl's crew! Come in, dumbbells!"

Then, the voice of Lace the alien came on.

"Oh, hi there!" he said.

"This is Earl, your ship captain! Not Calvin! EARL!"

"Neato," Lace said.

Calvin put a hand behind his head, and he leaned back in Earl's chair.

"I've been considering my life, and I've decided to take up a new occupation!"

"Really?" Lace said. "What is it?"

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"Uh……professional……golfing."

There was a moment of silence.

Then, Lace said, "Oh! You finally decided to take my advice!"

Calvin sighed.

"Yes," he said.

"Huh," Lace said. "Usually you shove me in the air vent whenever I mention it."

"Right," Calvin muttered. "Now, tell the rest of the crew to start new lives without me. Or Rupert."

"What about that guy with the white sticks coming out of his head?"

"He's taken up golfing too," Calvin said, starting to get impatient.

"WHOO HOO!" screamed Lace and several other aliens who were listening in.

"Now listen up, you little dummies!" Calvin yelled. "I want you to go back to Zok right _now_, go straight to the Want Ads in your newspapers, and register for jobs from anyone who's stupid enough to hire you!"

"Oh boy!" Lace yelled excitedly. "I can't wait to get started! Can I be a plumber?"

"BE WHATEVER YOU WANT!" Calvin finally screamed. "JUST GET OUT OF MY HAIR!"

"You don't have hair."

Calvin hung up.

"That was smooth," Hobbes said.

Calvin ignored him.

"Why didn't you just have them destroyed?" asked Andy.

"Andrew, my dear boy," said Calvin. "Dave, Erne, Alex, Carl, Jack, Alfred, Luke, Lace, Biff, Lenny, Jay, Zack and Tim are just like our good friend Bob here."

Everyone glanced at Bob, who was looking confused.

Calvin explained. "They were all good guys in truth, but they were just working with the wrong crowd. And I believe that Planet Zok will be better off without a king anyway."

"True, true," agreed Hobbes.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Alright," Calvin said. "We have disposed of Retro, Rupert, and Earl for good, and we've taken care of Earl's crew. Do you know what we need to do now?"

Everyone stared at him.

"No," Socrates said.

Calvin sighed.

"We have to go back to Earth and defeat my evil, yet extremely handsome, counterpart, you morons."

"Ah," Socrates considered. "I'd almost forgotten about him."

"Right," Calvin said.

And with that, he turned to the ship controls.

"Earth, here we come!" Calvin grinned, activating the rocket boosters, and then lifting off the moon.

Calvin set the ship coordinates for Earth, and they blasted off, sending dust everywhere.

That probably wasn't the smartest thing they ever did.


	20. Someone Saved My Life Tonigh

Back on Earth, deep in an underground lab, two people had escaped Evil Calvin's reign of terror.

It was Dr Brainstorm and Jack. The stupid genius and the smart robot.

Jack had no problem staying under the ground, because he was there all the time, but Dr Brainstorm, of course, had to make everything complicated.

"YES!" Brainstorm screamed. "I have finally finished my device that will defeat Evil Calvin, and give _me _control all at the same time!"

"I'll bet you have," Jack said, turning the page to his magazine.

"Behold!" Brainstorm yelled, holding up a fancy pair of sunglasses that were a sleek chrome color. "My _Defeat Current Dictator and Give User Control all at the Same Time_ device!"

"Uh huh."

"These glasses may look ordinary, but they have a special laser feature in it that will blow the current leader to kingdom come, and then _I'll_ take control, by threatening everyone to blow _them _up!"

"I think that's what Evil Calvin did," Jack yawned.

"Yeah, well, originality isn't important, as far as I'm concerned!"

Brainstorm put the glasses on.

"I'm going to test them out now!" he said.

"I'll just go call the ambulance now," Jack said, standing up, and walking out of the room.

Dr Brainstorm gave Jack a pushed out lip, then pushed the button on the glasses.

_**BOOOM!**_

"**_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!_**"

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes, and the gang were approaching Earth.

They didn't know what Evil Calvin had done to Earth, and…come to think of it, they didn't _want_ to know.

Calvin engaged the cloaking device so Evil Calvin's radar wouldn't pick him up, and he began to move in on the planet.

* * *

Meanwhile, Evil Calvin had forced everyone to build a giant monument in his name and he had turned Calvin's house into a castle.

Mom, Dad, Susie, Moe, Miss Wormwood, Rosalyn and Mr and Mrs. Derkins had been turned into Evil Calvin's personal slaves.

He was able to do all this in two weeks. Wow.

Evil Calvin had also made several dunderhead laws like, No watching TV unless it's the military channel, all money from the toy stores go to him, and you have to say "Long live Evil Calvin" every day. Dr Brainstorm hated that one.

So it seems as though they were more bowing down to _him_ rather than Retro and Rupert.

Wow, he _is_ evil.

* * *

Calvin landed the UFO behind Sneer Hill.

He dropped the escalator out, and he, Bob, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular walked out.

Calvin blinked and looked around.

"Huh, it doesn't look like he's done much damage," he said.

"We're behind a deserted mountain," Hobbes said. "_Nobody _comes here."

"Shut up," Calvin spat.

Fifteen minutes went by as everyone rounded the mountain and looked out at the chaos that Evil Calvin had brought to Earth.

The town was nearly destroyed.

Tin barrels with fire burning in them were all down the sidewalk. There was nobody in sight. Several buildings had been destroyed and or broken down. Cars were wrecked into the only standing buildings, and water was spewing straight up into the air from fire hydrants.

"This place looks worse than when Retro had control over everyone," Hobbes said.

"Indeed," Socrates added, tapping his chin. "Not even Rupert's chaos beats this one."

Bob gulped.

"We're dealing with some bad things here," Andy muttered.

Calvin stood in front of his friends.

He examined the damage.

Then his eyes narrowed, and a wide sinister grin spread across his face.

"Hobbes?" he asked

"Mmmyes?"

"Do you still have my inventions?"

"I believe so, yes."

Calvin chuckled to himself, cracking his knuckles.

"Let's go have some fun," he grinned.

Hobbes turned to everyone behind him.

"We're all doomed," he said.

Calvin's rubbed his hands together, and took the hypercube.

They made their way through the deserted town.

Security cameras that were all over the streets were following their progress.

They then approached the large castle where Calvin's house used to be.

OK, maybe Calvin's house was still there, but there was a giant ugly castle behind it.

Calvin was the first to walk over to his door, and try the doorknob.

The door was opened.

Calvin peeked inside.

The entire place was empty.

Everything was gone.

Including the TV, which I know just _killed_ Calvin.

He and the gang started up the creaking stairs, and peeked into Calvin's room.

That was the only room in the entire place that was untouched.

I'm not kidding!

The bed was still there, the room was messy, and there wasn't a thing out of place.

"That's odd," Calvin said, rubbing his chin. "Usually the most unlivable place in this house is _this_ room."

"This should go into the record books," Hobbes said. "'Calvin's room the cleanest in the house!'"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Ha, ha, ha. How long did it take you to come up with _that_ joke?"

Hobbes blinked.

"Never mind," Calvin said. "Let's just go save the world. Again."

And with that, Calvin, Hobbes, Bob, Socrates, Andy, Galaxoid, Sherman, and Nebular exited the house, and started around the back towards the giant castle.

They walked up to the door.

This was like any other door.

It had a sign on it that said _PLEASE KNOCK_.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances, and then Calvin pushed the door open.

It creaked loudly as it revealed a long, dark corridor.

Calvin and Hobbes peeked inside.

Hobbes turned around and started walking away in the other direction.

Calvin grabbed his tail and motioned for everyone to follow him.

Everyone started to creep into the castle.

Every step caused by the seven heroes and Sherman caused echoes to go down it.

At the end of the hallway was a staircase.

Next to it was a sign that said, "Evil leader worship and workout center. This-a-way".

Socrates studied it.

"Yup," he said. "He's a clone of you, all right."

Calvin gave Socrates a long glare.

Then, Hobbes turned around and started back down the hallway towards the door.

Calvin grabbed Hobbes' tail.

"Get up there," he grumbled.

With much fear, everyone began to climb up the staircase.

It was a big staircase.

Very big.

Calvin started up it at a run.

"DON'T WORRY, EARTH!" he called. "WE'RE COMING TO SAVE YA! HERE WE COME!"

They continued running up the stairs.

"STILL COMING!"

They continued.

"ALMOST THERE!"

They continued.

"Pant…pant……we're nearly at the top……pant…pant…"

They continued.

Calvin started crawling up the stairs.

"DEAR GOD, HOW LONG ARE THESE STUPID THINGS!" he hollered.

He waited for Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Bob, Galaxoid, and Nebular to catch up.

Then, they continued climbing at a slower pace.

Half an hour went by.

* * *

Evil Calvin was dressed in red robes as he ate Calvin's Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.

"Slaves!" he called, clapping his hands.

Mom and Dad came into the room; both of them were wearing old fashioned clothes.

"I feel needy," he announced. "Send in the evilly royal doofus."

"It's evilly royal fool," Dad said.

"Don't correct me. I'm your leader!" Evil Calvin spat. "Just for that, I'm going to make you watch that 8-hour magical pony movie again!"

Mom and Dad groaned.

"Now, do my evil biddings! Send in the evilly royal whatever. Chop, chop!"

Mom and Dad exited the room, and Moe entered.

He was wearing the most ridiculous outfit you can imagine.

A multi colored clown suit with big red shoes. He had a big red fake nose, and a multi-colored jack hat with bells on the end of all the points.

Evil Calvin grinned.

"OK, royal dunderhead. Do something stupid," he said, holding a finger over his head, and twirling it around in circles.

Moe clenched his fists, and grinded his teeth.

"Yes, Great Grand Potentate," he growled, through gritted teeth.

"And don't do that dumb dance with knees. I want something stupid today. Stupid, not dumb. Got it?"

Before Moe could respond, Calvin exploded through the door.

"HA, HA!" he screamed. "Don't worry Earth! We're here to save ya! Never fear because Calvin the bold is he……"

Calvin's eyes went to Moe.

There was a moment of silence, in which Hobbes, Socrates, Bob, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular entered, and began staring at Moe.

A wide grin spread across Calvin's face.

Then, he began laughing.

Then, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, and Hobbes joined in with the laughing.

Galaxoid, Nebular, and Bob exchanged glances, wondering what was so funny.

Calvin clutched his stomach, and began rolling around on the floor, still laughing his head off.

Socrates fell over backwards and began kicking his legs, he was laughing so hard.

Hobbes had to cover his eyes and tilt his head down, as he roared with laughter.

Andy was slapping his knees and laughing insanely, and Sherman had to hold on to Andy's ear so he didn't fall off his shoulder as he…

Well he didn't really laugh.

It was more of a squeak.

And with Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman laughing their heads off, Evil Calvin couldn't resist the temptation to join in, pointing at Moe, and laughing insanely.

Moe's face turned a deep shade of red and his fists were trembling like mad.

Finally after twenty minutes of lunatic laughter, Calvin wiped a tear from his eye, and chuckled, "Oh man, that's rich."

Then he spun back to Evil Calvin.

"All right, _FIEND!_ Prepare for your utter downfall!"

Evil Calvin stopped laughing and sat up straight in his throne.

He gave the eight heroes an evil grin.

Calvin stared at him.

"Holy cow!" he whispered. "YOU'RE GORGEOUS!"

Evil Calvin chuckled.

"Well now. If it isn't our little hero."

"Right," Calvin said. "And I'm here to say that you're going _down!_"

"I'll bet," Evil Calvin said. "Have you forgotten that I have a remote control here that will destroy the entire planet if you take one more step?"

He held up the remote.

Calvin's grin faded.

"Darn," he said. "Forgot about that."

"Indeed," Evil Calvin said. "And if you take one more step I'll—"

_**ZAP!**_

Suddenly, Hobbes whipped out the Transmogrifier Gun, turned it to laser, and blasted the remote out of Evil Calvin's hands.

Evil Calvin's mouth dropped open as he watched the remote land fifteen feet away.

"Well, that stinks," he shrugged. "NO MATTER! I am still all powerful!"

Evil Calvin ripped his robes off, revealing Calvin's red, T-shirt black pants, and red sneakers.

He still had the Mohawk.

He grinned and crossed his arms.

"Bring it on," he growled.

Calvin blinked.

"Is that the best banter you can come up with?" he asked.

Evil Calvin shrugged.

"I'm working on short notice. Give me a break."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

Then, before anything else could happen, Calvin leaped right into the middle of Evil Calvin, and they began rolling around on the floor, punching, kicking, biting, and slobbering all over each other.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Bob, Galixoid and Nebular watched.

Hobbes cut his eyes from side to side.

Then, he turned to Socrates, Andy, and Sherman and…oh you know the rest.

"Sherman," he hissed. "Do you think your lab is still standing?"

Sherman grunted.

"Of course, it is," he scoffed. "It's underground."

Hobbes tapped his chin, in thought.

"OK," he said. "I have a plan. But we have to leave now."

"Is this another one of your escaping themes?" Socrates asked.

"No, and if you just shut up and follow me, I'll show you."

And with that, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, blah, blah, and blah went tearing back down the castle towards the exit.

Evil Calvin kicked Good Calvin in the stomach.

Good Calvin bit Evil Calvin on his evil arm.

Evil Calvin kicked Good Calvin off, and he landed in the wall.

_**CRASH!**_

Evil Calvin leaped to his feet, and went charging for Calvin, his fists flying in all directions.

Calvin screamed, and leaped from the way.

Evil Calvin landed his fist into the brick wall, and put a three inch hole into it.

Gulp.

Calvin backed into the wall as Evil Calvin turned slowly and started slouching for him, his hands held at his waists.

Calvin's eyes cut from side to side.

"Stop right there!" he spat. "I'm warning you! I'm dangerous!"

Evil Calvin continued coming.

"Evil counterpart, I suggest you don't take one more step, or I'll……I'll scream. I'll call in the entire masks forces of Calvin the Bold! Would you believe that the Rottweilers are waiting for the signal to attack?"

Evil Calvin's grin got larger, and his eyes widened.

"Uh-uh."

"OK," Calvin said. "Well, would you believe that I have a secret weapon that's even deadlier than my inventions?"

"Uh-uh."

"OK, well, in that case…"

_**ZOOM!**_

Calvin went tearing around the room towards the…

Evil Calvin pushed a button on his watch.

The doors slammed shut.

And Calvin went crashing into them.

_**BASH!**_

He sank to the floor, and then leaped to his feet.

"Very well, there's always the window."

_**ZOOM!**_

Calvin leaped into the air and dove through…

_**CRASH!**_

Calvin smashed head first into the brick wall only inches away from the window.

He had missed.

He sank to the floor, again, and leaped up.

He cut his eyes from side to side.

"Ooo-kay," he said. "Somebody moved the window. How am I supposed to make a daring escape out the window when people are moving it around! I can't keep track of every single window in this stupid castle! Therefore, following the simple logic, I am completely—OOF!"

Suddenly, Evil Calvin collided with Good Calvin sending him into the wall, again.

_**GISH!**_

Dust went everywhere.

Calvin fell to the ground, and just sat there.

"I have been insulted!" he declared. "How dare you ram into me while I'm in the middle of a speech. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, and the next time I—ACK!"

He did it again.

This time, Calvin went south, crashing into Moe, who had been watching the whole thing.

_**GLING!**_

Moe is a very muscular six-year-old. And the next time you get a chance to fly into him, don't.

Calvin felt like he had slammed into an anvil.

And Moe wasn't even knocked backwards two steps!

He just stood there, with that dumb look on his face, as Calvin sank to the floor at his feet.

Calvin glanced up at him.

"Why are you still here?" he demanded.

Moe shrugged.

Evil Calvin cracked his knuckles and moved forward again.

Calvin leaped to his feet and spun around.

"Come here, junior!" he called as if nothing had happened. "Come on! You're gonna love it! Come on!"

Suddenly, Evil Calvin turned ninety degrees to the left, and started for a desk in the corner.

Calvin's grin dropped.

"HEY! Get back here! I'm not finished with you, yet! Come back! Come back!"

"Oh, I am," Evil Calvin growled, grabbing something off his desk and pointing it at Calvin.

He fired the device and a green light shot at Calvin.

"HUH!" Calvin screamed as it struck him.

Calvin rose five feet into the air and a green orb surrounded him, trapping him in the air.

"Ya like it?" Evil Calvin asked, putting the device down. "It's my electro-orb. And as long as you're contained in there…well, you're trapped."

Evil Calvin's eyes then went for the remote control that lay five feet away from him.

"Now then, where was I?" he asked, walking over to it with a sinister and evil grin.

Calvin and Moe watched helplessly as Evil Calvin reached down and prepared to lift the remote off the……

_**BOOOM!**_

Calvin, Moe, and Evil Calvin looked up.

Hobbes was riding in the flying wagon along with Andy, Sherman, Socrates and the rest.

Hobbes had the Imaginator in his right hand.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Where were _you_ this whole time!" he demanded.

"Sherman's lab," Bob said. "And let me tell ya, it is a _beauty_!"

"Yep," Socrates grinned, cracking his knuckles. "And we're ready to battle now."

"Not if I get the remote first!" Evil Calvin chuckled, snatching the remote up in his hands.

_**ZAP!**_

Socrates shot it out with the Transmogrifier gun again.

"I _have_ to get tighter grip on that stupid thing," Evil Calvin muttered, before making a dive for it.

He was almost at it when a white paw lifted it off the ground.

Evil Calvin looked up.

"Looking for this?" Hobbes yawned, twirling the remote between his thumb and forefinger.

Evil Calvin drew his foot back, and kicked Hobbes in the leg.

"YEEEE-OUCH!" Hobbes yelped, throwing the remote through the air.

The remote flew clear across the room and landed in Andy's hands.

Evil Calvin's eyes shot at Andy like bullets.

He turned around and slouched towards him, his hands in the strangling position.

Andy threw the remote over his shoulder, and Socrates caught it.

Evil Calvin started after Socrates.

Socrates tossed the remote to Galaxoid, who threw it to Nebular, who tossed it to Bob.

Bob caught it and stared down at it.

Evil Calvin, now in a frantic rage, came roaring towards Bob, pumping his fists madly.

Bob screamed, and tossed the remote…uh…out the window.

Everyone ran over to the window and watched its progress to Earth.

But before it reached the ground, Evil Calvin went tearing down the stairs.

Everyone except Hobbes followed him.

Hobbes stood there and stared at Calvin.

Calvin glared back.

"Well? Are you just going to stand there! Get out my Hypercube!"

Hobbes reached into Calvin's hypercube, and pulled out a red electric guitar.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "This is the guitar you used in the Camp Pine Mountain Range."

"Right. Hurry up."

Hobbes stared at him.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

"POINT THE END AT ME AND STRIKE A CORD!" Calvin bellowed.

"Oh."

Hobbes pointed the guitar at Calvin, and then brought his paw down onto the strings.

_**BONG!**_

There was an explosion of electricity, and the green orb around Calvin vanished.

Calvin fell to the floor.

"I'm guessing this is another one of your famous inventions?" Hobbes asked, studying the guitar.

"Uh huh," Calvin said, grabbing it away and shoving it into the hypercube. "You didn't complain about it, so I kept it. Let's go kick some evil butt, shall we?"

"Do, let's," Hobbes chuckled.

Calvin and Hobbes went rushing down the stairs.

* * *

Evil Calvin burst out the door of the castle, and his eyes fell upon the remote on the ground.

He made a dive for it.

He snatched it up from the ground, jut as Calvin, Hobbes, and so forth came to door.

"AH HA!" Evil Calvin screamed, holding the remote up. "The remote is mine, you morons! And so is Earth! Because now, I'm going to—"

_**BWASH!**_

Suddenly, dirt, rocks, and Evil Calvin exploded from the ground, and a giant drill emerged from it.

Evil Calvin landed face first in the dirt, and spun around.

Mom, Dad, Rosalyn, Moe, Susie, Miss Wormwood, and Mr Spittle were all watching from the side of the castle.

Suddenly, a hatch on the drill flew open, and a man with tall red hair, a lab coat, black pants, brown sneakers, and out of focus yellow eyes and a stupid grin plastered all over his face burst out.

Calvin and Hobbes' mouths dropped three inches.

"_DR FRANK BRAINSTORM!_" they both exclaimed in disbelief.

"CORRECT!" Brainstorm declared, pounding his chest. "IT IS I! **_DR BRAINSTORM! _**WITH HIS TRUSTY SIDEKICK, **_JACK THE ROBOT!_**"

There was a moment of silence.

"JACK! **_GET OUT HERE!_**" Brainstorm screamed hysterically.

At that very moment, a robot emerged along side with Brainstorm.

He had a tall, thin, silver body, long legs, a round head with bolts at the top, a long steel nose, and a bored expression on his face.

"What do you want, now, Frank?" he asked.

"**_IT'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!_**" Brainstorm hollered, throwing his fists into the air. "DO YOU HAVE THE _DEFEAT CURRENT DICTATOR AND GIVE USER CONTROL ALL AT THE SAME TIME _DEVICE?"

"I don't believe so, no," Jack said, sipping on his lemonade.

"**_WHY NOT!_**" Brainstorm screeched. "I TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES TO BE SURE TO BRING IT!"

"No, you didn't. You were too busy building your drill, that has to be steered through the brakes, and stopped with the steering wheel," Jack said.

Brainstorm blinked.

"WELL, WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY!"

He spun back to the crowd in front of him.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" he screeched. "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE! I AM NOW OVERTHROWING EVIL CALVIN, SO _I _CAN TAKE CONTROL! DO NOT BOTHER TO RESIST!"

Back to Jack.

"Jack, I'm afraid this will have to go into my report."

Back to Evil Calvin.

"GIVE ME THAT, FIEND!" he shrieked, grabbing the remote control away from Evil Calvin.

"HEY!" Evil Calvin screamed. "GIVE ME THAT! DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!"

Dr Brainstorm stuck his tongue out at Evil Calvin.

"Won't work, _FIEND!_ I will now blow you up with this amazing _blow people up_ device!"

He pointed the antenna at Evil Calvin and proceeded to push the button.

"That won't blow me up," Evil Calvin said smugly. "It will blow the entire planet up."

Brainstorm stopped.

"Oops," he said. "Well, we certainly don't want that. I can't take over a _blown up_ planet."

He stared at the remote.

"Now, how am I supposed to defeat you?" he whined.

It was then that Hobbes made his move.

He leaped through the air, over Evil Calvin's head, and snatched the remote out of Dr Brainstorm's hand.

"HEY!" Brainstorm screeched.

Hobbes held the remote, wondering if he had actually done that, then, with a gust of wind and a blur of orange, he vanished.

Evil Calvin screamed in frustration, and ran after Hobbes, who went back into the castle.

Jack climbed out of the drill and shook hands with Calvin and Socrates.

"Calvin, Socrates. Pleasure to see you, again," he said.

"Same here," Calvin said.

"Yep," Socrates said.

Jack then greeted Andy and Sherman, ignoring Brainstorm's screams of, "JACK! STOP INTERACTING WITH THE **_ENEMY!_**" and then went to meet Galaxoid, Nebular, and Bob.

He shook hands with Bob.

"Hello," he said. "I've heard of you. You're the sidekick to that guy with theThree Stoogeshaircut."

"Well, I was," Bob said. "I'm not anymore."

"Ah. Yes, I know what it's like to be a sidekick."

"JACK! MY SHOE IS CAUGHT IN MY LAB COAT! **_HELP!_**"

Jack ignored him.

"And I also notice we were both sidekicks for a mad scientist, and both had bad hair," Bob added.

"Ya don't say."

Jack and Bob then continued discussing several things of no particular interest, considering how much they had in common.

So, Calvin, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular, and Socrates left them alone to discuss whatever they were discussing and went after Hobbes and Evil Calvin.

"WAIT UP!" Brainstorm screamed. "_I_ WANT TO DESTROY EVIL CALVIN, TOO! WAIT! HEY!"

* * *

Hobbes and Evil Calvin went roaring up the stairs towards the top floor, Hobbes in the lead, carrying the remote that would destroy the Earth.

When he came to the room, he slammed the door in Evil Calvin's face.

Evil Calvin tried the door.

Hobbes had locked it.

Evil Calvin then drew a fist back, and pounded it into the door.

_**BASH!**_

Then, he slugged it with the other hand.

_**BASH!**_

_**BASH!**_

_**BASH!**_

_**BASH!**_

Hobbes stood on the other side of the door, watching helplessly as Evil Calvin's fists burst out the wood in the door.

Then, with a terrible crack, Evil Calvin clawed his way into the room.

"Give me that remote!" he screeched, making a grab for the remote.

Hobbes held the remote over his head and out of Evil Calvin's reach.

Evil Calvin drew a foot back and threw it.

Hobbes lifted his leg, and the kick missed.

Hobbes put the remote on the desk and before Evil Calvin could respond, he pounced him.

_**POW!**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Evil Calvin screamed, as Hobbes jumped away at the last second, and Evil Calvin crashed into the wall.

_**CRASH!**_

Dust went everywhere.

Hobbes waited, poised and ready to attack again.

Evil Calvin did not emerge from the dust cloud.

Hobbes sighed.

He turned around and started walking for the remote.

Evil Calvin's head burst out of the cloud.

His eyes were aflame, as he marched out of the dust cloud and grabbed Hobbes by the tail.

"YAAAH!" Hobbes yelled, as Evil Calvin lifted him into the air, and flung him at the wall.

_**BASH!**_

But before Evil Calvin could finish Hobbes off, a blast of hot electricity nailed him in the side, sending _him_ into the wall.

Socrates blew the smoke off of the tip of the Transmogrifier Gun.

"Man, I love this thing," he said.

Hobbes stood up and rubbed his sore tail.

"SOMEONE GET THE IMAGINATOR!" he screamed.

Brainstorm then appeared next to Andy and Sherman.

"I WILL SAVE THE DAY!" he screamed. "AND THEN, I'LL DESTROY IT!"

Brainstorm made a grab for the Imaginator.

He snatched it up and studied it.

"Huh. This is a weird device. I wonder what it does."

Suddenly Evil Calvin appeared, and swatted Brainstorm into the wall.

"OUCH!" he screamed, slamming into it. "REVENGE! **_REVENGE!_**"

Dr Brainstorm leaped up, and pulled out his _Servant Ray_.

"DEVICE!" he screamed. "CARRY OUT MY REVENGE ON EVIL CALVIN!"

The gun like device didn't do anything.

Brainstorm blinked.

"DEVICE!" he screamed. "_DO NOT_ carry out my revenge on Evil Calvin."

Suddenly, electricity exploded from the tip of the gun, and blasted Evil Calvin into the wall.

"Good old Servant Ray," Brainstorm chuckled.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Why is _he_ fighting with us?" Andy asked.

"Who cares?" Calvin replied. "He's fighting."

Hobbes ran over to Evil Calvin, and slugged him as he was standing up.

"ACK!" he yelled, tumbling backwards into Brainstorm.

Brainstorm grabbed him by the shoulders, and flung him at the wall, again.

"People sure do get slammed into a wall a lot in this scene," Hobbes said.

"Well, what else are we supposed to do?" Calvin asked, blasting Evil Calvin over with his MTM.

Andy then made a dive for the Imaginator with Sherman running after him.

Evil Calvin swatted him away and held the device over his head.

Then, Brainstorm snatched it up, and went running off in the other direction with it.

Hobbes grabbed it away from Brainstorm and just stood there, trying to figure out what to do next.

Evil Calvin growled, and then went roaring towards Hobbes like a freight train.

Hobbes tossed the Imaginator through the air, and it landed in front of Calvin.

Calvin cut his eyes from side to side and then made a dive for the Imaginator.

His hands were five inches away when Evil Calvin grabbed his arm.

"THAT'S IT!" he screamed. "I'M THROUGH PLAYING! GOODBYE, CALVIN!"

Calvin struggled against Evil Calvin's grasp, but he was too strong.

Evil Calvin drew his fist back, and prepared to…

Huh.

That was odd.

All at once, this large gust of wind blew past Evil Calvin.

He turned around and…

HUH!

Socrates was holding the Imaginator!

"Hello," he said.

He flipped it on.

"Goodbye," he said.

All at once, the nozzle that everything came out of turned around and started sucking.

"WHAT!" Evil Calvin screeched. "**_NO!_**"

Evil Calvin threw Good Calvin away, and grabbed hold of the edge of the window.

"**_NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!_**"

Socrates turned the energy on higher, and Evil Calvin lost his grip.

First his legs got sucked into the Imaginator.

Then his body.

He held on to the nozzle and tried to stay out.

"DON'T DO THIS!" Evil Calvin screeched. "LET'S DISCUSS THIS, CAT! I MEAN, SOCRATES! NO! NO! NO! _DON'T DO IT!_"

Then, Evil Calvin was sucked inside.

Socrates closed the nozzle.

"And for my final trick…," Socrates marched over to the window and dropped the Imaginator out.

"Oops," he said.

Everyone ran over to the window and watched.

It landed on the ground.

And burst into flames.

Jack and Bob stared at it.

"What was that?" Bob asked.

"I guess they just defeated Evil Calvin," Jack said, with no change in tone. "Now then, what was it that you saw?"

"HEY!" Brainstorm cried. "I could have used that to take over the Earth!"

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Galixoid, Nebular, and Socrates all stared at Dr Brainstorm.

Dr Brainstorm cut his eyes from side to side.

"Very well," he said. "You've won this round! You just got lucky, though!"

"You were fighting on _our_ side," said Nebular.

"**_I SHALL RETURN!_**"

And with that, Dr Brainstorm rushed out of the castle.

Calvin turned to Socrates.

"Socrates?"

"Yes?"

"You saved my live."

"Yes, I guess I did."

"And that, will of course, cause me to have to use manners with you."

"It sure might."

"And I think I owe you some information."

"Yes?"

"About your fainting spells?"

Sherman's head came up.

"What? NO! CALVIN! DON'T!"

Calvin ignored him.

He took a deep breath in, and blurted, "There's a computer chip in your head."

There was a long moment of silence.

Socrates stared at Calvin.

"There's a _what_ in my head?" he asked calmly.

"It's a computer chip," Calvin said. "Sherman put it inside you. It's designed to be like a telephone. It transmits messages back and forth between Galaxoid and Nebular and me. Whenever a call is coming in, you do something stupid and transmit it."

There was a moment of silence.

"It's Sherman's fault, though," Calvin added, quickly.

Socrates cut his eyes from side to side.

Then, his eyes fell on Sherman.

Sherman blinked.

Socrates marched up to him and snatched him up.

"You installed a computer chip in my head?" he asked.

Sherman blinked.

"Maybe."

"Do you know what I'm going to do now?" Socrates asked.

"Let me go and forget the whole thing?" Sherman asked.

Socrates laughed, slightly.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…no."

Socrates went nose to nose with Sherman.

And then he…

…began laughing.

Sherman stared at Socrates, as he roared with laughter.

Then, Sherman started chuckling slightly.

Then, Calvin started laughing. Followed by Hobbes, Andy, Galaxoid and Nebular.

But suddenly, Socrates stopped laughing.

He acquired a lethal expression and hissed, "Take it out."

"Yes sir," Sherman said, leaping onto Andy's shoulder.

Galaxoid and Nebular looked at them.

"Well, it's been fun," said Galaxoid. "But we'd better head for home now."

"Okay," said Calvin, handing them a key. "Take Rupert's old ship. He won't be needing it anymore where _he_ is."

Galaxoid took the key.

"Thank you."

And the two of them started to leave.

"Uh, hold on a second," said Calvin.

The two aliens stopped and looked back.

"Yes?" asked Nebular.

"Uh…you guys are clear that I'm _not_ the Supreme Earth Potentate, right?" he asked.

"Correct," said Galaxoid.

"Good. I'm sorry I lied to you. I was desperate."

"It's okay. We're too lazy to hold a grudge," said Nebular. "We'll see you guys around."

Everyone waved as they left.

Calvin turned to the five beings that were still in the room.

"Okay, gang," he said. "Let's fix everything and put it back to the way it was, huh?"

"Okay," said Hobbes.

They decided to ride the new wagon down the side of the castle, seeing as how Calvin didn't feel like going down all those stairs.

A group of people from the town had gathered, including Mom, Dad, Susie, Moe, Rosalyn and Miss Wormwood.

Dr Brainstorm and Jack were just loading up to go home, and Bob was helping them.

Calvin landed the wagon, and Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates got out.

Calvin stood before the world on a pile of rocks with Hobbes right behind him.

"HEY, AMERICA!" he shouted. "HOW'S IT GOING?"

Everyone just grunted.

"YEAH, I FEEL THE SAME WAY!"

Then he got tired of yelling.

"Hobbes, hand me a microphone."

Hobbes rooted through the hypercube and pulled out a wireless microphone.

"Much better," he said. "Now then, it would appear that for the millionth time in a row, I have saved the planet. And this is the third time you've actually noticed."

Mom and Dad sighed.

Susie and Moe glared at him.

"First of all, a big round of applause for Socrates, Andy and Sherman for cooperating and actually helping me," Calvin said.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman waved at the crowd.

Everyone clapped.

"And the ex-sidekick of Retro Griffin, Bob! He's made a big turnaround, and he's now fighting for the good side!"

Everyone clapped for Bob, who took a bow.

"And of course, a big thanks to Hobbes, my best friend in the whole world. In fact, I think if anyone's getting any rewards here, it should be _him_! In fact, he's been a big help all through the Rupert and Retro series, and he's been ignored for a lot of the fame. Let's give him the biggest round of applause ever, huh?"

Everyone immediately erupted into loud cheers as Hobbes stood up next to Calvin.

Hobbes stood there, watching everyone clap.

"Aw, shucks!" he said into the mike. "T'weren't nothin'! But if you wanna thank me properly, please send sixty thousand pounds of tuna fish to the house that's standing behind, and—"

"Thanks, Hobbes. That's enough," said Calvin, shoving Hobbes aside.

To the crowd.

"Okay, now I'm sure you're worried about what will happen next. Not to worry. Rupert, Retro and Earl are trapped in time stop on one of Zok's moons, and therefore, they will _never_ come back!" Calvin said.

"Won't the aliens come back to avenge them?" asked Susie.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Bob, Andy and Sherman stared at them.

Then they keeled over laughing.

"AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! WHOOO, DAH, HAH, HA, HA! HOO BOY! WOOO! Heh, heh, ha. Hoo-wee."

Once they got their serious faces back, Calvin said dully, "No."

Susie rolled her eyes.

"Now then, let's fix the town, huh?" Hobbes said.

Hobbes reached into the hypercube and pulled out a yellow gun that looked like an atomic soaker and handed it to Calvin.

It was that gun that was used at the end of _TROUBLE ISLAND_.

Calvin looked it over.

"Does it still work?" he asked.

He shot a blast of yellow electricity at the Dr Brainstorm's drill, which immediately changed caused it be destroyed.

"HEY!" shouted Dr Brainstorm.

"Yep. It works all right," said Andy.

Calvin got down on the sidewalk and laid on his back. Then he aimed and fired at the sky. Yellow energy flew out and went all over the world, enveloping the planet in a ball of yellow. Several bursts of energy and electricity crackled. All of Evil Calvin's destruction was removed from the Earth.

Soon, everything was fixed. The fire hydrants were put back. The cars were removed from the buildings. The buildings magically were rebuilt. All of Calvin's possessions returned to their natural habitat.

The only thing that remained was that castle behind the house.

"Why's that still there?" asked Mom.

"Well, Mom, I've made a decision: the castle stays," said Calvin.

Mom rolled her eyes.

* * *

After everyone said thanks Calvin and the gang, they all went home to get their lives back in order.

Bob spoke to Calvin and Hobbes.

"Okay, I'm going to tell you two something, but I don't want you to get mad," he said. "I, er, decided to work for Dr Brainstorm."

Calvin stared.

"Wait, I thought you were joining the good side!"

"I am. Frank's not really a bad guy if you think about it. He's not vicious like Retro was. Besides, Jack's a pretty cool robot."

Calvin and Hobbes glanced at Brainstorm, who was climbing into the drill. Jack was watching.

"Yeah, you'll do better with Frank," said Hobbes.

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!_**"

"Well, I'll see you all next week when he tries to blow your house up. See ya."

Everyone waved good bye to Bob and Jack, and the drill disappeared into the earth.

Socrates turned to Andy and Sherman.

"Okay, Vermin," he said. "I want you to remove that chip and leave my brain exactly the way it was, understood?"

Sherman nodded.

"But before you do, I want you to do something."

"Yes?"

Socrates handed Andy a camcorder.

"I want to see what this stupid thing I do first."

Socrates got set.

"Okay, let's see… I believe the number was…98462?"

_**KA-TROING!**_

Suddenly, Socrates jumped up into the air, landed on his tail, spun around, closed his eyes and put his hands up.

Calvin pushed his nose and turned him off.

Socrates came out of it.

"Got it," said Andy.

"Good. Let's see it."

Socrates watched it.

He stared at the recording.

"Huh," he said. "That _is_ funny. Now take it out."

"Right," said Sherman.

They said their goodbyes to Calvin and Hobbes and walked away.

"Well, I'm glad that's over," said Calvin.

"Me too," said Hobbes.

"Thanks for saving my life, Hobbes. I owe you one."

"Aw no ya… _Yeah_, you do!"

Calvin sighed.

They entered the house.

"Well, Mom and Dad, I'm in the mood for hamburgers," he said. "We're going out tonight."

Mom and Dad sighed.

"Fine, but we can't stay out too late," said Mom, grabbing her purse.

"Why not?"

"You need to be ready for school tomorrow."

Calvin's eyes bugged out.

"**_WHAT?_** _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_!"

* * *

The next morning, Calvin was standing on the curb, waiting for the bus.

"Second grade, huh?" Hobbes said, standing next to him.

"Yeah," said Calvin. "Makes me wish I didn't forget everything I learned last year."

Pause.

"2nd Grade! Wow! I never thought that I'd make it."

"Neither did anyone else," chuckled Hobbes.

Calvin ignored him. "It'll be so sweet! No Miss Wormwood, no Susie, no huge piles of homework and lunch is earlier than usual!"

"You're three fourths correct," said Hobbes.

"Huh? Whaddya mean?"

"There _won't_ be any Miss Wormwood _or_ Susie. Lunch _will_ be earlier. However, the higher into school you get, the bigger the workload."

"Oh, puh-leeze," scoffed Calvin. "It'll be a snap! I'll admit, it will take awhile get into, but after October, I'll have that teacher right where I want her. She'll be putty in my hands."

"Yeah," replied Hobbes. "Really dry putty that's as hard as a rock!"

Calvin and Hobbes chuckled and thought back over the past summer.

"Been a crazy summer, huh?" Calvin said. "But now, things have changed for the better."

"Right. We got a free castle," agreed Hobbes.

Then Calvin saw the yellow bus coming down the road.

"Well," Calvin said. "Here comes the bus."

"Yeah," said Hobbes. "It's still yellow."

"Yep."

The bus pulled up.

"See ya this afternoon?" Calvin asked.

"Pounce ya when ya come in?" Hobbes replied.

"Sounds like a plan."

The bus doors opened.

Calvin lingered for a second.

Then he started up.

But at the first step, Hobbes put a paw on his shoulder.

"Hey, uh, Calvin?" he asked.

Calvin looked back.

"Yeah?"

He then saw that Hobbes had been joined by Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular, Bob and Jack.

"Best of luck. From all of us."

Calvin grinned and waved.

"See ya later, guys."

And he boarded the bus.

The door shut and the bus drove away.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid, Nebular, Bob and Jack left.

And the camera zoomed out of the quaint little neighborhood and watched them leave, and then swung out over the planet and watched the bus drive into the rising sun. And then the screen went black and a pair of words rolled over the black screen.

_**THE END**_


	21. Bonus Interview

**Credits**

**Chapter 1: **Garfieldodie

**Chapter 2: **Garfieldodie

**Chapter 3: **Garfieldodie

**Chapter 4:** Swing123

**Chapter 5: **Garfieldodie

**Chapter 6: **Swing123

**Chapter 7: **Garfieldodie / Swing123

**Chapter 8: **Garfieldodie

**Chapter 9: **Swing123

**Chapter 10: **Swing123

**Chapter 11: **Swing123 / Garfieldodie

**Chapter 12: **Garfieldodie / Swing123

**Chapter 13: **Garfieldodie

**Chapter 14: **Swing123 / Garfieldodie

**Chapter 15: **Garfieldodie

**Chapter 16: **Swing123

**Chapter 17: **Swing123

**Chapter 18: **Garfieldodie

**Chapter 19: **Swing123

**Chapter 20: **Swing123 / Garfieldodie

* * *

_**Voice Actors:**_

**_Pamela Segall Adlon…_** Calvin

**_Tom Hanks… _**Hobbes / Erne the alien / Alex the alien

**_Ryan Stiles…_ **Socrates / Carl the alien / Jack the alien

**_Andrew Lawrence…_ **Andy

**_Colin Mochrie…_ **Sherman / Alfred the alien / Luke the alien

**_Bill Murray…_ **Dad / Galaxoid / Lace the alien / Biff the alien

**_Tom Kenny…_ **Earl / Nebular / Lenny the alien / Jay the alien

**_Eric Roberts…_ **Rupert Chill

**_Kurtwood Smith…_** Retro Griffin

**_French Stewart…_ **Bob / Zack the alien / Tim the alien / Socrates' High-Tech Voice

**_Rob Paulson…_** Evil Calvin

**_Jennifer Love Hewitt…_ **Mom

**_Dakota Fanning…_** Susie Derkins

**_EG Daily…_ **Moe

**_Neil Crone…_ **Dr Frank Brainstorm

**_Michael Brandon…_ **Jack

**_Jim Carrey…_ **Dave the alien / Danny the alien

**_Robin Williams…_** Alien Janitor

**_Ashton Kutcher… _**Alien Announcer

**_Ben Stine…_ **Dull-Voiced Aliens / "Mmm-Hmmmm" Guy / Planet Field Guide Narrator

**_Chris Rice… _**"The Best Song Ever" Singer

**_Dee Bradley Baker…_** Various Voices

* * *

_**Soundtrack:**_

**_Double Summer: _The Chills: **Opening Theme

**_Alien Shore: _Rush**

**_I'm On My Way: _Rich Price**

**_War: _Edwin Starr**

**_The Best Song Ever: _Chris Rice: **Hobbes' song.

**_Thunderbirds Are Go: _Busted: **Cut to the Chase

**_Wake Me Up When September Ends: _Green Day: **Closing Theme

**_With a Little Help From My Friends: _Joe Crocker: **Credits

**_Lemonade: _Chris Rice**

**_Your Heart Will Lead You Home: _Kenny Loggins

* * *

**

**Book Chapters**

**Chapter 1: **Double Trouble by the Butterfield Blues Band

**Chapter 2: **(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction by the Rolling Stones

**Chapter 3: **Lost in Space by the Fountains of Wayne

**Chapter 4: **Ship of Fools by the Doors

**Chapter 5: **Imagination (Is a Powerful Deceiver) by Elvis Costello

**Chapter 6: **Seen Your Soul by Mark Joseph

**Chapter 7: **The Ghost Ship by Robyn Hitchcock & the Egyptians

**Chapter 8: **Holdin' Out For a Hero by Frou Frou

**Chapter 9: **Danger and Play by OHO

**Chapter 10: **Writing to Reach You by Travis

**Chapter 11: **Blackmail by 10cc

**Chapter 12: **Death Vulcan Grip by the Truckee Brothers

**Chapter 13: **Feats Don't Fail Me Now by Little Feat

**Chapter 14: **You've Got a Friend by James Taylor

**Chapter 15: **The Best Song Ever by Chris Rice

**Chapter 16: **Cut to the Chase by Rush

**Chapter 17: **Beneath, Between & Behind by Rush

**Chapter 18: **War by Edwin Starr

**Chapter 19: **One Little Victory by Rush

**Chapter 20: **Someone Saved My Life Tonight by Elton John

**Chapter 21: **Bonus Interview by Mountain

* * *

**Calvin's Dictionary: **_Volume 2_

**Andy: **Noun. Nice kid, but unusually quiet. He doesn't have much personality, but his most defining quality is shutting a certain hamster up.

**Bob: **Noun. Retro's ex-sidekick. He's actually pretty nice once given the proper "motivation". His best talent is screaming his lungs out.

**Box: **Noun. A cube made from corrugated cardboard. Can be used for various inventions.

**Boy: **Noun. Male; the world's most perfect gender. Of course, once they turn thirty…

**Comic Book: **Noun. Reading material. Filled with gory, actiony cartoon panels. The world's perfect reading material. Keep out of reach of tigers.

**Claw-Car: **Noun. Despite being used for evil purposes, this thing is super-cool. With any luck, it can be used to fling a certain red-tailed tiger across the town! Watch out for the teeth, though.

**Earl: **Noun. An evil, despicable alien captain who hired Rupert's band of aliens. The upside? They're all morons.

**Evil Calvin: **Noun. One of the most evil and despicable, yet devilishly handsome creatures on this planet.

**Galaxoid: **Noun. An alien with no limbs. Funny little guy, but lacks arms, and sometimes brains.

**Galaxy Transmitting System:** Noun.A special transmitter that is located within the brain of Socrates. It may not get used often, but it's funny to watch him get turned on.

**Girl: **Noun. A female creature from a distant planet that's self goal is to annoy males.

**Guitar: **Noun. A special musical device that can be used as a weapon. When used correctly, it can blast electricity at aliens. Don't ask how. It just can.

**Hypercube: **Noun. An infinite storage cube that can hold whatever you put in it. Comes in blue, green or red.

**Imaginator: **Noun. A strange machine designed to bring your thoughts to life. It's a useful machine to anyone. Too bad they won't make it available to the general public.

**Nebular: **Noun. Similar to Galaxoid, but a lot dumber.

**Retro: **Noun. An evil genius who is probably a long-lost brother to Larry, one of the Three Stooges.

**Rupert: **Noun. Alien King who wants to be the dominant ruler of all. Moron.

**Shadowfax: **Noun.A skinny yet strong alien that comes from a bunch of red planets. It has many qualities. For one, those aliens are a bunch of killing machines. Oh lord, have mercy on our souls.

**Sherman: **Noun. A self-proclaimed genius who could possibly solve all the world's problems. The only thing stopping him? He's a hamster.

**Teacher: **Noun. An evil, twisted, obese old hag who does nothing but try to destroy children.

* * *

**The Secret Origin of Retro Griffin**

Retro had been regarded as a freak since the day he was born. He sat down a lot at desks during school, and soon his body had assumed a position where he looked like he was sitting down, even if he was standing up.

Retro was a straight-A student (duh) and always hated people. He hated _everyone_, even if they weren't mean to him. Much like our friend Hobbes, Retro has always held a dim view of humans, and thought they all needed a leader. He wanted to control them all and make them all see _his_ side of things.

Retro harbored all that hate, and once he graduated from Harvard, he was ready to take over the world.

But there was a problem: even though he was very bright, he didn't have enough brain power to build any weapons or machines.

It was incredibly annoying to him.

But he knew someone else who _would_ help him.

This man, who we'll just call Frank for now, was basically what Retro is today. The only difference: he's fighting for the good side.

It was very difficult to convince Frank to do this for him.

Retro had threatened him with a shotgun, and said if he didn't do this for him, and then there'd be a _lot_ of blood on the floor that night.

Frank was won around, but not willingly.

Frank's invention was shaped like a light bulb, but you could see into it. It was designed to take thoughts from someone else and send them into the light bulb part, and then they'd be emptied into a different head. It was an ingenious invention.

But Frank had a plan. In order to keep Retro from getting more powerful, he planned to overload the system, and make Retro's brain shut down all together, and therefore, he'd be reduced to a complete imbecile and forget what he was doing.

It backfired.

Retro connected himself to the machine, and Frank did as well.

Frank turned it on, and he started to send his all-powerful thoughts into the light bulb, and they all started to churn and then they would be sent to Retro's head.

But Frank started to think faster than before.

His genius thoughts poured into the light bulb at fifty thoughts per minute.

Retro noticed that he didn't look so good and asked what the heck he was doing.

Frank claimed it was part of the process, and then resumed, but even faster.

Soon, there were enough thoughts in the machine, and then it was time for Frank to put the plan into action.

He pressed a button on the machine, and he hit the button marked _SUCK_, in which case, Retro's brain would be sucked out of his head and into Frank's where it would be safe.

And that's where it all went wrong.

In an instant, Retro flipped another switch, and it redirected the sucking process.

Before Frank could fix it, his brain was drained, and his genius was sent to Retro's brain!

Uh-oh.

For a split second, Retro's head swelled up and got real big, and then it went back to normal. However, that swell, caused most of his hair to fall out, and the rest was all shoved aside, and his sideburns poofed out, but he didn't care.

In a fit of laughter, Retro ripped the machine from his head and shouted arrogantly at Frank, saying that he'd known about the plan, and now the tables were turned and the world was now his!

Retro left Frank to sit there, clueless as to what just happened.

Retro's next order of business was to figure out he'd gain control over the world.

First order business: think of a plan.

Retro thought about how he'd take over the world, and as he walked, he noticed a little girl playing with her dolls at a playground.

Retro despised children. He planned to do away with them all once he had control. But he couldn't but notice that this girl was playing with the dolls and talking to them. She poured nonexistent tea into a cup, and then she pretended that the doll was drinking it.

Retro's newfound genius came up with a plan: invent something that could create what you thought of telepathically!

It was brilliant!

But he couldn't do it without the equipment.

And with his new genius, he could do that!

For three years, Retro Griffin worked hard. He'd gone to deep woods and built himself a secret underground hideout under a swamp.

He gathered a bunch of henchmen who were to help him, but they were under mind control from some special pills he'd formulated himself. They could still think somewhat freely and talk, but other than that, they were slaves.

Retro spent seven months perfecting one of his inventions. He gave it a rectangular shape, and he put a timer on the front to tell if it was breaking down. Then he put a long hose on it, and then attached a helmet to it. Then he filled it with lots of wires and computer circuitry boards.

Retro began to wonder why he couldn't just use his own imagination to take over the world, but then when he tested it, it all came out wrong. He had a very bad imagination. He didn't watch enough daytime television.

Therefore, Retro knew he'd have to come up with something. Then he remembered that little girl. Maybe he could get _children_ to do it! But how? There was no way he could do this. They watched _a lot _of television, and there were lots of warnings about talking to strangers.

Then he decided to _kidnap_ the kids in the neighborhood just above him.

But how could get them all?

He went to a junkyard and found that an old bumper car had just been dumped there, and there were also broken up construction vehicles.

It gave him an idea.

With the help of his hench-slaves, he moved them all to his lab, and then he started construction.

In only two short weeks, he'd completed construction.

And just for his luck, school had just let out, so that meant kids would be everywhere!

Retro unleashed the newest invention: a claw car. He'd equipped the old bumper car to run on its own, and now it had a giant mechanical arm on the back end of it, and on the end of the arm was a giant set of jaws that could scoop up anyone.

Retro drove off into town and spotted the first subject.

It was boy, probably around six, with hair that covered his eyes.

"Hey, kid," said Retro.

The boy looked over his shoulder and gasped in horror.

"Who the heck are you!" he asked.

"I am Retro Griffin," said Retro. "I am offering several kids a free trip to Disney Land. Care to come?"

The boy gulped and didn't look too sure.

"Uh, I…?"

But it didn't matter what this kid said.

"What's your name, little boy?"

"Moe."

"Moe? Nice name. Would you, eh, care to join me? I'm gathering up lots of kids, and you're the first. I'll give you a ride to the waiting room."

Moe stared, and then gulped nervously as the claw came down and grabbed him.

"Easy, child. Don't fear me. I'll take you there."

"What do you want from me?" Moe asked.

Moe may be an idiot, but he's not _completely_ stupid.

"All I want is to put a helmet on your head, and then you think of the most dangerous thing ever."

"Um…okay?" Moe said.

And that was what it was all day.

Moe was only the first. Several kids were being kidnapped that day.

Retro went back and forth.

Soon, according to the radar, there were only two kids left.

And they were heading towards the forest.

"Almost done," he said sinisterly.

Suddenly, he heard a loud rattling.

"This is perfect, Hobbes! 2nd Grade! Wow! I never thought that I'd make it!"

The voice was young and high-pitched, and suddenly, a red wagon rattled past him.

In it was a boy. He had spiky blonde hair and was wearing mostly red.

Behind him was a stuffed tiger.

This kid was talking to a toy! It was too perfect!

He would be the first one he'd try his invention on.

But Retro noticed that he'd left the woods and was now headed for the road.

He couldn't risk being exposed, so he just stayed there.

Suddenly, he heard a little girl shriek.

"Ha, ha!" shouted the boy. "Direct hit!"

The boy suddenly rattled past again in the opposite direction.

Darn it. Retro had missed again.

But then he saw the girl, who'd apparently just been nailed by water balloons

Ah well. The boy couldn't get far. Might as well get the other.

Retro sent the claw down and grabbed the girl.

"Hello, little lady!" he shouted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" shrieked the girl.

The girl was wearing a yellow shirt with orange overalls, and she had nice brown hair.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

"I'll explain later. I have to catch that other kid!"

The girl shrieked as she was jammed into a secret compartment.

Retro growled and tore down the hill after the boy and his wagon. He managed to catch up.

Retro slammed on the gas, but that wagon was still able to outrun him.

His hopes for a surprise attack were dashed when the stuffed tiger leaned back in the wagon, and this apparently alerted the boy, who suddenly turned his head around and caught a glimpse of the claw car, and that was enough to tell this kid that something bad was about to happen.

The kid went over a steeper slope on the hill, and he started to get away, but the stone bridge just ahead suddenly crumbled away, and the wagon screeched to a halt.

Retro thought he had this kid in his clutches, but he suddenly realized just how fast he was going, and he knew he had to get those brakes on. He managed to stop, but he bumper car slammed into the wagon, sending the boy and his tiger flying across the gap in the bridge and to safety.

The boy got out of the wagon and stuck his tongue out at Retro on the other side, who was extremely furious. He shook his fist at them.

"You can try all you want, pal!" he yelled. "You'll never catch Calvin and Hobbes and our Wonder Wagon."

Retro was about to reply, but suddenly, his half of bridge weakened, and he found himself tumbling down into the river, where the car started to sink, but he activated a sub option and started to cruise back towards the shore, but would have to waited a while.

Soon, he drove out of the water and approached a secret tunnel, and then he drove along towards the hideout.

Once he was back, he dumped the girl in with the rest.

"What are you going to do with us?" asked the girl, whose name was Susie.

"Well, little girl, I plan to ship you all off to Disney Land, but first you all need to think of something dangerous and evil. But in the mean time, I need to find that punk kid."

"What punk kid?" asked another girl.

"He said his name was Calvin, and I swear that once I get him, I'll get my revenge for making me go through that terrible experience. It'll take forever to dry off this lab coat."

The other kids gasped.

"You mean…you'd kill Calvin?" asked Susie.

"No……well, not right away. Anyway, you all keep thinking evil thoughts."

And he left the kids alone.

Retro chuckled. "This plan is _flawless_," he sneered. "The world should be mine by the end of the week."

And it would've been to, if it hadn't been for a certain six-year-old boy and his tiger pal, who would soon notice that there was a problem, and they'd soon come forth and fight for justice, and from that moment on, Retro Griffin would forever seek vengeance on Calvin and Hobbes…

* * *

**The Story Behind Rupert Chill**

Two aliens sat in their UFO, sipping their milkshakes, and watching as the vast regions of space past by them.

The aliens were both only two feet tall. They had only one eye in the middle of their heads. They were both wearing hats about the same length of their body. One hat had a star on it. The other had a crescent moon on it. Neither alien had arms or legs. They had tentacles instead.

Both of them had wide grins on their faces.

"Ah, this is life." The one with the moon on his hat said.

"Couldn't agree more, Galixoid." The one with the star on his head replied, sipping his milkshake.

Galixoid yawned, and leaned back in his seat.

"Gee, Nebular, I wonder how far the next gas station is." He smacked. "This ship only has two million miles to the gallon."

"I told you we shouldn't have bought the compact edition." Nebular said.

Suddenly, the radar screen started beeping, and a red warning light started flashing.

"WARNING! WARNING!" A computer voice chanted. "ZOKIAN BATTLE SHIP! ZOKIAN BATTLE SHIP!"

Galaxoid's eye popped open, and Nebular fell out of his seat.

"Zok!" Galixoid yelled. "They're the most viscous aliens in the universe!"

Nebular grabbed the controls, and began steering their space ship in the other direction.

Suddenly from behind one of the meteors, a gigantic space ship appeared.

The ship was long ovalish shape with windows going around the center of it. It was jet black. Stationed inside a red circle, a huge, jet black Z sat centered in the ship. And there were green lights around it, scanning the area around it as if it was looking for something.

"E-GAD!" Galixoid shrieked "There it is!"

"Wow, how dramatic." Nebular said.

The two little aliens' ship made a full turn around.

Galixoid slammed his tentacle into the HYPERDRIVE button.

Fire spewed out the back of the ship, and the ship started bolting away.

Only...oops... The green lights on the ship all fixed on Galixoid and Nebular's little UFO.

The Zokian ship started moving forward towards the UFO.

Galixoid pushed a lever forward, and the ship blasted forward.

The Zokian ship lingered for a moment, then it, too, vanished in a blast of fire.

The two ships rocketed across the vast regions of space.

Galixoid and Nebular were starting to panic.

Especially when the Zokian extended rocket launchers and laser rays from their ship, and started firing.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

Galixoid and Nebular dodged all the blast desperately trying to get away.

CRASH!

Oops.

It appeared that one of the explosives had landed right in the middle of Galixoid and Nebular's ship.

A red light started flashing throughout their ship, an alarm went off.

Galixoid and Nebular exchanged glances, and started screaming.

The ship spiraled out of control, and conveniently headed for Mars.

The ship crashed into the red soil, destroyed several NASA probes, and finally bashed into a red wall of rock.

SMASH!

Galixoid and Nebular opened their eyes, dazed but unhurt.

They looked around.

Silence.

Galixoid turned to Nebular and shrugged.

"Maybe they didn't see where we crashed." He suggested.

At that very moment, the sound of a humming motor reached Galixoid and Nebular's ears.

They looked out the window, and saw the Zokian battle ship landing on Mars' surface.

"Of course, I've been wrong before." Galixoid said.

"HIDE!" Nebular screamed.

The two aliens frantically put their air helmets on, and scurried off their ship, towards some red rocks.

An escalator dropped down from the Zokian battle ship.

Smoke hissed out of the entrance, and a pair of glowing yellow eyes emerged from it.

A tall creature emerged from the ship, and cut his yellow compound eyes from side to side.

He had a chrome, crescent moon shaped head with large razor sharp teeth. He had no nose or ears, and had a deadly serious expression on his face.

His body was chrome, too. It had two tentacles on his sides for arms, and several tentacles for legs, causing the impression that he slithers instead of walks.

He was wearing a red uniform that went to all the tips of his tentacles. A large jet black Z logo stood out on it.

A ray gun was tucked into his pocket, where he had easy access to it, and finally, he had a name tag on that said, RUPERT CHILL, KING.

Another alien with the exact same features came down next. His name tag said, EARL, CAPTAIN.

Earl joined Rupert.

Seconds later several more aliens with the exact same characteristics came down to the soil. Their name tags had several different names. LENNY, MEMBER. ERNE, MEMBER. DAVE, MEMBER, and so on.

However their faces were far from serious.

They all had goofy grins on their faces.

And it's weird seeing that stupid grin on faces with compound eyes, razor sharp teeth, and chrome heads shaped like a crescent moons included with it.

Very weird.

All the aliens had round, fancy looking air helmets on, and when they breathed; it was amplified through radios in them.

Rupert turned his head to the crew in front of him.

"Alright." He said, his voice being muffled by the helmet. "I want the two aliens brought here _alive! _Alive, not dead. The opposite of deceased. Do you think any of you morons can handle that?"

The aliens all exchanged glances, shrugged, turned back to Rupert, and nodded.

"Good." Rupert spat. "Move out."

"I'm happy where I live already," Alex the alien said.

"GO GET THE ALIENS!" Rupert screamed.

"OK! OK!" The aliens all scattered.

Rupert sighed, and turned back to the Mars landscape.

"Why do you think that Galixoid and Nebular know who the Supreme Earthling Potentate is?" The captain, Earl asked.

"I was listening to the radio," Rupert said. "And suddenly those two came on, bragging about how they how met him."

"Ah."

Galixoid and Nebular were hiding in a small cave, panting.

"Do you think we gave them the slip?" Nebular asked.

Suddenly, an ugly alien head appeared in front of them.

"No." Galixoid replied.

The alien named Luke peered into the cave, and stared at Galixoid and Nebular.

"Say," He said. "Have you seen aliens go by here?"

"Did they look exactly like us with no tiny difference whatsoever?" Asked Galixoid.

Luke studied them.

"Yup! They sure do."

"Nope, never heard of them."

"Oh, darn."

And with that, Luke left.

Galixoid and Nebular winked at each other, and grinned.

Luke stopped.

"Hey!" he yelled. "Wait a minute!"

Galixoid and Nebular's grins dropped like bricks.

Luke's head reappeared in the hole.

"May I see your driver's license sir?" He demanded.

Galixoid and Nebular exchanged glances.

Then, they both reached into their pockets, and pulled out a couple of cards.

They handed them to Luke.

Luke stood up, and gawked at the cards.

"Uh-huuuuuuuuuuuuuh." He observed. "But are they the ones we're looking for?"

He turned the cards over, and stared at a message on the back.

_Yes, they are, you dunce_

Luke blinked.

"Oh."

He reached under the rock, and yanked the two terrified aliens out.

Luke cleared his throat, pulled out a piece of paper, and started reading.

"By the authority of the Zokian army, navy and the planet Zok, and any other planet whose names starts with Zs, I hereby arrest you for no reason whatsoever, so our king can drill you with extremely tough questions, and torture us while doing so. If you resist arrest I will be forced to use really cool nightsticks and hotshots to beat you up with."

As Luke read, Galixoid and Nebular exchanged glances.

"Once again, I shall repeat that you are being arrested by Zok, just because we like to brag about how cool we are. You have the right to remain silent. Anything to say can or will be used against you in a court of tentacles. If you... ah what the heck, nobody cares about that part."

He threw the paper over his head, and lead Galixoid and Nebular away.

Rupert and Earl were waiting on the ship, when Luke came slithering up with a wide stupid grin on his face.

Rupert and Earl watched him come with their tentacles crossed.

"Where are they?" Rupert demanded.

Luke stepped aside, and revealed the petrified Galixoid and Nebular.

"Ah, Galixoid and Nebular." Rupert grinned. "We meet at long last."

"We've only been chasing them for three days." Luke said.

Rupert spun around to Luke.

"Would you shut up?"

Back to Galixoid and Nebular.

"Get on the ship, now!"

Over to Earl.

"Escort them to their 'rooms', Earl."

Back to Luke.

"Gather up the rest of the crew. We're leaving now."

Back to Galixoid and Nebular.

"I hope you enjoy your visit." He snarled as Earl led them away.

"What do you _mean_ you won't feed us?" Nebular screamed. "We need constant nourishment!"

"And I need constant patience." Earl spat. "Now tell me who's the Earth Potentate is, or I'll throw another sandwich away."

"What kind of sandwich is it?"

"TALK!"

"NEVER!"

Earl held up a tuna sandwich, and dropped it into the waste basket.

"THE HORROR!" Galixoid screamed.

Earl held up a peanut butter and pickle sandwich, and dropped it in the waste basket.

"THE TERROR!" Nebular screamed.

Earl held up a peanut butter jar, and dropped it into the waste basket. Followed by a honey jar, a pickle jar, a bag of bread, a tuna can, three jugs of ice creme, and a spoon.

Galixoid and Nebular were hysterical.

"OK! OK! WE'LL TALK!"

Earl sighed, and put the yogurt covered raisins back in the fridge.

"Good. Great. That's the best news I've heard all week. Who is he?"

"His name is Calvin." Galixoid said. "He lives with a tiger called Hobbes."

Earl grinned.

"Yes...? What else?"

"He has weird spiky yellow hair, a red T-shirt with stripes on it, black sweat pants and red sneakers." Nebular said. "He has a loud voice, and he's always complaining about his life."

"Yes, Potentates usually do that." Earl said, rubbing his chin. "Anything else?"

There was a moment of silence.

"No, that's about it." Galixoid said. "Can we have lunch now?"

"What? Oh sure. Alex?"

An alien came running into the room.

"Yes boss?"

"Do whatever they tell you to do." Earl said, walking out of the room.

"Okay."

There was a moment of silence.

Galixoid blinked.

"Uuuuh..." He said. "So you're gonna do whatever we tell you to do?"

Alex nodded and grinned.

"Uuuhhh-huuuuuuhh..."

There was another moment of silence.

Then Nebular grinned.

"Let us go, trust us completely, and put us in your crew."

"Okay."

Alex let Galixoid and Nebular out of their cell.

"Gee that was easy." Galixoid grinned.

Meanwhile in the control room, Rupert and Earl stared out at the planet Earth.

"Approaching Calvin's house." Said a cool robot voice.

"**Location: **United States

**Age: **six

**Occupation: **Supreme Earthling Potentate."

Rupert and Earl grinned, evilly.

"Earth Potentate," Rupert growled. "Your days are numbered."

And with that, he and Earl burst out in maniacal laughter.

* * *

_**With a Little Help From My Friends**_

_Calvin: __What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song. I will try not to sing out of key._

All: Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.  
Calvin: All I need is my buddy.

_All: Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends.  
Calvin: I said I'm gonna get help._

_All: Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends  
Calvin: Whoa, yeah!_

_Hobbes: What do I do when my love is away?  
Socrates: Does it worry you to be alone?  
Hobbes: How do I feel at the end of the day?  
Andy: Are you sad because you're on your own?_

_Hobbes: I'll tell ya, I don't get sad no more.  
All: No, I get by with a little help from my friends._

_Hobbes: Gonna get by with my friends.  
All: Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends  
Hobbes: Hey, hey, I'm gonna try._

_All: Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends_

_Calvin: (speaking)__ All right, guys. All together now!  
All: Do you need anybody?  
Calvin:__ I need somebody to love.  
All: __Could it be anybody?  
Hobbes: __All I need is somebody.  
Socrates: That's just where I'm goin', yeah!_

_Calvin: Somebody knows when I'm sure! _

_Galaxoid: Baby!_

_All: No, I get by with a little help from my friends. _

_Calvin: I'm gonna make it with my friends!  
All: Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends.  
Hobbes: Whoa, whoa, I'm gonna keep on trying! _

_All: Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends. _

_Nebular: I'm gonna keep on trying! _

_All: Would you believe in a love at first sight?  
Andy: I'm certain that it happens all the time.  
All: What do you see when you turn out the light?  
Hobbes: (speaking) You'd better get this right, Vermin._

_ Sherman: I can't tell you but it sure feels like it's mine! _

_Hobbes: (speaking) Huh, not bad._

All: _Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.  
Socrates: Don't you know I'm gonna make it with my friends?_

_All: Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends.  
Galaxoid: I promised myself I'd get by!_

_All: Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends.  
Nebular: Sit down, boy, I'll tell ya with a tune!_

_All: Do you need anybody?  
Calvin: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!  
All: Could it be anybody?  
Hobbes: OH, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMEBODY!_

_Socrates: Yeah, there's gotta be somebody! _

_ Sherman: Yeah, yeah._

_All: No, I get by with a little help from my friends. _

_Calvin: I said, I'm gonna get by with my friends!  
All: Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends.  
Hobbes: Whoa, whoa, I'm gonna keep on trying! _

_All: Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends._

_Andy: Keep on trying with my friends! _

_All: Get by with a little help from my friends._

_Galaxoid: Whoa, ain't nothing gonna stop me no more!_

_All: Get high with a little help from my friends. _

_Nebular: I'm gonna keep on trying! _

_All: Gonna try with a little help from my friends._

_Socrates: Gonna get high; gonna keep on trying! _

_All: Get by with a little help from my friends._

_ Sherman: Go get by with a little help from my friends!_

_Calvin: Yeah, I'm gonna get on by._

_Galaxoid: Yeah, I too shall get on by._

_Hobbes: For the long and lonely ride, gonna take 'em all along._

_Andy: Yeah, yeah! Ha, ha!_

_Nebular: Gonna come along and say it. Gotta say it!_

_Socrates: Oh, I'm gonna take my friends along with me!_

_ Sherman: Everywhere we go, we're gonna go together! _

_Calvin & Hobbes: Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends. With a little help from my friends! _

* * *

_**Trailer **_

_There is a black screen. Suddenly, there is static and a television screen is shown. The Fan Fiction logo and Nickelodeon Movies fly across the screen. Rupert, Earl and Retro appear on the screen._

_**Rupert: **Hello, Earthlings._

_**Earl: **Surprised to see us?_

_**Retro: **You should be._

_Galaxoid and Nebular are transmitting through Socrates._

_**Galaxoid: **We just saw Rupert and Earl!_

_**Nebular: **And Retro and Bob!_

_**Hobbes: **Retro and Rupert? Together!_

_Retro stands before the aliens._

_**Retro: **We'll sneak up to Calvin's house, beam him up into the ship and leave an evil clone in his place._

_Retro creates Evil Calvin._

_**Rupert: **Is he evil?_

_Evil Calvin attacks Rupert, knocking him down._

_**Earl: **Yup, he's evil._

_Dramatic music is play as Calvin is beamed into space, sound asleep. _

_Calvin is in the dark room._

_**Calvin: **I REFUSE TO LET SOME CREEPY, SHAPELESS THING DISTURB MY…something. My dignity! My pride! My Sense of Self Wonder! What any of those have to do about this particular moment, I don't know. BUT I REFUSE TO FIND OUT!_

_Music changes to hip-hop._

_**Narrator: **This summer…_

_**Hobbes: **We're going to save Calvin from Rupert and Retro!_

_**Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular: **YAAAAAYY!_

_**Narrator: **…one young tiger…_

_Hobbes dodges a blast of energy. Cut to him searching Sherman's ship._

_**Hobbes: **Hey, rat, where do you keep your flashlights?_

_**Sherman: **I might just not want to tell you._

_**Shadowfax: **SCREEEEEEEECH!_

_**Hobbes: **You were saying?_

_**Sherman: **It's in that red compartment._

_**Narrator: **…has got a plan to save his best friend._

_**Hobbes: **We need a rocket!_

_**Andy: **Sherman has a rocket._

_**Sherman: **Shut up! I don't want these two felines getting fur all over my rocket!_

_**Andy: **Tell it to someone who cares._

_Music changes to Chris Rice's "On the Other Side of the Radio"._

_**Narrator: **Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies proudly present…_

_**Andy: **We have to battle giant aliens for our freedom?_

_**Socrates: **That sure as heck won't be children's fable anytime soon._

_**Narrator:** …Andy and Sherman…_

_**Sherman: **It would appear that your inability to remember anything has paid off._

_**Andy: **Just for that, you don't get the new hamster treats when we get home._

_**Sherman: **Aw, come on!_

_**Narrator: **…Galaxoid and Nebular…_

_**Nebular: **I'm giving you an Almost Guarantee._

_**Galaxoid: **What's an Almost Guarantee?_

_**Nebular: **It's one notch shorter from a Gold Plated Guarantee._

_**Narrator: **…Socrates…_

_**Socrates: **What are you researching? How to get aliens_ _to come to your doorstep, bang on your door and yell "Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep!"?_

_**Narrator: **…and Calvin and Hobbes._

_**Calvin:** Friends to the end?_

_**Hobbes: **You better believe it._

_Music changes to Mark Joseph's "Any Evidence?"_

_The gang boards Rupert's ship._

_**Narrator: **Now Hobbes' team has to take on system…_

_**Hobbes: **It's Bob! This is…is…is really weird. What am I screaming for? Bob's harmless._

_**Bob: **I'm ignoring that._

_**Narrator: **…and cut the evil big-shots…_

_**Rupert: **THE PRISONER IS LOOSE!_

_**Retro: **SEIZE THEM!_

_**Earl: **HELP ME OUT YOU MORONS!_

_**Narrator: **…down to size._

_Socrates uses the claw car to scoop up Retro._

_**Socrates: **Can we keep this thing?_

_Hobbes whips out a flashlight at the Shadowfax._

_Calvin and Hobbes cower in a corner with hideous shadows across them._

_**Narrator: **When you think action…_

_**Sherman: **Hang on everyone!_

_**Andy: **Yeah, we got a world to save!_

_The spaceship tears across the galaxy._

_**Narrator: **When you think adventure…_

_Hobbes and Socrates dangle from a net._

_**Socrates: **We shall never speak of this again._

_**Hobbes: **Agreed._

_Calvin slides down a tunnel with Earl right behind him._

_**Narrator: **…think Calvin and Hobbes!_

_Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman bounce around in the ship._

_**Calvin: **Good luck, guys._

_**Narrator: **CALVIN & HOBBES IV: RETRO CHILL!_

_Music stops._

_Fan Fiction logo pops up._

_**Narrator: **Coming soon to video and DVD this summer._


End file.
